Twilight's Rape Fantasy

Sorry for the lack of blog posts this week. I attended a holiday celebration which involved watching all Star Wars films for 15 hours (and beer). So, at least it was for a good reason.

For Christmas this year, I know many teens (and adults) will be receiving one if not all of the Twilight films. Because of this, I thought it might finally be time for a blog post describing my hatred for the books and films. Disclaimer: I find nothing redeemable about Twilight...be prepared.

I find MANY things about the series to be complete bullshit, but today we'll focus on the first book and movie. There is a scene in both where Bella is threatened with gang rape. After she runs off by herself at night in a big city, a group of creeper men follow her and surround her. In the book, Bella thinks of ways to defend herself, while in the film she stands frozen (not surprisingly because the men had weapons and surrounded her).

Just in time, Edward saves the day. You see, he followed her because he knew young women shouldn't wander alone at night. He knows Bella is helpless and danger prone so he "watches" her. After he threatens to kill the group of men, he then scolds Bella explaining that she couldn't possibly defend herself and how stupid to go out alone at night.

Problem? Scolding Bella suggests that the attempted rape was her fault (Edward can read minds so he knows their intentions were rape). Women are often blamed for sexual assault and the solution isn't to "stay home" because the majority of sexual assaults are committed by people women and men KNOW (such as A CREEPER STALKER VAMPIRE WHO FULLY ADMITS HE CAN KILL YOU AT ANY MOMENT). Also, it's not 1776 when women can't leave the house without a man. This is a scare tactic that clearly advocates women remaining in the home.

However, what disturbs me the most about this is the idea that this horrifying scene becomes a fantasy for women and girls. Rape is terrifying and real. It isn't something to fantasize about so that your vampire boyfriend can "save" you from an attack. The book and film manage to turn a reality that we should all be outraged about into a "romantic" scene where Bella and Edward really start to fall in love. Can you say "bullshit"?

Therefore, the message is that young women shouldn't go out alone at night unless they have a vampire boyfriend that can save them who is completely obsessed with abstinence and marriage. So...like a vampire version of a Duggar?

So, this holiday season, if you must watch Twilight, please, please, remember to keep your thinking cap on whenever something "romantic" threatens to invade your incredibly valuable and capable intelligent mind. Happy Holidays!

Losing Yourself

There is something about the holidays that makes you want to be better. You know, all the cookies and presents...not to mention thousands of movies about the good nature of humanity on every television channel. It's a reminder to slow down and look around.

So, I slowed down and looked around. Know what I saw? Some bullshit is what I saw. I truly didn't realize how many things I push to the side until I looked at a pile of things just...undone. Not cool.

I'm not a fan of resolutions but this year I have one. Work on MY happiness. I have realized that this year I was a total people pleaser. What happened was that I worked so hard to please others, that I ended up letting everyone down (most importantly myself). So, while this year was crazy awesome (like speaking at a Women's Studies conference), I have also seen some behaviors that need to never reappear.

I know many a woman who experience this people pleasing disease. It never gets us anywhere good though. So this holiday season, I would like all the women in my life to create their own happiness. Also, I am poor so this is literally your gift ;).

My Deal with Weddings...

A special person recently asked me to be their date to an upcoming wedding. My response was, "Is there an open bar?" If you have known me for about five minutes, then you know that weddings are hard for me to accept. You see, I have never once heard of or been to a wedding that didn't center around some sort of nastiness. Some have been my friends and others have been strangers but either way, the message I got was always Brides are crazy and so are weddings!

Truth be told, I was pretty traumatized! When Feministing.com co-founder and author Jessica Valenti was married, I started to come around. She was quite open about her experience and explained all the sexist traditions she got rid of and how it was mainly a celebration of the love in her (and her partner's) life. That idea really resonated with me. Weddings have turned into caricatures! They're known to be disaster driven, drama filled events! We even have television shows dedicated to how ridiculous women get once that diamond ring goes on their finger!

Do I blame women? Not really. you're taught since birth (thank you, Disney) that a woman can be successful, intelligent, even a model, but is nothing without a hubby (remember lesbians don't exist in this hetero world). It makes a lot of sense to me why I hear stories of pressuring men into proposing or fighting Grandma because she forgot to pay the caterer. It's a high stress day that women are told over and over again is the, "greatest day of your life". I understand the pain, I really do.

However, there is also the issue I have that America continues to keep gay/lesbian/bisexual/and transgender people from marrying. It can be hurtful for me to see people getting married while many of my friends cannot have this "special" day.

Now that you know my dilemma, here is my conclusion. As much trauma as I've experienced, weddings (in whatever form) really are about love between a community of people. It's not about the dress, flowers, or food (okay, or the open bar). It's about people coming together in a celebration of love. As cheesy as that shit is, I can most definitely get behind that. So, I will gladly go to this wedding wishing the happy couple well. After this special day, they have a lifetime of special moments and days together (which is kind of bad ass when you think about it). I also see tons of feminist relationships that involve marriage. Times, they are a changin'!

So, I, Naomi McDowell, am actually looking forward to this celebration as well as to the day when all people have this gift. However, I still will have a glass of wine in my hand and NO diamond ring on my finger (I can't give into everything). Happy Love Celebration, everyone!

Assange Case...You Knew it was Coming!

I am not going to recap the whole Assange rape case. For those of you who don't have much info on the wiki leaks founder being accused of sexual assault of multiple women, please see Feministing.com. There has been much misinformation written about it on CNN, MSNBC, etc.

I will write about another one of those sad moments in my feminist journey. When I first heard the harshness and misinformation being spread, the most heartbreaking part was my inability to be surprised. You see, I was not surprised when a false statement about a broken condom hit the media waves. I was not surprised when nasty facebook comments were posted or when Michael Moore defended Assange and made inaccurate statements about Sweden's laws (no, there is NO law in Sweden that says a broken condom constitutes rape).

At first, I saw that facebook/feminist friends were supporting the women involved and fighting back against the nasty lies. However, as this case has progressed I became extremely disappointed in my own attitude. I do so much activist work and see changes in people, yet I still expect victim blaming in the cruelest of ways. Sometimes the comments and challenges fuel me and other times they show me the dark side of people. It can be disheartening to say the least.

But then I hear a teen in the youth group say, "Hey that's not cool," toward a harsh comment he or she overhears. Or I see a student in a Women's Studies classroom have a "click" moment where he or she sees restricting gender roles for the first time.

And so, in the midst of my own change of heart, read this great article by Jessica Valenti (Co-founder of feministing.com) from the Washington Post.http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/10/AR2010121006996.html

Let's all never get used to these attitudes toward violence against women.

Which "Mary" are you?

Recent coverage of the Elizabeth Smart case (as well as the holidays) has me thinking about the Virgin/Whore dichotomy that women are forced to choose. To briefly explain, we as women have to play the role of the Virgin Mary or Mary Magdalene (wrongly believed by many to be a whore from the Bible)depending on who's watching/who desires us to be what. For example, you're taught as a child to be Virgin Mary and that there is a difference between "good" and "bad" girls. However, society tells you to be Mary Magdalene (the whore) to attract men while at the same time remaining Virgin Mary so that a man will actually marry you. Confused? Me too. Guess which one the church pressures you to be?

When watching this coverage of the Smart case, I've heard words like "courage", "innocence", and other vomit worthy phrases. You see, Elizabeth Smart is a PERSON. She was not kidnapped and raped to provide inspiration. To imply so is THE most condescending thing to do to a survivor. She is a human being who was raped because a rapist assaulted her.

Furthermore, these descriptive words give us the notion of the Virgin Mary in the Smart case. In other words, we agree as a society that it wasn't her fault because she is a "good girl". Elizabeth wasn't dancing, drinking, out late, a woman of color, or poor. She was all the right things so we won't blame her.

In other cases of women of color, lower socioeconomic status, drinking, and (gasp) women actually having fun, we "Magdalene" them and blame them. If you're the Virgin Mary, we put you on a pedestal and if you're Magdalene, we feed you to the wolves. So, either way you're screwed. Either way your voice is lost. Pissed off? Me too.

And it's not just religious people doing this. This is EVERYWHERE! If you get drunk and take your clothes off for Girls Gone Wild, then you're Magdalene no matter what. No mercy. If you wore a skirt the night you were raped...Magdalene. No mercy. The list goes on and on.

So what can we do about it? Call bullshit. Explain to friends and family (even ourselves) that the Elizabeth Smart case should be a reminder that rape terrorizes women and many women never make it to the court system! And NEVER NEVER blame a rape victim. In countries where women are COMPLETELY covered and sometimes barely seen outdoors, they are STILL raped! So this whole bullshit theory about women being to blame at all for rape is proven wrong.

And for the record, this was a way to criticize the media representation of Smart's case, NOT SMART HERSELF. I wish her case could instead be a reminder that the judicial system is awful for rape survivors and we need to change that!

More on Private Practice

Last night, I lay in my bed channel surfing only to find yet again Private Practice. For those of you who don't know about their recent storyline where a main character is raped, shame on you for not reading my blog post. But here's the link any way: http://lifeofafeministchristian.blogspot.com/2010/11/private-practice-and-victim-blaming.html.

I watched to see what was happening with Charlotte (rape survivor) but quickly realized that I have no idea where the writers are going with her (and they don't seem to know either). Charlotte's character currently smiles and acts as if everything is fine. She later admits she's putting on a show so her fiance feels better about the rape (apparently last episode she was"found out"). Okay, I buy that. However, the storyline isn't strong and often gets lost in everything else this shows tries to jam pack in each episode. What I mean to say is, Charlotte is not telling the story. We see the perspective of her friends, partner, and even strangers. We lose Charlotte's voice in an effort to portray the "second victims"(meaning friends and family who are also emotionally harmed after rape). I applaud these stories being told but why does it have to be at the expense of Charlotte?

So while it is a common symptom for women to become protectors of their friends and families, they still have a point of view. Charlotte explains that she won't let her fiance touch her but the audience doesn't see why. You may say, "She was raped, why would she want to be touched?" But I think by showing how touch affects her is better than just stating it. Show the audience how it can trigger memories. SHOW CHARLOTTE'S POINT OF VIEW! Do I have to everything around here?

Yet again, there was one saving grace! Charlotte saw the DA to press charges and the DA refuses after looking at the case. The prosecuting attorney made claims or was going to make claims (I felt it was unclear) that Charlotte had rape fantasies and had lesbian tendencies. When Charlotte refutes the accusations, the DA explains that it's a VERY smart defense and almost always works. I love that they showed how awful the judicial system is for rape survivors but I wanted the show to focus more on that. I wanted the DA to say, "Can you imagine if you had been attacked by someone you knew? It's even worse!" Or explain further. Anything actually. But again, Charlotte's voice was lost as the camera showed us how her poor fiance felt. Do I feel for the secondary victims? Of course. But I think bypassing Charlotte is all too representative of how society bypasses rape survivors. The message remains, "Get over this."

Photo Courtesy of http://seriesandtv.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/charlotte-raped-private-practice-spoiler.jpg

Teens

Recently on a show, Oprah explained that she feels girls are their most authentic selves before they discover "boys". Of course, she explained that this is just her opinion but I hapen to agree. Her point was that before a girl learns that she is supposed to be what boys want (society's message), they are just themselves.

I've also been reading a great book called Girlfighting which addresses these "new" (the book explained this phenomena is in fact NOT new but the media coverage is) claims of "mean girls". It takes you through childhood to adulthood and offers societal explanations of why girls are TAUGHT to deal with fellow girls differently than their male counterparts. It's very cool.

It's gotten me to think about my own experiences growing up. For me, I grew up in the youth group, which made teen years ESPECIALLY difficult for me. Being a pastor's kid, I learned early on that people were watching me. In youth group, I did have some cool moments, but mostly, I felt depressed, lonely, and terrorized. When I started high school, I really lost the desire to be popular (I was all about it in middle school). My mom and dad were really awesome and taught me to love myself. So when I started youth group, I was in a pretty decent place (as much as a fourteen year old can be).

The trouble started when we started discussing what a "godly" woman should be. There was a lot of talk about quiet strength, obedience to God, and basically taking a back seat to men. I was...NONE and I mean NONE of those things. At first, the boys started making a few notations of this. At first, they told me I was funny and life was good. I had a lot of girlfriends and had a place. Around sophomore year though, the boys started saying that I wasn't a very godly woman. Then, the girls took notice. It was horrific. I was picked on, talked about behind my back, and there was even a "meeting" held about me by the girls in the youth group.

The last straw was when one of the boys came to me and said the other youth group girls came to him complaining that I had called myself pretty once. What the hell? Of course I was pretty...we all were! Everybody's pretty! But I was told godly woman don't think that way. I just wanted to fit in. I also wanted a boyfriend one day. And when girls and boys are telling you boys don't like funny and smart girls with confidence... So, I played the role. I began to HATE myself. I used to stand in front of the mirror for hours just thinking how I hated myself. Pretty soon, I started to hate other people too. I was so angry and couldn't get over how ugly I was that there was no love for anyone else.

Luckily my mother stepped in though (yeah, she kind of rocks). She guided me out of youth group and pretty soon I had a group of friends outside the church. There was still a little high school drama but we really loved each other...and ourselves. We were all unique and enjoyed it (we totally called ourselves the Ya-Yas because oh yeah, we were that cool). Those girls saved my life and also helped me find my own feminism. I learned the value of women and the kick ass power that comes when women help each other (no wonder silly mens try to divide us).

I tell this story for many reasons. I do want to stress that the church wasn't the reason for this. In fact, I work with the same church's youth group now and the kids are amazing! Even better the youth pastor there encourages individuality and working together. It's kind of healing for me to watch. But it is a story of how far I was willing to go for a boy (and to be liked). When the question should always be, how far am I willing to go for ME?

Dating

In my effort to enjoy today's first snow fall, I read my Kindle and watched Say Yes to the Dress. During my marathon of white fluffy dresses (and a super awkward mother daughter team discussing purity), I started hearing a lot of "first date" stories by the brides. If this were a first date story competition...I would get the gold medal and then some.

I once went out with a guy who attempted to give me an IQ test before going forward with the date. After passing the test (I am super competitive), I said extremely unkind things and I do believe some choice words were used.

I also was set up with a "Christian" guy on a blind date. He was a douche bag and we ended up in a screaming match at Applebees where I possibly said, "McCain is the anti-Christ" (I am sooooo darling).

In an attempt to set me up with a youth pastor, a friend brought me to an event to pre-meet the guy. He asked if I was a republican and I answered by doing my Sarah Palin impersonation. We didn't go on the date and he is currently married to a republican.

Why do I share these stories? Mainly to laugh but also because dating as a feminist (especially when you are as *cough* delightful as let's say I am) can be pretty tough. I honestly think it's so hard because you want to believe in yourself and love yourself at the same time you're bombarded with messages saying without a man you're worthless (remember lesbians don't exist on Valentine's Day). It's a lot of bullshit. But my hero, Jessica Valenti, describes feminist dating in a really cool way. In her book, Full Frontal Feminism, she says feminism gives you a better chance to find a great relationship because it let's "you get past the bullshit". And it really does.

Because when you love yourself, you find way better partners. And while I went through all those awful first dates, I've also met some pretty bad ass guys that I'm still good friends with today. Of course there's also a really special first date I remember but y'all can't hear about it because some things are special and private to me : ).

During this holiday season, not having a significant other can be rough. Hell, last year I was dumped the day after Thanksgiving. Talk about fun times. Moral of the story, you ask? Don't worry! Because feminism allows you to find a super cool partner and until then you can begin the never ending journey of falling in love with yourself. Then, you can be on Say Yes to the Dress telling the camera that you are totally in love with a guy/lady/gal/pal/boy toy (you get the drift) but that you also have a lot of great things and people in your life. Or you can have a completely full, awesome life as a single gal or guy. And once again, feminism saves the day!

For Colored Girls

Opening night I dragged a close friend of mine to see For Colored Girls (film adaptation of the play) in the movie theater. I was dying to see the film after weeks of promising reviews and previews. Was I weary of the Tyler Perry curse (great ideas shattered by problematic stereotypes and misinformation)? Ummm yes. But I still went. I've never seen the play (yet) but read the monologues in this little book available at Barnes & Noble. The monologues are all thoughtfully written and grab you every time (in my humble opinion). The play is truly a work of art. Whenever Hollywood actresses say, "Well, I got naked because this is my craft..." Bullshit! That's not art, but this play is the real thing.

So, here I was in a packed room at the movies. The movie was engaging (as the play seems it would be) so tons of audience members (especially the women) were agreeing with the characters and basically relating to the film (which is crazy bad ass). It was a really cool experience to see such full, rich female characters on screen for a change! All the women featured (colors of the rainbow) told different stories in different ways all very powerfully. My favorite line was, "Somebody almost walked away with all of my stuff" (a woman implying she almost gave it all up for a man but then remembered HERSELF and didn't).

It was especially fun when there was a particular male character I knew I didn't like immediately even though he appeared to be rather nice and gentlemanly (I can pick a creeper out of a line up anywhere anytime; film or real life). But mostly, I enjoyed the connection everyone was having with the film. It felt real.

However, Tyler Perry didn't all of a sudden find feminism before making this film (no "coming to Gloria" moment for him). There was a scene where a gay man who is living on the "down low" (a term originally started in the African American community meaning a man who has sex with men secretly while he's married to a woman). This man ends up giving HIV to his wife and afterward a nurse explains that African American women are contracting HIV at a high rate recently. Okay, do some men live on the down low? Yes, thanks to Oprah we all know about it. Are African American women contracting HIV at higher rates? Yes. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "In 2006, the rate of new HIV infection for black women was nearly 15 times as high as that of white women and nearly 4 times that of Hispanic/Latina women"(www.cdc.gov). However, in 2009 The National Black Leadership Commission showed a study saying that black women were contracting HIV from HETEROSEXUAL ACTIVITY!

The "down low" is a huge stereotype that is often used to explain this high rate of infection for women of color. However, studies show it is clearly not the case. So, Tyler Perry once again falls flat with me. For me, it was especially heartbreaking to see the audience reaction. When this male character was confronted by his wife, everyone nodded and said, "Oh yeah" and other supportive phrases. I don't know these people but it definitely FELT like in MY OPINION that the real hatred came from his being gay. In fact, his wife has a line saying something like "You should have just been yourself in the first place" but everyone was hooting and hollering in agreement and the line was barely audible!

It's just irresponsible on Tyler Perry's part. Next time, Tyler, let's not break some and while we create others.

DISCLAIMER: I did not poll the audience after the film. These are strictly my opinions and "feelings" I got from what I heard by the audience during and after the film.

After Thanksgiving...

For Thanksgiving this year my family hosted everyone. It was truly a lot of fun to see everyone and to have so much activity and eating (why I celebrate the holiday). It was truly a time to celebrate family and everything I have to be thankful for (like birth control and the fact that Sarah Palin embarrasses herself every week on television now).

But when everyone was gone and left, I had a weird sort of AHA! moment. I grabbed a trash bag and started filling it and didn't stop until every piece of unnecessary junk was thrown out! I had DP&L bills in my bills box from 2005. Was I really afraid that DP&L would call and say "In 2005, you didn't pay your bill." I called DP&L and apparently that doesn't happen.

Clothes too! I have been hoarding tons of worn out clothes for mission trips and other service projects. I never wear them though on those trips because they either have too many holes in them or they're uncomfortable (hence why I stopped wearing them in the first place). So out they went!

This is an incredible feeling. I am a very neat and tidy person but I feel that Thanksgiving really gave me inspiration to keep my room more peaceful. It makes me feel better to know that the New Year can come without 2005 bills still taking up space in my drawers. How wonderful. I encourage all to purge this week. It will be life changing! This holiday seasons just really allowed the idea of living in a peaceful environment to resonate. Hope all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Say Yes to the Dress

Today's special blog post will be a guilty pleasure admission on my part. So, a few weeks ago, my mom was watching a TLC show named Say Yes to the Dress which follows consultants working at a well known bridal store in New York that essentially help brides find their dresses. This specific store has dresses from $1100 to $40,000 (that's more than a down payment on a house by the way). So, I of coursed mocked my mother and asked how she could possibly watch this crap. Then, I became hooked.

This show is actually interesting (to me). My family and friends really don't get it because I have no interest or intention of having a wedding or "official" marriage. I just want a really big party. But I cannot get enough of the show. The consultants have to completely cater to the client AND her family. It's one of the most stressful jobs out there (Obama should try it).

A wedding is one of the most stressful situations for people (besides a kidnapping) and you not only have the bride but her mother, mother-in law, fiance's sisters, her twin sister, Aunt Judith, Grandma who always has the line "Too much cleavage", and second cousing twice removed.

I love how the consultants have to adapt quickly and know when to compromise budget over style, try something out of the bride's comfort zone, please the mother instead of the bride, provide emotional support, etc. It's really interesting what lengths these people go to so these women can be happy and have a "dream" wedding.

I think this is my secret fantasy job. Stressful but kind of fun, and never a dull moment. So, while I cringe when brides go crazy as well as the fact that gay people only exist in the form of Randy (sassy gay fashion consultant), I admit that I heart Say Yes to the Dress. However, the day I talk about my "dream" wedding on camera and spend thousands on a one time dress, is the day I vote for Sarah Palin.

"Man or a Woman?" And Other Pointless Questions...

So, the other day in my Gender Violence class a few students were having a discussion pre class. Because I am a super nerd and arrive early and sit in the front row, I have learned to listen to music and ignore the discussions so that I don't end up throwing a table at people (the things people say in public astound me). However, this particular day, I forgot my Ipod (awesome) and was forced to listen to a discussion between three students about the film Boys Don't Cry (if you decide to rent it, grab the tissues and a pillow to hold).

One of the students was a white male (we'll call him D Bag) and another was a transgender male (and has been wickedly open about his experience and really opened up the eyes of some class members; we'll call him Chris).

D Bag mentioned that he tried to watch the film for an extra credit assignment and couldn't finish it. Okay, the film is incredibly hard to watch and there's no shame in admitting that. However, he pretty much went on to blame Brandon (this is based on a true story so it's a REAL PERSON) and called Brandon a "lesbian who dresses up like a boy to get laid". Awesome. I was horrified but in response "Chris" said that his problem with the film is that people who are transgender shouldn't "lie" about who they are.

I have been thinking about that comment ever since. "Chris" said that he is very open about his (past I think was the word) and he believes in complete honesty. I agree with complete honesty in a relationship but I also don't know that gender identity should be included in that.

I'm not saying I never want to know but I also don't think it's a first date conversation. To be honest, I don't care. If you say you identify as male then cool. If I love you then I love YOU. And if you're a transgender male then you're male. On the other side, I understand that every individual is different and some may choose to identify as a transgender male all the time rather than "male". It really depends on the people involved and the situation.

So, I don't have a firm idea or opinion on where I stand but I suppose my real question is, "Does it matter?" As long as we're in a consensual, loving, and equal relationship where we are both attracted to each other (such as my relationship with Will.I.Am) then I'm good. So, let's all move onto more important and relevant questions such as, "Are you pro choice?"

Private Practice and Victim Blaming...

Let me just start this blog by saying that I have seen maybe three episodes ever of Grey's Anatomy and have NEVER seen an episode of Private Practice, which is apparently a spin off of the latter. So, when an actress from Private Practice, Kadee Strickland appeared on The View, I coulnd't care less. However, Kadee was on the show to explain a new storyline on Private Practice , where her character (who is in charge of the hospital in some way and newly engaged) is raped by a stranger in her office. She explained how many women will be able to relate to the story and that her character is sevrely beaten during the rape. She also said, "I'm extremely honored" in reference to portraying this storyline. Let's deconstruct, shall we?

1. It is completely insensitive and condescending to tell rape survivors that you're so "honored" to play us. It's more of this, "Good girl for getting through what we all feel is inevitable" bullshit. Actors who play characters with disabilities say the same thing and it's STILL condescending. I didn't get raped for you honor, so why don't you shut up about it.

2. I am getting really tired of non survivors playing survivors (Law & Order SVU, Lifetime, etc.) Let's try something new like a survivor playing survivor because these portrayals are not accurate.

3. No, most women CAN'T relate to this storyline because OVERWHELMINGLY rape is portrayed in the media as stranger rape when the majorities are acquaintance, friend, relative, etc. Furthermore, KaDee's character is rich, white, insured,and has a great support system. So, her story is more representative of the Lifetime breed. Her attacker is white though, which is at least statistically accurate. However the severity of the rape supports the myth that extremely violent rapes are "real" rapes.

4. I watched the show and it was full of victim blaming for KaDee's character as well as other survivors. Her fighting back was mentioned over and over and over as if a reminder that she didn't want this. As if trying to stab someone is the only way to say no? Her fiance has an emotional breakdown moment when he sees the scene of the crime and says, "She's 90 pounds soaking wet but she still fought back" almost in admiration. KaDee's character also chooses not to tell anyone (except her best friend who just sort of found out). Her friend tells her, "But what if other women are raped..blah, blah, blah." Okay, I agree with her friend. We have to look out for each other right? But if MY rapist rapes someone else it is HIS fault. I completely understand that prosecuting a rapist is the only chance at getting him behind bars...trust me. But this line of logic leaves OUT the RAPIST. HELLLOOOOO? And while you're bleeding and just had a rape kit done is probably not the best time to say this.

5. I won't comment on KaDee's silence on the rape yet. I need to see how the rest of the season plays out. Because, a rape isn't just an hour, it's a lifetime...a very PERSONAL lifetime. So, I'll give the show a little slack. But as for victim blaming and relating to women...FAIL!

6. Two great moments occurred during this show. KaDee's friends stayed in the waiting room for her the night of the rape while she was in her hospital room. That was very cool (rare but cool to see) and at one point a man says he's tired and is it okay if he went home to sleep? The only friend aware of the rape goes off him (Hells Yeah!) and says that sure he can go home in sleep because HE won't be afraid to sleep again and it didn't happen to HIM. Get you some! That was bad ass! And again when KaDee's character lay in the hospital bed her fiance called her a "victim". She responds by throwing her food tray at him and saying, "Don't ever call me a victim again or this marriage is off!" Hells Yeah again! I think this may be the opening for the term "survivor" later on in the show. We'll see. So let's.

New Beginnings

I've been thinking a lot about starting over lately. Sometimes we start over in small ways, like yoga every morning or a cup of tea before bed. Other times we move across the country or try a different career even. And then, there's the classic every day is starting over (I think of it more as fixing the mess or doing better).

As much as I adore technology (I truly will marry my Kindle one day), I also think that it makes it harder to start fresh sometimes. If you make a mistake on facebook (God forbid) it is forever remembered in history. In this world where every move is public (most likely by our own choosing), starting over becomes really tough.

An example, I used to hang out with not good people. Actually, that's an understatement. But either way, I was looking at my facebook pictures and came across this time in my life that is documented for the world. These are not inappropriate pictures by any means (I have wine sometimes, I am not embarrassed). However, when I see myself in those pictures it makes me really sad because I thought I was really happy, but I wasn't at all (don't worry I'm not going to tell you that was before I found Jesus).

Part of feminism for me is making choices, rethinking my relationships, activism, writing, and a career. I write a lot about how feminism has shaped my activism and work I do, but this post is about my feminism and my individual life. Feminism and Women's Studies has really taught me that I have the power, choice, and right, to start over in any way I want to. After a while, I made that choice. I made the choice to be around people who have my best interest in mind (aka Will.I.Am).

And so, now I use my blog (technology) to spread some good. Readers, always remember that you have the choice to make life a little better, no matter what your facebook says.

My mind lately...

Tomorrow I'm attending a Domestic Violence Speak Out. And this weekend I wrote a paper about rape and sexual assault on college campuses. According to RAINN and Department of Justice, college women are four more times likely to be assaulted. Four more times likely because you're on a college campus.

This week, I also heard about gay bashing, slut bashing, sexist and irresponsible behavior from the NFL as well as the return of Big Ben. People had signs of support at the game Sunday. Where were the sings of support for the young woman he assaulted? Where were the purple bands on the players to symbolize domestic violence awareness month?

I also read an article about a fraternity at Yale chanting, "No means yes. Yes means anal" outside a women's center (a place where survivors of rape on college campuses often go for a safe space). I also heard my classmates blame women yet again for the clothes they wear.

I have been feeling all of this hatred toward women more than usual(comes and goes). I was driving (all I do now is drive) in my car going to class and this song came on the radio. It's by Switchfoot called "Your Love is a Song". When I heard it, I was reminded that God is love and God never intended for men and women to live like this. It is my eternal prayer that we all keep our eyes wide open and our hopes unbroken. Because even in dark times, men and women can gather together to create change. And maybe it's the idealist in me but I truly believe that if I have a daughter, she will think it unfathomable that someone should touch her without permission and if I have a son that he would rather die than make a hateful joke in the locker room about "popping one" to his girlfriend.

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running through me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, running to me

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city lights
The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out, is blacking out

So I've been keeping my mind wide open
I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running to me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, and into me

With my eyes wide open
I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken
Yeah, yeah

Your love is a song
Yeah, yeah
Your love is my remedy
Oh, your love is a song

This is why The View needs to hire me

I am admittedly an avid watcher of The View. I think a show dominated by women is great. Sometimes the show falls short and other times it rocks the house better than Christian Hipsters. So, the other day my main squeeze Bill O'Reilly was on! I settled into my chair with my coffee before having a panic attack in which I thought the world was literally ending.

Bill O'Reilly was discussing his views on building a mosque near (like 2 blocks away people....not next door) Ground Zero. Despite your personal feelings about this issue (Seriously people, 2 blocks away), Bill O'Reilly said some bullshit. He said, "Muslims attacked us on 9/11". Ummmm? Whoopi and Joy (swoon) walked off stage after he supported that comment. Barbara Walters challened Bill but was openly upset that her colleagues walked off stage. Really? I think that when someone is using television to promote racism and hate (and arguably physical, emotional, or verbal attacks on Muslims or those one believes to be Muslim), that this is not a teaching moment! The more tolerant we are of hatred, the more it wins!

It was NOT a discussion only due to O'Reilly's remarks. Joy and Whoopi were both calm until he made UNTRUE and RACIST claims. What would I have said?

"Bill, is there a church near the site of the Oklahoma City bombing? Are there words from the Bible in a memorial there? Do we fear middle aged heterosexual white men because they are the most likely candidates to molest children? Why is there only a witch hunt when the perpetrators are not white? Muslim terroroists are to the Muslim faith as the KKK is to Christianity. So, no, Bill. While what you said was certainly riot inciting and colorful to say the least, it is untrue and ridiculous. Would you like a chance to apologize or would you prefer to remain ignorant and uninformed?"

Why has The View not hired me yet? Craziness.

Social Network

A few days ago, I saw The Social Network with a friend. I had high hopes because everyone I know has been discussing the problematic behaviors that come from the obsession we have with facebook. When I first became a part of facebook it was in an effort to reach out to people on campus at Ohio Wesleyan University. Facebook did not at all help me with this. Why? Because it's creepy. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a stranger and then stalking them on facebook before we ever speak. I know many people disagree with me but I can't get behind it. I use facebook to promote my blog, support my friends with happy encouraging comments, and raising political awareness. I too post on my status but constantly think, how narcisistic is this?

We put way too much out there into the world as people. However, facebook does help me reconnect (I moved too much as a child) and weed out my friends! For example, if your status says, "O.J. is truly innocent" or "Sarah Palin is a feminist", I get to recognize that you are not someone I want to continue to communicate with (online or elsewhere).

This debate is why I wanted to see this film starring my future boo Justin Timberlake. The movie did not answer my questions. In fact, it only made me hate facebook. The film portrays women as having no brains (even Harvard goers), finding success through sleeping with powerful (or men who THINK they're powerful) men, and abusers. The film claims facebook was created from a misogynistic joke by men which results in women gratefully giving them simultaneous blow jobs in a bathroom in a bar. I realize that as women we do that every day but why is it in a movie? Now people will know what we're really like! One of these women disappears because apparently she lost her way in the bathroom. The other (who used to be on the Disney Channel...random but I knew I recognized her) becomes an overly jealous stalker to her boyfriend and later lights his apartment on fire as he cowers in his underwear in his bedroom. This is frustrating because 1) Intimate Partner Violence is soooooo funny and 2) the point being made is clearly that women are crazy or whores...or both.

Also, statistically in cases of IPV terrorism (i.e. lighting your partner's home on fire and following him and texting him 47 times) 97% of abusers are male. Can men be abused...absolutely! However, the media portrayals have us thinking otherwise.

There's also a scene where Justin Timberlake playing Sean Parker (ummmmm...okay) is penniless and jobless and sleeps with a young woman who attends Standford (Biological Chemistry major...not too shabby). This woman is clearly intelligent, beautiful by societal standards, and has her own apartment. After finding out she slept with Sean Parker though, she giggles with excitement and says, "I can't believe with Sean Parker!" Um, you mean, "I can't believe I slept with an unemployed guy who does nothing with his life right now except posing as a Stanford student." Boo.

Not only is this film sexist, but it also seeks to set women back thirty steps. I expected more from my West Wing guy Aaron Sorkin. I don't know what happened with this movie. It was really odd for me after hearing such good things and watching in front of me women being used and portrayed as idiots who only have sex to offer. What the hell? Perhaps The Social Network will start intelligent conversations about posting our bad days on our facebook statuses.

What I get to read...

If you haven't already heard, I am collecting all the bullshit literature, youth rallies, musics, etc. that's targeted toward Christian teens and writing my own response in the form of a book (there's that much bullshit to fight in the world). One of the books I am currently reading is titled Every Young Woman's Battle.

"What has this book taught you, Naomi?" You may ask. Well, boys and girls, let me tell you a really messed up story. Get this, there's an entire chapter devoted to telling women not to masterbate. I know that Kinsey was way ahead of the curve and I can't live under the assumption that everyone has moved past this "good girls" don't masterbate thing. But the reasoning is hilarious! I'm serious! Please, prepare yourselves to fall out of your chair laughing!

The reasoning behind not masterbating for women is that 1) it will lead you down a whore path blah blah blah and (DRUMOROLL!) 2) when you get married it is your husband's job to give you an orgasm and you shouldn't tell him what to do. I KID YOU NOT!

So, lesbians, apparently you get to masterbate but the rest of us not so lucky. After all, what will our poor husbands do? Gee, I don't know...LISTEN TO THOSE OF US WHO ACTUALLY HAVE VAGINAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I've been holding that in ever since I read the damn thing.

Is this funny? Absolutely. But I also write about it because this reasoning is telling women that sexuality isn't even hers when she's married. Do I want to be married? Ha. But in this protestant Christian world where MOST people believe in sex only in marriage, can a woman not own it at least when she's married? This is a perfect example of making women feel not good enough, ashamed of something natural, and trying to give us all bad sex lives. After all, people with good sex lives won't come to the Friday night spaghetti dinner at the church (okay, shameless joke but I couldn't help myself).

That's all for today. I saw The Social Network last night and tomorrow I will give you my extremely biased opinion of it. Spoiler Alert: wait for the DVD. Hope this is a laugh for those of you who send me fan mail (the real kind not the murderer crap).

Music...

October is Intimate Partner Violence Awareness month which means speak outs and tee shirts for me. However, it is incredibly ironic that during this month my radio is inundated with Eminem telling Rihanna that he will strap her to the bed and set the house on fire. This song is requested and played over and over as well as performed live on the MTV Music Awards. I don't agree with censorship and that's not my point for this post.

How many Christians out there speak openly about songs that encourage teen girls to have sex and act "unladylike". They get so upset and want to tell these teen girls about purity and other bullshit. Am I against teens not having sex? No. Am I against this reasoning that a woman's worth is her virginity? Hell to motherf****** yes (I'm sorry was that unladylike?).

Why aren't people TALKING about the violence in this song that is clearly directed at women? Why don't Christians get angry about this shit? It is so infuriating to receieve hate mail about my focus on love and acceptance of all people when all this goes on and I sit in a church pew and no one talks about it! I don't have a pulpit, this blog is my platform. But if Jesus existed and his focus was peace, love, and equality, then we're definitely missing something here.

Why do we want teen girls to wear white on the wedding day but we don't want to take a stand on intimate partner violence? I feel there is no answer. And part of my journey in this blog is honesty. Honestly, sometimes I find the church so frustrating.

Discussing Rape in the Classroom

I am taking a Gender Violence class in America and here are some comments from classmates as well as friends who have tried to discuss the issue with me when they found out I was taking the class.

"Women dress sluttier now than in the past."
"If you're raped, you become the walking dead."
"Rape victims feel this way..."
"I'm a nurse and a lot of women who come to the ER claiming rape are lying."
"Gender violence is a lot better in America."
"You need to take responsibility for what you're wearing."
"Victims should come forward."
"This class is depressing."
"If I were raped I would consider my personal responsibility to tell the police."

These are a select few of the comments and questions made. What does that make my role in the classroom as a feminist, women's studies major (the only one) as well as a rape survivor and activist on campus?

At first, it really hurt me when mt fellow classmates made (what I felt at the time) were personal attacks on what I had to say about rape and other issues. I came close to tears the first two weeks every class period. However, after talking it over with some friends and watching my Oprah, I realized some things.

Are these comments hard to hear...of course! Can it be emotionally trying...of course! Are some people still learning while others are just douche bags...of course! My job isn't to use my rape to educate people though. My job is to learn. As I learn, I share and question and bring up what I know to be true (as most other students do). I find it interesting that a female student constantly (and for way too long) shares stories from her children and from the hospital she works at about women who lie. No one gets angry or tries to stop her. They let her talk knowing it's taking 15 minutes. When I speak briefly about my experience, people get angry and disagree with me quite quickly.

It is hard to be confronted with rape and sexual assault. It is easier to think all women are liars than to say it to the face of a survivor who seems to be a respectable member of society. The anger comes from fear. But learning is uncomfortable, so when my fellow students completely disagree and I hear them and keep my opinion (rarely does it change...hey, this is kind of my area, peeople), I smile. Because if learning is uncomfortable, then we're all learning a hell of a lot in that classroom. And at the end of the day, I know who I am.

Recent Tragedies

With the recent 5 PUBLICIZED deaths of young people who were gay or thought to be gay, I thought it appropriate to not be quiet. What can we take from this? As a Christian, I think the Bible is definitely involved. In my experience, even those who do not consider themselves "religious" or church goers still use the Bible to support their belief that homosexuality is wrong.

I find this belief suspect. The rage behind their faces gives them away. If the issue was simply that homosexuality is wrong there wouldn't be this fear and hatred behind the words. Granted not all people have this fear, but most do (in my experience). These same people do not show rage and fear when a woman is raped or when a religious man cheats (as examples).

I'm full of rage that these young people died due to hatred. I am full of rage that people use the Bible to jusitfy bullying someone. I look forward to the day when this doesn't happen and the very thought of using the word "fag" makes us all shake with rage. Until then, keep the hate to yourself while my ass goes to PRIDE :)

For more information you can check out www.feministing.com too!

Fan Mail

So, the other day I got this hate mail in my facebook inbox.

"Are you aware of the 10 commandments? God doesn't make exceptions they are as stated. How can you conscientiously volunteer for a company that promotes abortions? What part of murder do you not understand!"

Okay, here's my beef. While I am extremely grateful for the hate mail (after all it means I'm doing something right), I am disapointed with the lack of originality. I don't mean to complain but this is super predictable. By the way, what ARE the Ten Commandements? Is it more than just a movie? Weird.

Also, where was this person when Dr. Tiller was murdered? I didn't hear her complaining when HE was MURDERED! Does she NOT UNDERSTAND?????

I thought a lot about whether or not to post this but I decided to because 1)this is insanely dumb and 2) come on people. This is why I do what I do. This fuels me to be a voice that says this is NOT Christian and so far the only hate mail I've gotten is from people claiming to be Christians. Just saying.

The "Christian Hipster"

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a new epidemic sweeping the nation known as...the Christian Hipster. For those of you not aware, a Hipster is a twenty something skinny jean wearing, coffee drinking, and knit cap wearing man or woman. Please do not confuse them with Emos. They recycle and enjoy listening to The Decemberists and sometimes Vampire Weekend.

The Christian Hipster is different because he wears skinny jeans for the Lord and comes off as this really attractive sweet young guy who happens to play guitar on top of his aspirations to be a youth pastor.

Christian Hipsters appeal to teen girls because they are the men teen girls want to date/end up with and they teach teen guys how to behave. Christian Hipsters come from all denominations but always fall into my favorite category of...WASP.

Please BEWARE of their false charm seeing as how they have a lot to say with very little follow through. That is all.

Ode to Sully

I literally think that I would follow Sully (from the acclaimed 90s drama Dr. Quinn) anywhere. I realize that might not sound super feminist but it’s honest and Fridays should be all about honesty. Sully is some kind of beautiful and knows his way around the woods, mountains, etc. He builds a house and is a feminist partner for a feminist gal. Plus, he meditates and is a peace maker. I love me some Sully. There was one episode specifically where Dr. Quinn was pretty upset (she took an axe to her barn and screamed uncontrollably for days) after an entire Native American tribe was executed by soldiers.
Did Sully try to “rescue” her and make everything better? No. He knew she had to do this on her own and he made this crazy awesome speech about how Dr. Quinn is independent and blah blah blah. It was beautiful…like the man giving it. When the apocalypse comes, I'll strap myself to Sully and feed off the land! So in honor of this long holiday, please watch some Dr. Quinn and the oh so feminist Sully.

Television

One thing I often struggle with is the television I watch. I really enjoy television and it has been with me my whole life. However, with this magical gift, comes a debate that I often have with my fellow activists and other well intended folks; can you watch shows that undermine your beliefs? I have met some feminists who can’t turn off their radar and others who can (and happily do). I’ve also met tons of Christians who really control what they watch (not in my household).
So what can you do? I do think some things are just not worth watching. However, other satires such as Family Guy or Always Sunny in Philadelphia can seem to actively work against my ideals when they’re actually supporting them. And when Family Guy decides that rape is funny and should get a ten minute segment, I turn it off (I don’t know if you heard but there’s really nothing funny about rape…okay, besides Bed Intruder).
I have a friend who really enjoys watching Twilight and at the same time understands how bullshit it is. I once had an instructor say that she loves to hate Rescue Me and let’s not even get started on the Buffy debate. I do think that we’re living in a world where we’re taught not to question what we’re watching and just chalk it up to mindless entertainment. Perhaps the way to combat this is not censorship but instead mindful watching. When we watch these things, we can have a dialogue about them with friends, classmates, children, etc.
Or, we can take a break and watch Law & Order SVU knowing it’s problematic and not caring for an hour out of our lives.

Deadlines!

Okay boys and girls, today my blogging is limited due to a deadline for a Twilight piece that I have to write! Woohoo! But I am nowhere near done so let’s all think extra good thoughts for Nomes and her writing ability today 

My Emmy Rant

Today has been a really rough day for me so I would like to rant. My chosen rant is the Emmy coverage. Is it frustrating for anyone else that we line women up on a red carpet and tear their hair, makeup, and dress to shreds? I mean, honestly! I’ve been dressing myself since I was four! I feel as if everyone on that red carpet is capable of choosing their own clothes. I truly do not understand the big deal. I really enjoy watching the pretty dresses and deciding what I like and what’s probably really hip in the “fashion world”. I do NOT enjoy making people feel bad because she wore what SHE wanted to wear.
Today I am wearing grey shoes (gasp!) and a blue shirt (blue is sooooo out) and jeans (oh my!). Oh yeah, and a winter sweater because my office is freeeeeeezing. What will the critics say? Also, if I become a celebrity and hugely rich and famous and my biggest problem is that you hated my dress…sign me up, baby!

Count This As Saturday's Post...

I wrote this really cool piece and wanted to share so consider this saturday : )

What Men Can Do
When I tell people I am a rape survivor, I usually get a number of messed up questions requiring me to prove that my rape was traumatic enough through the eyes of others. Not only is this degrading and inhuman, but it also further supports society’s notion that unless you were a virgin beaten to death by a stranger, your rape doesn’t count.
Perhaps, this is why when the one night this did not happen; it remains burned in my consciousness forever.
I was the guest at a going away party for new college graduates. This was a fairly new group of friends and I was introduced to several new people while we all drank copious amounts of alcohol. There was dancing, laughter, and good conversation. Some point during this fun filled evening, I began speaking about the work I do with other survivors of rape in the community with two men. Both were extremely intoxicated while I was completely sober.
One of the men placed his hands over his mouth quite dramatically and asked slowly, “Are you a survivor?”
I laughed and answered that yes, I was.
With his hands still covering his mouth, he said, “Men shouldn’t do that. Men are very bad.”
The other man, whom I knew, also clasped his hands together and nodded his agreement silently. Together they stood so intensely with this information. And neither one asked me how I knew the guy or what I was wearing. They didn’t laugh at me or roll their eyes. They didn’t ask if he used his penis or something else to penetrate me or why I didn’t punch the guy. They didn’t make me explain all the intimate details or even how long ago it was.
Instead, they were wonderful. And while their actions were at times humorous, they provided me with a safe space that night at a party. Three years ago at a party, I was assaulted. This year, at a party, I was safe. These men do not know that. But they do know love.
For all the men in my life who have struggled with the right words or felt helpless as they hear stories of survivors, this is what men can do.

Sadness :-(

Today I am in mourning. You see, last night as I was doing the dishes, my coffee pot sustained an injury that left it…smashed to bits and pieces. Too graphic? Tonight, I shall journey to a store and buy a new one. For those of you who find this to be not worthy of your time, this coffee pot was the first item that I (my mother) purchased for my very first apartment. This serves as yet another reminder that I am truly becoming a…grown up. It’s also a reminder that I need to use my drying rack rather than my slick counter top.
Sometimes I think being a grown up requires way too much information. I would rather fill my brain with feminist and queer theory, or Oprah quotes and Will.I.Am songs than retirement funds and grad school costs…did I pay DP&L or just think about paying it?
So, what’s a girl to do? I pop in Oprah DVDs, meditate, or do something else to make the world stop for a minute. And then I jump back in ready to use the perks of being grown up by being a leader on a mission trip, or driving a friend where she needs to go, or paying my own bills and feeling grateful that I have the money to do so. Being a grown up feels kind of awesome again…until I shell out thirty bucks for a coffee maker that I broke. 

Bed Intruder!

Okay, if you haven’t seen the You Tube sensation “Bed Intruder”, then you need to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzNhaLUT520 there’s the link. It’s insanely funny and the Autotune version has reached record numbers on itunes (ahead of Lady Gaga!). Recently this video has come under criticism for two major claims. 1) It perpetuates stereotypes of African Americans (I would argue the gay community as well but no one else has) and 2) It takes advantage of a “tragedy” (that’s what my old buddy Matt Lauer said).
My take, you ask? Why sure! I feel this you tube video is incredibly funny. I’ve been thinking about it lately especially (because I have so much free time before classes start), and I truly believe this video is so funny because we NEVER see this reaction to rape within the media. Bear with me. When you watch my love to hate show Law & Order: SVU, victims of rape or attempted rape are portrayed as weak, scared, and defenseless. Furthermore, when they try to “take things into their own hands” and show anger rather than fear or sadness, they are punished with jail time or another clear ending to show audiences that she was wrong.
I love seeing a family so angry about this crime. When the survivor of this attempted attack says, “…some IDIOT…” it’s music to my ears. This young woman is not apologizing and feels no personal blame…or shame. She knows this is not something to be ashamed of but rather to be loud about and take charge!
Her brother, Antwoine Dodson does steal the show but with his anger of the situation. His words are actually quite true. Rape is an epidemic. In a world where we brush this under a rug and promote rape culture (that’s another topic), Antwoine tells it like it is (think Dr. Phil but not as obsessed with Brittney Spears). And ya know, I think that’s cool.
In addition to my positive take, I do understand the first criticism about stereotyping. I showed it to one of my good friends Cami whose response was this, “Some idiot in the projects…you’re in the projects!” I do see this point. My response to this is to use the video to explain the good it promotes as well as the point that Dodson does not actually represent the African American community (claiming he does is racist). I feel this is the only effective way to combat racism because the video has risen to fame.
As far as “taking advantage of a tragedy” I call bullshit. Rape should always incite anger. I don’t believe people are laughing at rape. I believe we’re celebrating a family refusing to apologize. Maybe not consciously but we are. So I support my boy Antwoine. And you can run and tell that!

Meditation

Lately I have been digging deeper into the practices of meditation. Call me Western (I heart Dr. Quinn!) but I was not aware that there were more types of meditation than just…you know…sitting. So, imagine my surprise (Shock! Awe!) when I read my favorite American magazine publication known as O Magazine and I saw an article about these different practices. Furthermore, this article suggested finding the best way to meditate for you! So of course I took up this suggestion because Oprah said to.
My first attempt was to meditate while watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU (the one where Fin discovers what it means to be on the “down low”). But I found that to be distracting. Then, I chose to meditate during a football game but later realized falling asleep is not technically meditation. The “sleep” in meditation refers to you feeling one with God whereas in my sleep Edward Cullen told me I was the hottest feminist evaaaa and that he was changing his stalker abusive ways. I feel that my sleep was different.
Then I actually got serious and tried lighting candles and just calming my thoughts. Later, I listened to joyful songs and tried to feel some JOY! I’ve tried sitting outside and having quiet time with nature, really meditating when I walk Ella, and quiet time before I shut my pretty little eyes for the night.
I did come to a conclusion though. For me in my life I don’t think there will ever be one type of meditation for me. My life is constantly changing and growing so why shouldn’t my outlet for spiritual connection? I do like the idea of a gratitude journal though. This is a personal journal where you only write parts of your day you’re grateful for. This act alone can be life changing. Oprah said that to (where do you think I got the idea????). What are your types of meditation?

Really?

http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/faith_values/stories/2010/06/11/close-vote-elects-gay-as-treasurer.html
I am…confused. I’m happy, but I’m also really sad. The vote passed, but not by much. Not trying to be Negative Nancy here but…really? Is it 2010 and we’re still heavily debating this issue? There’s no biblical backing for this claim that homosexuality is a sin but let’s for a minute say there is. Let’s pretend God is Mel Gibson and hates people (not that far but I’m a sucker for Mel jokes). But even if this were the case, we don’t investigate “practicing” (hate that term) liars or coveters, or whatever you can come up with. We don’t go up to heterosexuals and ask if they lie and tell their kids Santa Clause is real. Because that would be ridiculous! Yes, the two are comparable. I know, you’re shocked but they are.
But now let’s look at the Bible. Where does it say one man and one woman? Where? Unless you take verses out of context, then it doesn’t. In fact, there’s more evidence of Jesus loving ALL people and meeting them where they are. We all have flaws but loving your partner of 20 years isn’t one. How many straight people do that? God is good and that’s the ONLY perspective to come from.
I just cannot believe that we are still debating this. I’m really happy that this man’s appointment was approved but why are we still voting on it? It would be really easy for me to make this post about my pride in my church but the problem is that my church is better than this. They’re better than putting a man through this vote.
And whoever stated that the vote was civil, is incorrect. It’s never civil to put someone’s relationship on trial, when the only “crime” is loving someone of the same sex. Who are you to tell me that God recognizes my partnership?
So, I’m happy that considering there was a vote it went in the only logical direction. However, let’s not be fooled into thinking that things are getting progressive. I really challenge Christians to look at the Bible and not be afraid of admitting we’re wrong.
Am I still writing about this? BLAH!

Very Zen today...

Okay, so lately I think that God may be trying to teach me to enjoy the present moment more. Yes, Mother God and I are super crazy tight like Benson and Stabler (think more old school Benson and Stabler). Anyway, it’s come to my attention that I have not been enjoying the present moment…gasp! My problem isn’t bills and cleaning or walking the dog (I actually loooove paying bills and cleaning and walking the dog). My problem is the need to always be doing more.
But, Naomi, you do so many awesome things! I know, right. But seriously…if it’s a youth group event then I think about the other teens in the world. If I’m doing well in school, then I think about how I wish I was doing well at a real big girl job, and so on and so on.
This is normally not a big deal but lately I feel Mother God beginning to whisper…strike that…yell and scream in my ear. I have all these incredible things happening and I just keep thinking how it will help me in the future. The future is cool to think about, but forgetting that these moments full of lessons are happening now is so lame. Take note that I’m not lame but doing that is in fact lame. I’m still cool, no worries. A good example. I have this crazy cool balcony and these crazy cute, comfy chairs. I NEVER sit on them! I’m always doing something! It may not seem like a big deal, but if I sat in a chair and enjoyed peace and quiet for a while, I really think that I would be calmer. I really think that my head would feel screwed on a little tighter instead of crap spilling out of it all day (I am so imaginative sometimes).
Oprah has this saying that when the universe is trying to convey a message to you, that it gives a whisper…then a shout…then a push…then a brick wall…then the brick wall falls on top of you. In other words, the goal is to be tuned into yourself enough to hear the damn whisper and you know, avoid the brick wall.
So I want to hear the whisper. If you want to know how, I have no answers. I’m just going to try feeling a little bit more. I have a friend/mentor who recently mentioned to me in a conversation that she really recognizes and freely feels an emotion when it comes. A good example is sadness. We’re pretty much trained not to feel sadness and to cover it up with something else such as food, shopping, working, etc. Instead the idea is to actually recognize that you’re feeling sadness and this is what it feels like. How cool is that? You’re embracing the feeling rather than denying it and digging an even deeper hole.
This conversation came days after watching an Oprah episode with the same message. And to top it off, lately I’ve been rushing through everything instead of being my silly fun self. So, I’m taking my whisper to heart and listening. Oh, crap. I’ll bet that means tonight I have to actually feel the pain as I write my English paper…damn it.

Not Swooning For Men That Juggle

Wow. Wow. At church a bit ago, there was a juggler. It was pretty cool (I am so mature and classy sometimes). I liked the juggling and thought it was cool to see a juggler who uses that passion to spread God’s love. False. I did not feel God’s love. It was juggling so tons of kids were sitting front row center and heard and saw a story with magic tricks explaining that Buddha and Mohammed were essentially fakers and wrong. He then explained that Jesus is the only real son of God (which is true) and therefore the only right way to heaven.
BULLSHIT (excuse the language, I get super pissed when people use kids to spread hate). You may say, what’s so wrong, Naomi? Why is that hate? You cannot teach children who are taught to trust adults that other religion is wrong and they’re right. That’s inexcusable to me. This whole I’m right, you’re wrong and hell bound is so old that it makes neon leggings look like a fresh fashion statement (oh…wait…). You’re giving children no basis for 1) questioning (which is the best part of being a little kid) 2) tolerance and 3) true faith.
Think about it, if people tell you that you’ll go to hell unless you’re a Christian and that’s your basis for why…that’s a bullshit reason. When people ask me why I chose to be a Christian I say that Judaism classes are a lot of work (actually I did want to be Jewish for a looooong time which I can explain later) and that I truly believe in the message of Jesus to love and show that love through our actions and use the knowledge that EVERY PERSON MATTERS.
What would I tell kids? So glad you asked! I would tell them that Christianity is ONE type of faith and it has a lot of history (good and bad). Then, I would explain what Jesus’ message was and encourage the wee little ones to read the Bible and find out for yourself what YOU think his message was. JUGGLE THAT! I bet you can’t.
P.S. Here’s why I wanted to be Jewish. When I was super little (like Kindergarten) my mom who taught English did a section on the Holocaust. I grew up watching movies and reading books pertaining to the subject. My mom gave a lot of answers and we saw a lot of museums and things on the subject. When I was confirmed (protestant Christians become members of the church when they’re about 12 ad the process is known as confirmation), my dad took all the confirmands to a synagogue for service (he says, Judaism is our roots). I loved it. I loved the service and the strong message of tolerance. Loved it. But I decided on my own to be confirmed as a United Methodist Christian. So, later I became a confirmation leader and went to another service at a liberal synagogue. Dude, their prayer books took out “he”, “him”, and “his” in reference to God because (get this) God is genderless! Bingo! Sign me up! But I also realize that maybe my place is to get this stuff going in the United Methodist Church and to be a force in my faith that I feel in my heart. So, my admiration for Judaism continues to grow as my place in my chosen faith also does. THE END…JUGGLE THAT TOO!

Religulous or Religubunches???? Huh? Huh? Clever?

I’m finally going to watch Religulous and it’s making me think about a lot of crap that comes with being a Christian. I’ve been avoiding this film for a long time (I’m sure you know if it’s on Showtime then it’s been around forever). I recorded it on DVR once already but deleted it and now I am starting to play it. Why avoid it? Here’s the thing…
I am the queen of questioning religion. I question everyone including religious institutions and I encourage the youth group kids and my friends to do so. How can you learn if you don’t question? Impossible. But I don’t really see my faith as an institution. Sunday mornings I don’t always go to church. Partly because I now work overnight babysitting and don’t have time to get ready or leave my dog alone all night and all morning and partly because my father moved to a church that’s super far away and I admit that’s hard (hey, I was born thinking the pastor was my father…you try to get used to that!).
I see my faith as my interpretation of the Bible, yoga, meditation, why I do what I do. I do community service not to get into heaven but because Jesus lead an example of actually doing. Donating money is great…so is donating time. These are people that don’t have homes or food. People. They have stories and information to share. I often use the term “community service” but I hate it. Jesus didn’t tell the disciples “go do community service”. He said go out, love, those types of word. And I also don’t go into the world to “save” people. People who read this may now think I’m not a Christian at all but I don’t think we should all be Christians. I think that’s crap frankly.
Whenever we’re aware of our authentic power…that’s God. I’m not saying we are God. I am saying that God comes in different forms for people. When Jesus says he’s the only way to heaven I don’t think it means believe in him or go to hell. How does that even make sense to people? I believe it means living with love as Jesus did brings us to God and our authentic power.
I have a point, I promise. Now you know more of my starting point. That’s why this movie frustrates me. If Bill Maher would say, “Hey, this is a movie against mainstream Christianity and Catholicism,” then okay. I can get behind that. I hate mainstream Christianity because it makes it harder for me to live. It makes all Chistians look stupid, greedy, and trying to save lives for a ticket to heaven. That’s not Christianity. Frankly, that’s bullshit. So Maher…go after the bullshit and be specific.

Writing Boot Camp

Saturday there's a writing boot camp on campus for people wanting to sign up to write from 9 AM till 4 PM. Hell, yeah. Lately I haven't been inspired or motivated to write much. Why is this, you ask? Well, sometimes I get in these insanely lazy moods that are rooted in some deep seeded emotion. Sometimes they occur because I've been working too hard but other times they happen because I can be a lazy mo fo. This writing boot camp was designed for the purpose of bringing writers together and putting their ass in the chair. This way when you want to check facebook, or turn on the tv, or something else super distracting and time wasting, you don't! So I'm bring my ipod and my lap top and setting up shop for the day. Whatever will I write about? My book! What a perfect opportunity to sit my ass in a chair and have to keep working. I'm so excited for the motivation.

It's also inspired me in other ways! Like, fall quarter during school I saw a fiction writing workshop that I am unable to sign for, so instead, I'm pretending I signed up for it and keeping that chunk of time for writing. I'll grade myself on my own attendance and work ethic. How cool is that? The whole point of this is that I'm happier when I'm working and my passion is for writing. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways and this week it seems that God wants my ass in a chair.

Finally Writing Again

Good Morning!

I am finally able to stare at a computer screen for more than six minutes at a time! Headaches be gone! So, I promised to talk about what I said at my recent involvement with my first ever Women's Studies conference. Here goes.

Of course, I talked about feminism and Christianity (I am way too original!) and it went over surprisingly well! It's always iffy when discussing religion especially something as mainstream as protestant Christianity. I focused on what it was like for me in the classroom to have instructors making fun of Christians and then in church to be told I'm going to hell (Excuse me, birds help me get dressed in the morning...I am not going to hell). I spoke about the freedom I had after an instructor offered a class called Feminism and Christianity. And then I talked about the youth group. My point all came down to my freedom to explore and learn more in the classroom allowed me to put all of that good learnin' into my church and community. Then I used quotes from the youth group kids to support my theory. BOO YA! A lot of people (3) in the room listening said they were also minister's children and that was a fun discussion. It hit home for a lot of people which was rewarding and a huge relief! The good panel we presented and all the good New England fish was pretty much the perfect weekend of my life (except Will.I.Am did not propose yet again!)

So lesson learned, don't think you have to separate religion and feminism. They couldn't be more related. (And it pisses off conservatives!)

New England Women"s Studies Conference

This weekend, I attended and presented a women's studies conference in Dartmouth, Masachesettes. I presented with an instructor and fellow atudent about activism in the classroom in reference to sexual violence and feminism and Christianity. The idea behind the presentation was that because our instructor was open about her personal history as a survivor of rape and her Christianity, that we as students beneiftted. It was a risky presentation but appeared to go over very well.

Why risky? A lot of professors and academic people believe that for an instructor to openly explore rape in the classroom and reveal herselef to be a survivor, that this is "unprofessional". It's my blief that instructors shouldn't teach classes soley based on sexual violence unless they are survivors. I'm not saying that non survivors can't teach about rape or be allies, however, I am saying that to teach a class that is about rape from the survivor's perspective is a different issue. I think that students benefit more from that personal experience. Discussing rape in the classroom is completely different from taking a class named "Rewriting Violence Against Women" which discusses nothing but violence against women.

That's all on the conference today, I had a car accident on the way home (Everyone came out alive and well) but I have a post traumatic migraine apparently so no more typing o rlooking at a computer screen! More tomorrow about my paper!

Is Lost Getting a Little WWJD?

Are you people watching Lost? I never watched an episode until a recent stint two months ago where I hung out with two male friends and we watched the series from beginning to present. It was an intense experience full of taco bell and barely wanting to leave the couch (are you so jealous?). So, I'm trying to keep up with the season and I'm noticing a pattern of Good, Evil, God, Devil, and a son. I think Richard's character has some similarities to Jesus. He's given the gift of immortality so he's not actually human, as well as the job of watching over the island. Hmmm.

It's definitely not an original story and it is tiring to see white meaning good and black meaning bad (I mean...really?), but it's there without even having to look hard. So my question is...does Richard now have to die just as Jesus died? Will Richard die "for the island"? And so often for each character the island is either a hell or heaven for them so that will be interesting to play out. Either way, this season is getting a little God like and I have no clue if it's going to be a good storyline or an overused cliche.

Rethinking Food...

So, I watched the award winning documentary Food, Inc. last night on PBS (I love that they make these great documentaries and specials available to the public). It was eye opening to say the least. Some background ('cause you know you want to know more about me) to explain my feelings. A little over a year ago, I became a vegetarian. For me, it was more of a health choice (I ate fast food twice a day and my doctor said I should probably wake up). As I progressed in my Women's Studies journey though, it became more apparent that food is very political.

Fresh foods are more expensive, especially when feeding a family on a low budget. Minority groups are more likely to suffer from diabetes and this generation of kids is the first to be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes (typically seen as an adult disease). It's bad. I've never thought about where my food comes from and after watching the documentary, I am really glad to be a vegetarian. The movie's purpose isn't to gross you out and turn you off meat though, it makes the point that a lot of people can't afford organic meat and that's a problem. Why is it that fast food is cheaper than veggies?

So, I learned to take into consideration where food comes from and the lack of legislation going on to keep it healthy and safe. My personal decision is to now buy organic whenever I can, to support local farmers markets (hello, Yellow Springs!), and to pack my lunch and a bottle of water every day. I chose these changes in my life because I work really hard for my money (3 jobs to be exact) and I don't always have an abundance of it. When I spend it, I want it to work toward keeping me healthy and supporting where I live. I want to be empowered as a single woman working her way through school. Also, I have 3 jobs plus volunteer work and school...I need to be healthy and on the ball (bye french fries). The bible has examples of taking care of ourselves and the world. John Wesley (founder of Methodism) said, "Leave it better than you found it". I don't think we're really doing that these days. The documentary said that as consumers we're more empowered than we think. So for me, you'll see organic across the bar code every week and maybe at the soup kitchens and things I work at we can find organic solutions (when possible). We do a canned food drive every Wednesday yearlong at youth group so it would be awesome for me to donate organic soups or all natural items. Everyone deserves to eat well and future generations deserve a healthy earth. And maybe I'll be brave and start a garden...maybe.

Why I do What I do

So, Dartmouth is continuously on my mind today. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it meant to me the first time I heard a professor say, “You can be a feminist and a Christian!” For me, I really struggled with my faith and spirituality once high school hit. It was so hard to see people using Christianity to spread hate. I think as a whole we see people on television holding up signs that say “Gays are going to hell” and we see that as extreme. But whenever I hear anyone saying, “It’s fine to be gay…just not for my kid!” that’s spreading hate. It’s an underlying more subtle hate but I tend to think it’s the same message.
A lot of the people I’ve met over the years are good people who have just been taught that tolerance is evil. When I was in youth group and heard my youth pastor say, “There is such a thing as being too open minded”, it crushed me.
So after hearing these types of messages and at the same time seeing my parents as the only Christians in the world (that’s how it felt at the time) who truly loved people for who they were, I just thought Christianity was the problem. To learn that the Bible doesn’t actually say what people claim it does, is the most freeing experience.
I imagine it’s very similar for all religions. I’m so tired of hearing “Muslims believe this, Christians believe this, Democrats believe this, etc.” Why do we all have to be in a box? I want to identify as Christian but that doesn’t mean it is my sole identity. A lot of factors go into my ideals. For instance, when I was five and learned that some of my friends couldn’t go to the doctor for check ups like I could, that goes through my head… saying I was starving and my dad taking me to a homeless shelter soon after…that goes through my head. Every second of my life has mattered, does matter, will matter. Even if it’s the worst mistake ever and I’ve forgotten it and moved forward…at the time, it mattered.
It’s why I can be a feminist and a Christian.

Okay, I will warn you that I am angry. False, I am a little bit enraged. For good reason too. One of my friends (let’s call him Brad) is trying to give my other friend (let’s call him Derek) dating advice (both are white males). Brad is in the process of convincing Derek that any time (no exaggeration) a female approaches a male, she is flirting and that Derek should take opportunity to pursue her.
This angers me. Has my feminism done nothing to save my friends from heteronormative, sexist, outdated, and potentially threatening conquests? Have I failed? No, I haven’t but Brad sure has.
1) Viewing every women (or man) that you meet isn’t the best idea. For one, you turn the other person into their sex, gender identity, etc. rather than a human being. You also create an expectation, or a sexual script rather than two people genuinely getting to know the other. Plus, if none of the other reasons appeal to your senses, it puts a lot of pressure and makes you look like a douche. As a woman…who talks to other women…we know when you’re doing that , it’s not subtle, and it’s a huge turn off.
2) It adds to the discourse that women aren’t safe in any space. Think about it, men can go as they please, read alone in a coffee shop or whatever. When women do that, men approach us and spoil our alone time. Not saying that friends aren’t welcomed to say hi or any other extreme lesson, but to be actively even aggressively pursued is so uncool. Women (in general) don’t do that to men so don’t do it to us!
3) As a woman, it makes me less likely to say hi or be friendly (not to say that women ever need to be those things). But if every time I say hi to a guy and he asks me on a date, or gives me his number, or gets angry when I say no, or hell, even acts like I should be flattered by this attention, eventually I’ll stop saying hi. And that sucks for me because my personal choice is eventually taken away. As a woman I no longer feel safe saying hi…super fair, right?
So what to do instead? Enjoy life and all it brings. Maybe it’s just a really good conversation with a stranger or a really cool friendship! Maybe it is a love connection but one that happens more organically rather than taking advantage of friendliness or curiosity.
I feel MUCH better now. P.S. Anyone want a date with “Brad”?

Preparation for Dartmouth aka Staring at a Blank Computer Screen

Well, I'm getting ready to leave for the New England Women's Studies Association in two weeks and so far I have some good research, notes, and a beautiful shiny blank white page on my lap top. That's right, when it comes to writing the actual speech part (you know the reason I'm going), I draw a blank. Maybe it's nerves, maybe it's a meltdown, maybe it's me, maybe it's Maybelline... Either way, blanks. I'm supposed to focus on my activism as a feminist Christian in the classroom and why with a delicate balance of personal experience and research. Splendid. Maybe the kids I babysit will have some ideas.

The Good in ATF...besides the mouth watering arena food...

Bonjour les enfants!

Welcome to the last post conerning Acquire the Fire. Please don't cry...save your tears...really.

So I felt theere was some good. It didn't come from the speakers, or the abortion skit, or the emotionally manipulative altar calls...it was the youth group. They are really awesome human beings that I got to hang out with for an entire weekend! We talked about different faiths and spirtuality, high school, parents, college, sexual assault, rape, and my personal way of Christianity. I learned a lot from them. As teens they're so open to these experiences because a lot of it is the first time they're feeling/seeing it. It's so cool to see them learning to deconstruct arguments and things they're hearing claiming to be facts. Already they described to me how it doesn't feel right to them to practice things like denying rights to LGBTQ people.
One of the girls I spoke with said she "I just don't get that." We were speaking about gay marriage as a hot topic and she talked about how she couldn't even believe we vote on gay marriage...it should just be legal she said! How cool is that? They talked about supporting each other and being there through the difficult wonder years. These teens accept people as they are. I think they really get what Jesus was about.
So, when it feels like I'm not making a difference or that I'm so drained, I just remember the youth group. And suddenly I get a little burst of inspiration.

"I'm a Dirty Whore"...or so say non-denominational protestant Christians...

Before we begin everyone must forgive my lack of updates because I unexpectedly moved the past week. I went to an apartment complex to just look and instead I got approved and left the leasing office with one. It's actually quite frightening considering I've been testing this whole Oprah (Goddess!) thing where you visualize what you want and see what you get? I kid you not I visualized a gorgeous cheap apartment during meditation and low and behold...I now have one. I'm not trying to convert...just saying!
Enough about my life though because while I am a wonderful and fascinating human being...I am not as fascinating as abortion skits at Acquire the Fire. Shocking, I know. In the name of full disclosure I'll be describing the abortion skit with crass and classic Naomi language. In no way do I view young girls as sluts, I am strictly using the language that I heard in this Christian skit.
So, here we go. Yes, at ATF (Acquire the fire) there was a skit. Every year they do a skit however it's really more of a mini play. Usually, this skit lasts the whole weekend and is broken up into chunks. Quite clever, because teens away from home and who haven't slept because they all bet they could stay up all night and used large quantities to do it, have short attention spans. This year was quite different.
This year there was one skit that lasted probably about a full 45 minutes to an hour. They ran it straight through...my theory? It's super controversial (they're actually usually more subtle) and super sexist. I personally believe (the only evidence I have for this is my gut feeling and my oh so amazing women's studies background) that they did this because if it was split up and broken into peices it would be easier for people to question it and talk about it. There were no breaks in between so the kids watched and went right into an altar call. Talk about sex, the future, and abortion to Christian teens and they get upset, emotionally connected and then recommit or commit their lives to Christ. Classic.
The skit was about a white (Oh wait...they were all white!) young, handsome (he didn't quite do it for me) star football player at a super hetero white high school (I know what you're thinking...90210?). So, homeboy is super popular and drooled over by teachers and students, so much in fact that there's an upcoming press conference so he can announce where he's going to college in the fall because everyone wants to know. I mean, that's how I announced my decision so that part's not weird.
So we enter this plot after he and his girlfriend have just broken up because she tricked him into going "further". Apparently everyone in the school knows she's a slut but as described this Christian football player didn't judge her and gave the town slut a chance. Selfless, right? Swoon.
So, she gets pregnant and he bails. He yells at this poor girl saying "What about my hopes, dreams, and futures?" She says, "I know, I know." She then sings a song that says over and over, "I'm a dirty whore". She's on her own so she goes to the local abortion clinic. She passes some protestors and is getting nervous but sits down in the waiting room which is empty except for one other girl. So realistic, right? Because people who run these clinics don't care and just get 'em in and out. So this lone other girl ends up being a Christian who hates protestors and instead sits in the waiting room all day every day (it's implied) telling girls she loves them, God loves them, and even if they go through with the procedure she'll be there to help them through it. Actually not too bad. Unconditional love. Farfetched that this woman has nothing else to do besides sit there but their conversation was actually not bad. There was judgment though I felt when the pregnant girl says, "You're waiting too?" This other woman gets defensive and says, "I'm not in the same situation." The way she said it was defensive and seemed to read more like, "Whoa...I am NOT like you!" But she said no matter what she'd be waiting and there to help. Pretty cool.
Spoiler alert...she doesn't go through with it and this other woman turns out to be married and wanting a baby. Yep, she and her husband agree to adopt this fetus. Also, our star football player who throughout this abortion storyline has been soul searching, has his press conference where a reporter says, "Hey, didn't you knock your girlfriend up?" He says, "Nope. Don't even know the girl." Everyone who knows about the situation clearly gets mad. And his ex girlfriend slaps him when he tries to apologize for this throwing her under the bus thing (I stood and applauded) but five seconds later forgives him.
1) This whole women trick Christian men and have to pick which "Mary" they want to be is super old. The horse's ashes have been scattered. Move on, people.
2) This girl sees herself as a used, washed up whore and we never address that this football player clearly used her and then dropped her when there were consequences. He had a purity pledge too. We know that kids who sign these are more likely to break then keep them and less likely to use contraception when they do. Condoms are never addressed!
3) There was one woman of color who said she identified with the girlfriend because the woman of color was the adultress that Jesus saved from being stoned. She was an angel in heaven singing a song about how Jesus saved her when she was here on earth actin' a fool with a married man. Way to represent ATF.
4) ATF comes from the assumption that everyone knows abortion is wrong. No other opinions...period.
5) Not everyone has a nice, rich, loving couple to adopt their baby on the spot and pay medical bills. I'd rather give my baby to Oprah. False, I'D rather be adopted by Oprah.
My response:
I'm pro-choice and today's blog isn't me debating why. So, now that we know I do not believe abortion is morally wrong, I'll say that God loves ALL people AS THEY ARE. I do not believe that abortion is a sin and I do not believe it to be an easy decision that anyone takes lightly. How could you either financially or emotionally? Also, this skit made abortion look accessible for a teen girl. Depending on the state she may need permission from a parent, guardian, or judge. Also, it's not exactly covered by every insurance company and there's going to be a difference that needs to be paid if it is. You don't just walk in and get it taken care of on the spot and there actualy are people available for emotional support. Yes, SUPPORT not MANIPULATION! Abortion isn't the right choice for everyone, but how the skit depicted it...um, no. Just no. So I say, no judgments. Jesus didn't practice it...pretty clear example. What would I say to a young woman making the same choice? "I love you, God loves you, whatever you decide is right for you, I'm here...unconditionally." Not because it sounds right, not because I'm hoping she'll choose what I want her to choose, because it's right. Women should be trusted to make decisions for their own lives and bodies. That's my perspective and so far God hasn't shown me I'm wrong on that. So take that, ATF. Tomorrow I'll discuss what was good about ATF. Yeah, I managed to find the good :-). I'm cool like that.

Acquire The Fire

Okay boys and girls...gather around for an interesting story...

So I got back from Acquire the Fire and it was quite an experience. First of all, I saw a sea of white the entire time (so blind!). A black male performed for a bit (Christian Hip-Hop which allowed me to show off my dancing skills) and one woman of color in the main skit was portrayed as the adulteror described from the Bible (you know the old cast the first stone story). I brought up this lack of representation to Mike, our main pastor for the weekend(he preaches the whole time and keeps things moving from sermon to altar call to skit to break). He offered a time for people to come up and chat with him because he's one of the head guys who lead Acquire the Fire. I don't think he thought a 5'2" feminist Christian with a canvas bag of the bond girl flipping him off would take the offer...but she did.

He was very nice and even hugged me after my questions (I'm soooo irresistible). He appreciated my challenege and said that it's racist to specifically hire African Americans and that some years they get more volunteers than others. I get it. You can't control who signs up to help. Here's the thing though. Their volunteers (young adults and teens who act in the skits, M.C., do cameras, lighting, and all that jazz) are actually students from their "university". Acquire the Fire is somehow hooked up with this university (I am unsure of its accredidation) that gets Christian teens interested in the media production to go to this school where they learn about doing media for God. That's a lot of paraphrasing on my part but that's essentially what this place is. Again, go to Acquirethefire.com for more!

So, my concern is that if your volunteers are predominantly white and they're from this "school", then what does that say about the population going to this school? I am in no way saying that Acquire the Fire is racist. Let's face it, I don't have the entire context. I'm just saying that people need to ask these questions. Why is God's love for mostly white people?

So where do I personally stand? As a feminist Christian I believe God loves all people and that an arena full of white churches, teens, and youth pastors, is not the norm. I want the kids in my youth group to see that and say, "Hey, I know this isn't how it's supposed to be and that people aren't being represented here." It's not about "seeking out African Americans" but rather inviting all to the table and understanding why protestant denominations have been historically segregated or separated by race. AND FOR THE LOVE OF MOTHER GOD STOP PORTRAYING WOMEN OF COLOR AS PROMISCUOUS! And stop claiming Jesus was white...he just wasn't.

Stay tuned tomorrow for my post on gender and Acquire the Fire. Spoiler Alert, they had a skit (yes I said skit) about abortion)!