Today has been a really rough day for me so I would like to rant. My chosen rant is the Emmy coverage. Is it frustrating for anyone else that we line women up on a red carpet and tear their hair, makeup, and dress to shreds? I mean, honestly! I’ve been dressing myself since I was four! I feel as if everyone on that red carpet is capable of choosing their own clothes. I truly do not understand the big deal. I really enjoy watching the pretty dresses and deciding what I like and what’s probably really hip in the “fashion world”. I do NOT enjoy making people feel bad because she wore what SHE wanted to wear.
Today I am wearing grey shoes (gasp!) and a blue shirt (blue is sooooo out) and jeans (oh my!). Oh yeah, and a winter sweater because my office is freeeeeeezing. What will the critics say? Also, if I become a celebrity and hugely rich and famous and my biggest problem is that you hated my dress…sign me up, baby!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Count This As Saturday's Post...
I wrote this really cool piece and wanted to share so consider this saturday : )
What Men Can Do
When I tell people I am a rape survivor, I usually get a number of messed up questions requiring me to prove that my rape was traumatic enough through the eyes of others. Not only is this degrading and inhuman, but it also further supports society’s notion that unless you were a virgin beaten to death by a stranger, your rape doesn’t count.
Perhaps, this is why when the one night this did not happen; it remains burned in my consciousness forever.
I was the guest at a going away party for new college graduates. This was a fairly new group of friends and I was introduced to several new people while we all drank copious amounts of alcohol. There was dancing, laughter, and good conversation. Some point during this fun filled evening, I began speaking about the work I do with other survivors of rape in the community with two men. Both were extremely intoxicated while I was completely sober.
One of the men placed his hands over his mouth quite dramatically and asked slowly, “Are you a survivor?”
I laughed and answered that yes, I was.
With his hands still covering his mouth, he said, “Men shouldn’t do that. Men are very bad.”
The other man, whom I knew, also clasped his hands together and nodded his agreement silently. Together they stood so intensely with this information. And neither one asked me how I knew the guy or what I was wearing. They didn’t laugh at me or roll their eyes. They didn’t ask if he used his penis or something else to penetrate me or why I didn’t punch the guy. They didn’t make me explain all the intimate details or even how long ago it was.
Instead, they were wonderful. And while their actions were at times humorous, they provided me with a safe space that night at a party. Three years ago at a party, I was assaulted. This year, at a party, I was safe. These men do not know that. But they do know love.
For all the men in my life who have struggled with the right words or felt helpless as they hear stories of survivors, this is what men can do.
What Men Can Do
When I tell people I am a rape survivor, I usually get a number of messed up questions requiring me to prove that my rape was traumatic enough through the eyes of others. Not only is this degrading and inhuman, but it also further supports society’s notion that unless you were a virgin beaten to death by a stranger, your rape doesn’t count.
Perhaps, this is why when the one night this did not happen; it remains burned in my consciousness forever.
I was the guest at a going away party for new college graduates. This was a fairly new group of friends and I was introduced to several new people while we all drank copious amounts of alcohol. There was dancing, laughter, and good conversation. Some point during this fun filled evening, I began speaking about the work I do with other survivors of rape in the community with two men. Both were extremely intoxicated while I was completely sober.
One of the men placed his hands over his mouth quite dramatically and asked slowly, “Are you a survivor?”
I laughed and answered that yes, I was.
With his hands still covering his mouth, he said, “Men shouldn’t do that. Men are very bad.”
The other man, whom I knew, also clasped his hands together and nodded his agreement silently. Together they stood so intensely with this information. And neither one asked me how I knew the guy or what I was wearing. They didn’t laugh at me or roll their eyes. They didn’t ask if he used his penis or something else to penetrate me or why I didn’t punch the guy. They didn’t make me explain all the intimate details or even how long ago it was.
Instead, they were wonderful. And while their actions were at times humorous, they provided me with a safe space that night at a party. Three years ago at a party, I was assaulted. This year, at a party, I was safe. These men do not know that. But they do know love.
For all the men in my life who have struggled with the right words or felt helpless as they hear stories of survivors, this is what men can do.
Sadness :-(
Today I am in mourning. You see, last night as I was doing the dishes, my coffee pot sustained an injury that left it…smashed to bits and pieces. Too graphic? Tonight, I shall journey to a store and buy a new one. For those of you who find this to be not worthy of your time, this coffee pot was the first item that I (my mother) purchased for my very first apartment. This serves as yet another reminder that I am truly becoming a…grown up. It’s also a reminder that I need to use my drying rack rather than my slick counter top.
Sometimes I think being a grown up requires way too much information. I would rather fill my brain with feminist and queer theory, or Oprah quotes and Will.I.Am songs than retirement funds and grad school costs…did I pay DP&L or just think about paying it?
So, what’s a girl to do? I pop in Oprah DVDs, meditate, or do something else to make the world stop for a minute. And then I jump back in ready to use the perks of being grown up by being a leader on a mission trip, or driving a friend where she needs to go, or paying my own bills and feeling grateful that I have the money to do so. Being a grown up feels kind of awesome again…until I shell out thirty bucks for a coffee maker that I broke.
Sometimes I think being a grown up requires way too much information. I would rather fill my brain with feminist and queer theory, or Oprah quotes and Will.I.Am songs than retirement funds and grad school costs…did I pay DP&L or just think about paying it?
So, what’s a girl to do? I pop in Oprah DVDs, meditate, or do something else to make the world stop for a minute. And then I jump back in ready to use the perks of being grown up by being a leader on a mission trip, or driving a friend where she needs to go, or paying my own bills and feeling grateful that I have the money to do so. Being a grown up feels kind of awesome again…until I shell out thirty bucks for a coffee maker that I broke.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Bed Intruder!
Okay, if you haven’t seen the You Tube sensation “Bed Intruder”, then you need to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzNhaLUT520 there’s the link. It’s insanely funny and the Autotune version has reached record numbers on itunes (ahead of Lady Gaga!). Recently this video has come under criticism for two major claims. 1) It perpetuates stereotypes of African Americans (I would argue the gay community as well but no one else has) and 2) It takes advantage of a “tragedy” (that’s what my old buddy Matt Lauer said).
My take, you ask? Why sure! I feel this you tube video is incredibly funny. I’ve been thinking about it lately especially (because I have so much free time before classes start), and I truly believe this video is so funny because we NEVER see this reaction to rape within the media. Bear with me. When you watch my love to hate show Law & Order: SVU, victims of rape or attempted rape are portrayed as weak, scared, and defenseless. Furthermore, when they try to “take things into their own hands” and show anger rather than fear or sadness, they are punished with jail time or another clear ending to show audiences that she was wrong.
I love seeing a family so angry about this crime. When the survivor of this attempted attack says, “…some IDIOT…” it’s music to my ears. This young woman is not apologizing and feels no personal blame…or shame. She knows this is not something to be ashamed of but rather to be loud about and take charge!
Her brother, Antwoine Dodson does steal the show but with his anger of the situation. His words are actually quite true. Rape is an epidemic. In a world where we brush this under a rug and promote rape culture (that’s another topic), Antwoine tells it like it is (think Dr. Phil but not as obsessed with Brittney Spears). And ya know, I think that’s cool.
In addition to my positive take, I do understand the first criticism about stereotyping. I showed it to one of my good friends Cami whose response was this, “Some idiot in the projects…you’re in the projects!” I do see this point. My response to this is to use the video to explain the good it promotes as well as the point that Dodson does not actually represent the African American community (claiming he does is racist). I feel this is the only effective way to combat racism because the video has risen to fame.
As far as “taking advantage of a tragedy” I call bullshit. Rape should always incite anger. I don’t believe people are laughing at rape. I believe we’re celebrating a family refusing to apologize. Maybe not consciously but we are. So I support my boy Antwoine. And you can run and tell that!
My take, you ask? Why sure! I feel this you tube video is incredibly funny. I’ve been thinking about it lately especially (because I have so much free time before classes start), and I truly believe this video is so funny because we NEVER see this reaction to rape within the media. Bear with me. When you watch my love to hate show Law & Order: SVU, victims of rape or attempted rape are portrayed as weak, scared, and defenseless. Furthermore, when they try to “take things into their own hands” and show anger rather than fear or sadness, they are punished with jail time or another clear ending to show audiences that she was wrong.
I love seeing a family so angry about this crime. When the survivor of this attempted attack says, “…some IDIOT…” it’s music to my ears. This young woman is not apologizing and feels no personal blame…or shame. She knows this is not something to be ashamed of but rather to be loud about and take charge!
Her brother, Antwoine Dodson does steal the show but with his anger of the situation. His words are actually quite true. Rape is an epidemic. In a world where we brush this under a rug and promote rape culture (that’s another topic), Antwoine tells it like it is (think Dr. Phil but not as obsessed with Brittney Spears). And ya know, I think that’s cool.
In addition to my positive take, I do understand the first criticism about stereotyping. I showed it to one of my good friends Cami whose response was this, “Some idiot in the projects…you’re in the projects!” I do see this point. My response to this is to use the video to explain the good it promotes as well as the point that Dodson does not actually represent the African American community (claiming he does is racist). I feel this is the only effective way to combat racism because the video has risen to fame.
As far as “taking advantage of a tragedy” I call bullshit. Rape should always incite anger. I don’t believe people are laughing at rape. I believe we’re celebrating a family refusing to apologize. Maybe not consciously but we are. So I support my boy Antwoine. And you can run and tell that!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Meditation
Lately I have been digging deeper into the practices of meditation. Call me Western (I heart Dr. Quinn!) but I was not aware that there were more types of meditation than just…you know…sitting. So, imagine my surprise (Shock! Awe!) when I read my favorite American magazine publication known as O Magazine and I saw an article about these different practices. Furthermore, this article suggested finding the best way to meditate for you! So of course I took up this suggestion because Oprah said to.
My first attempt was to meditate while watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU (the one where Fin discovers what it means to be on the “down low”). But I found that to be distracting. Then, I chose to meditate during a football game but later realized falling asleep is not technically meditation. The “sleep” in meditation refers to you feeling one with God whereas in my sleep Edward Cullen told me I was the hottest feminist evaaaa and that he was changing his stalker abusive ways. I feel that my sleep was different.
Then I actually got serious and tried lighting candles and just calming my thoughts. Later, I listened to joyful songs and tried to feel some JOY! I’ve tried sitting outside and having quiet time with nature, really meditating when I walk Ella, and quiet time before I shut my pretty little eyes for the night.
I did come to a conclusion though. For me in my life I don’t think there will ever be one type of meditation for me. My life is constantly changing and growing so why shouldn’t my outlet for spiritual connection? I do like the idea of a gratitude journal though. This is a personal journal where you only write parts of your day you’re grateful for. This act alone can be life changing. Oprah said that to (where do you think I got the idea????). What are your types of meditation?
My first attempt was to meditate while watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU (the one where Fin discovers what it means to be on the “down low”). But I found that to be distracting. Then, I chose to meditate during a football game but later realized falling asleep is not technically meditation. The “sleep” in meditation refers to you feeling one with God whereas in my sleep Edward Cullen told me I was the hottest feminist evaaaa and that he was changing his stalker abusive ways. I feel that my sleep was different.
Then I actually got serious and tried lighting candles and just calming my thoughts. Later, I listened to joyful songs and tried to feel some JOY! I’ve tried sitting outside and having quiet time with nature, really meditating when I walk Ella, and quiet time before I shut my pretty little eyes for the night.
I did come to a conclusion though. For me in my life I don’t think there will ever be one type of meditation for me. My life is constantly changing and growing so why shouldn’t my outlet for spiritual connection? I do like the idea of a gratitude journal though. This is a personal journal where you only write parts of your day you’re grateful for. This act alone can be life changing. Oprah said that to (where do you think I got the idea????). What are your types of meditation?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
