New Beginnings

I've been thinking a lot about starting over lately. Sometimes we start over in small ways, like yoga every morning or a cup of tea before bed. Other times we move across the country or try a different career even. And then, there's the classic every day is starting over (I think of it more as fixing the mess or doing better).

As much as I adore technology (I truly will marry my Kindle one day), I also think that it makes it harder to start fresh sometimes. If you make a mistake on facebook (God forbid) it is forever remembered in history. In this world where every move is public (most likely by our own choosing), starting over becomes really tough.

An example, I used to hang out with not good people. Actually, that's an understatement. But either way, I was looking at my facebook pictures and came across this time in my life that is documented for the world. These are not inappropriate pictures by any means (I have wine sometimes, I am not embarrassed). However, when I see myself in those pictures it makes me really sad because I thought I was really happy, but I wasn't at all (don't worry I'm not going to tell you that was before I found Jesus).

Part of feminism for me is making choices, rethinking my relationships, activism, writing, and a career. I write a lot about how feminism has shaped my activism and work I do, but this post is about my feminism and my individual life. Feminism and Women's Studies has really taught me that I have the power, choice, and right, to start over in any way I want to. After a while, I made that choice. I made the choice to be around people who have my best interest in mind (aka Will.I.Am).

And so, now I use my blog (technology) to spread some good. Readers, always remember that you have the choice to make life a little better, no matter what your facebook says.

My mind lately...

Tomorrow I'm attending a Domestic Violence Speak Out. And this weekend I wrote a paper about rape and sexual assault on college campuses. According to RAINN and Department of Justice, college women are four more times likely to be assaulted. Four more times likely because you're on a college campus.

This week, I also heard about gay bashing, slut bashing, sexist and irresponsible behavior from the NFL as well as the return of Big Ben. People had signs of support at the game Sunday. Where were the sings of support for the young woman he assaulted? Where were the purple bands on the players to symbolize domestic violence awareness month?

I also read an article about a fraternity at Yale chanting, "No means yes. Yes means anal" outside a women's center (a place where survivors of rape on college campuses often go for a safe space). I also heard my classmates blame women yet again for the clothes they wear.

I have been feeling all of this hatred toward women more than usual(comes and goes). I was driving (all I do now is drive) in my car going to class and this song came on the radio. It's by Switchfoot called "Your Love is a Song". When I heard it, I was reminded that God is love and God never intended for men and women to live like this. It is my eternal prayer that we all keep our eyes wide open and our hopes unbroken. Because even in dark times, men and women can gather together to create change. And maybe it's the idealist in me but I truly believe that if I have a daughter, she will think it unfathomable that someone should touch her without permission and if I have a son that he would rather die than make a hateful joke in the locker room about "popping one" to his girlfriend.

I hear you breathing in
Another day begins
The stars are falling out
My dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running through me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, running to me

The dawn is fire bright
Against the city lights
The clouds are glowing now
The moon is blacking out, is blacking out

So I've been keeping my mind wide open
I've been keeping my mind wide open, yeah

Ooh, your love is a symphony
All around me, running to me
Ooh, your love is a melody
Underneath me, and into me

With my eyes wide open
I've got my eyes wide open
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken
Yeah, yeah

Your love is a song
Yeah, yeah
Your love is my remedy
Oh, your love is a song

This is why The View needs to hire me

I am admittedly an avid watcher of The View. I think a show dominated by women is great. Sometimes the show falls short and other times it rocks the house better than Christian Hipsters. So, the other day my main squeeze Bill O'Reilly was on! I settled into my chair with my coffee before having a panic attack in which I thought the world was literally ending.

Bill O'Reilly was discussing his views on building a mosque near (like 2 blocks away people....not next door) Ground Zero. Despite your personal feelings about this issue (Seriously people, 2 blocks away), Bill O'Reilly said some bullshit. He said, "Muslims attacked us on 9/11". Ummmm? Whoopi and Joy (swoon) walked off stage after he supported that comment. Barbara Walters challened Bill but was openly upset that her colleagues walked off stage. Really? I think that when someone is using television to promote racism and hate (and arguably physical, emotional, or verbal attacks on Muslims or those one believes to be Muslim), that this is not a teaching moment! The more tolerant we are of hatred, the more it wins!

It was NOT a discussion only due to O'Reilly's remarks. Joy and Whoopi were both calm until he made UNTRUE and RACIST claims. What would I have said?

"Bill, is there a church near the site of the Oklahoma City bombing? Are there words from the Bible in a memorial there? Do we fear middle aged heterosexual white men because they are the most likely candidates to molest children? Why is there only a witch hunt when the perpetrators are not white? Muslim terroroists are to the Muslim faith as the KKK is to Christianity. So, no, Bill. While what you said was certainly riot inciting and colorful to say the least, it is untrue and ridiculous. Would you like a chance to apologize or would you prefer to remain ignorant and uninformed?"

Why has The View not hired me yet? Craziness.

Social Network

A few days ago, I saw The Social Network with a friend. I had high hopes because everyone I know has been discussing the problematic behaviors that come from the obsession we have with facebook. When I first became a part of facebook it was in an effort to reach out to people on campus at Ohio Wesleyan University. Facebook did not at all help me with this. Why? Because it's creepy. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a stranger and then stalking them on facebook before we ever speak. I know many people disagree with me but I can't get behind it. I use facebook to promote my blog, support my friends with happy encouraging comments, and raising political awareness. I too post on my status but constantly think, how narcisistic is this?

We put way too much out there into the world as people. However, facebook does help me reconnect (I moved too much as a child) and weed out my friends! For example, if your status says, "O.J. is truly innocent" or "Sarah Palin is a feminist", I get to recognize that you are not someone I want to continue to communicate with (online or elsewhere).

This debate is why I wanted to see this film starring my future boo Justin Timberlake. The movie did not answer my questions. In fact, it only made me hate facebook. The film portrays women as having no brains (even Harvard goers), finding success through sleeping with powerful (or men who THINK they're powerful) men, and abusers. The film claims facebook was created from a misogynistic joke by men which results in women gratefully giving them simultaneous blow jobs in a bathroom in a bar. I realize that as women we do that every day but why is it in a movie? Now people will know what we're really like! One of these women disappears because apparently she lost her way in the bathroom. The other (who used to be on the Disney Channel...random but I knew I recognized her) becomes an overly jealous stalker to her boyfriend and later lights his apartment on fire as he cowers in his underwear in his bedroom. This is frustrating because 1) Intimate Partner Violence is soooooo funny and 2) the point being made is clearly that women are crazy or whores...or both.

Also, statistically in cases of IPV terrorism (i.e. lighting your partner's home on fire and following him and texting him 47 times) 97% of abusers are male. Can men be abused...absolutely! However, the media portrayals have us thinking otherwise.

There's also a scene where Justin Timberlake playing Sean Parker (ummmmm...okay) is penniless and jobless and sleeps with a young woman who attends Standford (Biological Chemistry major...not too shabby). This woman is clearly intelligent, beautiful by societal standards, and has her own apartment. After finding out she slept with Sean Parker though, she giggles with excitement and says, "I can't believe with Sean Parker!" Um, you mean, "I can't believe I slept with an unemployed guy who does nothing with his life right now except posing as a Stanford student." Boo.

Not only is this film sexist, but it also seeks to set women back thirty steps. I expected more from my West Wing guy Aaron Sorkin. I don't know what happened with this movie. It was really odd for me after hearing such good things and watching in front of me women being used and portrayed as idiots who only have sex to offer. What the hell? Perhaps The Social Network will start intelligent conversations about posting our bad days on our facebook statuses.

What I get to read...

If you haven't already heard, I am collecting all the bullshit literature, youth rallies, musics, etc. that's targeted toward Christian teens and writing my own response in the form of a book (there's that much bullshit to fight in the world). One of the books I am currently reading is titled Every Young Woman's Battle.

"What has this book taught you, Naomi?" You may ask. Well, boys and girls, let me tell you a really messed up story. Get this, there's an entire chapter devoted to telling women not to masterbate. I know that Kinsey was way ahead of the curve and I can't live under the assumption that everyone has moved past this "good girls" don't masterbate thing. But the reasoning is hilarious! I'm serious! Please, prepare yourselves to fall out of your chair laughing!

The reasoning behind not masterbating for women is that 1) it will lead you down a whore path blah blah blah and (DRUMOROLL!) 2) when you get married it is your husband's job to give you an orgasm and you shouldn't tell him what to do. I KID YOU NOT!

So, lesbians, apparently you get to masterbate but the rest of us not so lucky. After all, what will our poor husbands do? Gee, I don't know...LISTEN TO THOSE OF US WHO ACTUALLY HAVE VAGINAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I've been holding that in ever since I read the damn thing.

Is this funny? Absolutely. But I also write about it because this reasoning is telling women that sexuality isn't even hers when she's married. Do I want to be married? Ha. But in this protestant Christian world where MOST people believe in sex only in marriage, can a woman not own it at least when she's married? This is a perfect example of making women feel not good enough, ashamed of something natural, and trying to give us all bad sex lives. After all, people with good sex lives won't come to the Friday night spaghetti dinner at the church (okay, shameless joke but I couldn't help myself).

That's all for today. I saw The Social Network last night and tomorrow I will give you my extremely biased opinion of it. Spoiler Alert: wait for the DVD. Hope this is a laugh for those of you who send me fan mail (the real kind not the murderer crap).

Music...

October is Intimate Partner Violence Awareness month which means speak outs and tee shirts for me. However, it is incredibly ironic that during this month my radio is inundated with Eminem telling Rihanna that he will strap her to the bed and set the house on fire. This song is requested and played over and over as well as performed live on the MTV Music Awards. I don't agree with censorship and that's not my point for this post.

How many Christians out there speak openly about songs that encourage teen girls to have sex and act "unladylike". They get so upset and want to tell these teen girls about purity and other bullshit. Am I against teens not having sex? No. Am I against this reasoning that a woman's worth is her virginity? Hell to motherf****** yes (I'm sorry was that unladylike?).

Why aren't people TALKING about the violence in this song that is clearly directed at women? Why don't Christians get angry about this shit? It is so infuriating to receieve hate mail about my focus on love and acceptance of all people when all this goes on and I sit in a church pew and no one talks about it! I don't have a pulpit, this blog is my platform. But if Jesus existed and his focus was peace, love, and equality, then we're definitely missing something here.

Why do we want teen girls to wear white on the wedding day but we don't want to take a stand on intimate partner violence? I feel there is no answer. And part of my journey in this blog is honesty. Honestly, sometimes I find the church so frustrating.

Discussing Rape in the Classroom

I am taking a Gender Violence class in America and here are some comments from classmates as well as friends who have tried to discuss the issue with me when they found out I was taking the class.

"Women dress sluttier now than in the past."
"If you're raped, you become the walking dead."
"Rape victims feel this way..."
"I'm a nurse and a lot of women who come to the ER claiming rape are lying."
"Gender violence is a lot better in America."
"You need to take responsibility for what you're wearing."
"Victims should come forward."
"This class is depressing."
"If I were raped I would consider my personal responsibility to tell the police."

These are a select few of the comments and questions made. What does that make my role in the classroom as a feminist, women's studies major (the only one) as well as a rape survivor and activist on campus?

At first, it really hurt me when mt fellow classmates made (what I felt at the time) were personal attacks on what I had to say about rape and other issues. I came close to tears the first two weeks every class period. However, after talking it over with some friends and watching my Oprah, I realized some things.

Are these comments hard to hear...of course! Can it be emotionally trying...of course! Are some people still learning while others are just douche bags...of course! My job isn't to use my rape to educate people though. My job is to learn. As I learn, I share and question and bring up what I know to be true (as most other students do). I find it interesting that a female student constantly (and for way too long) shares stories from her children and from the hospital she works at about women who lie. No one gets angry or tries to stop her. They let her talk knowing it's taking 15 minutes. When I speak briefly about my experience, people get angry and disagree with me quite quickly.

It is hard to be confronted with rape and sexual assault. It is easier to think all women are liars than to say it to the face of a survivor who seems to be a respectable member of society. The anger comes from fear. But learning is uncomfortable, so when my fellow students completely disagree and I hear them and keep my opinion (rarely does it change...hey, this is kind of my area, peeople), I smile. Because if learning is uncomfortable, then we're all learning a hell of a lot in that classroom. And at the end of the day, I know who I am.

Recent Tragedies

With the recent 5 PUBLICIZED deaths of young people who were gay or thought to be gay, I thought it appropriate to not be quiet. What can we take from this? As a Christian, I think the Bible is definitely involved. In my experience, even those who do not consider themselves "religious" or church goers still use the Bible to support their belief that homosexuality is wrong.

I find this belief suspect. The rage behind their faces gives them away. If the issue was simply that homosexuality is wrong there wouldn't be this fear and hatred behind the words. Granted not all people have this fear, but most do (in my experience). These same people do not show rage and fear when a woman is raped or when a religious man cheats (as examples).

I'm full of rage that these young people died due to hatred. I am full of rage that people use the Bible to jusitfy bullying someone. I look forward to the day when this doesn't happen and the very thought of using the word "fag" makes us all shake with rage. Until then, keep the hate to yourself while my ass goes to PRIDE :)

For more information you can check out www.feministing.com too!