For Colored Girls

Opening night I dragged a close friend of mine to see For Colored Girls (film adaptation of the play) in the movie theater. I was dying to see the film after weeks of promising reviews and previews. Was I weary of the Tyler Perry curse (great ideas shattered by problematic stereotypes and misinformation)? Ummm yes. But I still went. I've never seen the play (yet) but read the monologues in this little book available at Barnes & Noble. The monologues are all thoughtfully written and grab you every time (in my humble opinion). The play is truly a work of art. Whenever Hollywood actresses say, "Well, I got naked because this is my craft..." Bullshit! That's not art, but this play is the real thing.

So, here I was in a packed room at the movies. The movie was engaging (as the play seems it would be) so tons of audience members (especially the women) were agreeing with the characters and basically relating to the film (which is crazy bad ass). It was a really cool experience to see such full, rich female characters on screen for a change! All the women featured (colors of the rainbow) told different stories in different ways all very powerfully. My favorite line was, "Somebody almost walked away with all of my stuff" (a woman implying she almost gave it all up for a man but then remembered HERSELF and didn't).

It was especially fun when there was a particular male character I knew I didn't like immediately even though he appeared to be rather nice and gentlemanly (I can pick a creeper out of a line up anywhere anytime; film or real life). But mostly, I enjoyed the connection everyone was having with the film. It felt real.

However, Tyler Perry didn't all of a sudden find feminism before making this film (no "coming to Gloria" moment for him). There was a scene where a gay man who is living on the "down low" (a term originally started in the African American community meaning a man who has sex with men secretly while he's married to a woman). This man ends up giving HIV to his wife and afterward a nurse explains that African American women are contracting HIV at a high rate recently. Okay, do some men live on the down low? Yes, thanks to Oprah we all know about it. Are African American women contracting HIV at higher rates? Yes. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, "In 2006, the rate of new HIV infection for black women was nearly 15 times as high as that of white women and nearly 4 times that of Hispanic/Latina women"(www.cdc.gov). However, in 2009 The National Black Leadership Commission showed a study saying that black women were contracting HIV from HETEROSEXUAL ACTIVITY!

The "down low" is a huge stereotype that is often used to explain this high rate of infection for women of color. However, studies show it is clearly not the case. So, Tyler Perry once again falls flat with me. For me, it was especially heartbreaking to see the audience reaction. When this male character was confronted by his wife, everyone nodded and said, "Oh yeah" and other supportive phrases. I don't know these people but it definitely FELT like in MY OPINION that the real hatred came from his being gay. In fact, his wife has a line saying something like "You should have just been yourself in the first place" but everyone was hooting and hollering in agreement and the line was barely audible!

It's just irresponsible on Tyler Perry's part. Next time, Tyler, let's not break some and while we create others.

DISCLAIMER: I did not poll the audience after the film. These are strictly my opinions and "feelings" I got from what I heard by the audience during and after the film.

After Thanksgiving...

For Thanksgiving this year my family hosted everyone. It was truly a lot of fun to see everyone and to have so much activity and eating (why I celebrate the holiday). It was truly a time to celebrate family and everything I have to be thankful for (like birth control and the fact that Sarah Palin embarrasses herself every week on television now).

But when everyone was gone and left, I had a weird sort of AHA! moment. I grabbed a trash bag and started filling it and didn't stop until every piece of unnecessary junk was thrown out! I had DP&L bills in my bills box from 2005. Was I really afraid that DP&L would call and say "In 2005, you didn't pay your bill." I called DP&L and apparently that doesn't happen.

Clothes too! I have been hoarding tons of worn out clothes for mission trips and other service projects. I never wear them though on those trips because they either have too many holes in them or they're uncomfortable (hence why I stopped wearing them in the first place). So out they went!

This is an incredible feeling. I am a very neat and tidy person but I feel that Thanksgiving really gave me inspiration to keep my room more peaceful. It makes me feel better to know that the New Year can come without 2005 bills still taking up space in my drawers. How wonderful. I encourage all to purge this week. It will be life changing! This holiday seasons just really allowed the idea of living in a peaceful environment to resonate. Hope all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Say Yes to the Dress

Today's special blog post will be a guilty pleasure admission on my part. So, a few weeks ago, my mom was watching a TLC show named Say Yes to the Dress which follows consultants working at a well known bridal store in New York that essentially help brides find their dresses. This specific store has dresses from $1100 to $40,000 (that's more than a down payment on a house by the way). So, I of coursed mocked my mother and asked how she could possibly watch this crap. Then, I became hooked.

This show is actually interesting (to me). My family and friends really don't get it because I have no interest or intention of having a wedding or "official" marriage. I just want a really big party. But I cannot get enough of the show. The consultants have to completely cater to the client AND her family. It's one of the most stressful jobs out there (Obama should try it).

A wedding is one of the most stressful situations for people (besides a kidnapping) and you not only have the bride but her mother, mother-in law, fiance's sisters, her twin sister, Aunt Judith, Grandma who always has the line "Too much cleavage", and second cousing twice removed.

I love how the consultants have to adapt quickly and know when to compromise budget over style, try something out of the bride's comfort zone, please the mother instead of the bride, provide emotional support, etc. It's really interesting what lengths these people go to so these women can be happy and have a "dream" wedding.

I think this is my secret fantasy job. Stressful but kind of fun, and never a dull moment. So, while I cringe when brides go crazy as well as the fact that gay people only exist in the form of Randy (sassy gay fashion consultant), I admit that I heart Say Yes to the Dress. However, the day I talk about my "dream" wedding on camera and spend thousands on a one time dress, is the day I vote for Sarah Palin.

"Man or a Woman?" And Other Pointless Questions...

So, the other day in my Gender Violence class a few students were having a discussion pre class. Because I am a super nerd and arrive early and sit in the front row, I have learned to listen to music and ignore the discussions so that I don't end up throwing a table at people (the things people say in public astound me). However, this particular day, I forgot my Ipod (awesome) and was forced to listen to a discussion between three students about the film Boys Don't Cry (if you decide to rent it, grab the tissues and a pillow to hold).

One of the students was a white male (we'll call him D Bag) and another was a transgender male (and has been wickedly open about his experience and really opened up the eyes of some class members; we'll call him Chris).

D Bag mentioned that he tried to watch the film for an extra credit assignment and couldn't finish it. Okay, the film is incredibly hard to watch and there's no shame in admitting that. However, he pretty much went on to blame Brandon (this is based on a true story so it's a REAL PERSON) and called Brandon a "lesbian who dresses up like a boy to get laid". Awesome. I was horrified but in response "Chris" said that his problem with the film is that people who are transgender shouldn't "lie" about who they are.

I have been thinking about that comment ever since. "Chris" said that he is very open about his (past I think was the word) and he believes in complete honesty. I agree with complete honesty in a relationship but I also don't know that gender identity should be included in that.

I'm not saying I never want to know but I also don't think it's a first date conversation. To be honest, I don't care. If you say you identify as male then cool. If I love you then I love YOU. And if you're a transgender male then you're male. On the other side, I understand that every individual is different and some may choose to identify as a transgender male all the time rather than "male". It really depends on the people involved and the situation.

So, I don't have a firm idea or opinion on where I stand but I suppose my real question is, "Does it matter?" As long as we're in a consensual, loving, and equal relationship where we are both attracted to each other (such as my relationship with Will.I.Am) then I'm good. So, let's all move onto more important and relevant questions such as, "Are you pro choice?"

Private Practice and Victim Blaming...

Let me just start this blog by saying that I have seen maybe three episodes ever of Grey's Anatomy and have NEVER seen an episode of Private Practice, which is apparently a spin off of the latter. So, when an actress from Private Practice, Kadee Strickland appeared on The View, I coulnd't care less. However, Kadee was on the show to explain a new storyline on Private Practice , where her character (who is in charge of the hospital in some way and newly engaged) is raped by a stranger in her office. She explained how many women will be able to relate to the story and that her character is sevrely beaten during the rape. She also said, "I'm extremely honored" in reference to portraying this storyline. Let's deconstruct, shall we?

1. It is completely insensitive and condescending to tell rape survivors that you're so "honored" to play us. It's more of this, "Good girl for getting through what we all feel is inevitable" bullshit. Actors who play characters with disabilities say the same thing and it's STILL condescending. I didn't get raped for you honor, so why don't you shut up about it.

2. I am getting really tired of non survivors playing survivors (Law & Order SVU, Lifetime, etc.) Let's try something new like a survivor playing survivor because these portrayals are not accurate.

3. No, most women CAN'T relate to this storyline because OVERWHELMINGLY rape is portrayed in the media as stranger rape when the majorities are acquaintance, friend, relative, etc. Furthermore, KaDee's character is rich, white, insured,and has a great support system. So, her story is more representative of the Lifetime breed. Her attacker is white though, which is at least statistically accurate. However the severity of the rape supports the myth that extremely violent rapes are "real" rapes.

4. I watched the show and it was full of victim blaming for KaDee's character as well as other survivors. Her fighting back was mentioned over and over and over as if a reminder that she didn't want this. As if trying to stab someone is the only way to say no? Her fiance has an emotional breakdown moment when he sees the scene of the crime and says, "She's 90 pounds soaking wet but she still fought back" almost in admiration. KaDee's character also chooses not to tell anyone (except her best friend who just sort of found out). Her friend tells her, "But what if other women are raped..blah, blah, blah." Okay, I agree with her friend. We have to look out for each other right? But if MY rapist rapes someone else it is HIS fault. I completely understand that prosecuting a rapist is the only chance at getting him behind bars...trust me. But this line of logic leaves OUT the RAPIST. HELLLOOOOO? And while you're bleeding and just had a rape kit done is probably not the best time to say this.

5. I won't comment on KaDee's silence on the rape yet. I need to see how the rest of the season plays out. Because, a rape isn't just an hour, it's a lifetime...a very PERSONAL lifetime. So, I'll give the show a little slack. But as for victim blaming and relating to women...FAIL!

6. Two great moments occurred during this show. KaDee's friends stayed in the waiting room for her the night of the rape while she was in her hospital room. That was very cool (rare but cool to see) and at one point a man says he's tired and is it okay if he went home to sleep? The only friend aware of the rape goes off him (Hells Yeah!) and says that sure he can go home in sleep because HE won't be afraid to sleep again and it didn't happen to HIM. Get you some! That was bad ass! And again when KaDee's character lay in the hospital bed her fiance called her a "victim". She responds by throwing her food tray at him and saying, "Don't ever call me a victim again or this marriage is off!" Hells Yeah again! I think this may be the opening for the term "survivor" later on in the show. We'll see. So let's.