My Deal with Weddings...

A special person recently asked me to be their date to an upcoming wedding. My response was, "Is there an open bar?" If you have known me for about five minutes, then you know that weddings are hard for me to accept. You see, I have never once heard of or been to a wedding that didn't center around some sort of nastiness. Some have been my friends and others have been strangers but either way, the message I got was always Brides are crazy and so are weddings!

Truth be told, I was pretty traumatized! When Feministing.com co-founder and author Jessica Valenti was married, I started to come around. She was quite open about her experience and explained all the sexist traditions she got rid of and how it was mainly a celebration of the love in her (and her partner's) life. That idea really resonated with me. Weddings have turned into caricatures! They're known to be disaster driven, drama filled events! We even have television shows dedicated to how ridiculous women get once that diamond ring goes on their finger!

Do I blame women? Not really. you're taught since birth (thank you, Disney) that a woman can be successful, intelligent, even a model, but is nothing without a hubby (remember lesbians don't exist in this hetero world). It makes a lot of sense to me why I hear stories of pressuring men into proposing or fighting Grandma because she forgot to pay the caterer. It's a high stress day that women are told over and over again is the, "greatest day of your life". I understand the pain, I really do.

However, there is also the issue I have that America continues to keep gay/lesbian/bisexual/and transgender people from marrying. It can be hurtful for me to see people getting married while many of my friends cannot have this "special" day.

Now that you know my dilemma, here is my conclusion. As much trauma as I've experienced, weddings (in whatever form) really are about love between a community of people. It's not about the dress, flowers, or food (okay, or the open bar). It's about people coming together in a celebration of love. As cheesy as that shit is, I can most definitely get behind that. So, I will gladly go to this wedding wishing the happy couple well. After this special day, they have a lifetime of special moments and days together (which is kind of bad ass when you think about it). I also see tons of feminist relationships that involve marriage. Times, they are a changin'!

So, I, Naomi McDowell, am actually looking forward to this celebration as well as to the day when all people have this gift. However, I still will have a glass of wine in my hand and NO diamond ring on my finger (I can't give into everything). Happy Love Celebration, everyone!