If you've followed me for a year you may know that I don't publicly declare New Year's Resolutions, but I do provide a list of everything I learned this year. So, without further ado.......
Lessons of 2011
1. Watching television series with your partner is actually great quality time
2. The Jersey Shore will suck you in with a marathon. Best to stay away from any "marathon" on T.V. when you're sick
3. Having to take random classes to stay eligible while you graduate is super fun sometimes
4. Driving to school for 2 hours in a snow storm only to find out school finally canceled is no fun
5. A flower arrangement that your partner had specially made for you is so much better than Kroger flowers
6. Some weddings can be fun and stress free
7. Some weddings cannot
8. People will absolutely look at you like you're Satan if you get engaged and say you're keeping last name
9. Your future in laws will be totally cool with the lack of name change making you feel super welcome (especially after a stranger compares you to Satan)
10. Sisters in law rock
11. Saying no is really okay to a party invite after a 9 hour drive and no sleep
12. Cousins also rock, especially when sharing old family stories we've all heard from our parents
13. I will never give up on The Real Housewives
14. Looking up wedding dresses online will overwhelm you and cause your partner to take away the computer
15. Pinterest is addicting and will cause your partner to take the computer away
16. Apartment hunting in the city with your partner is one of the best apartment hunting I've ever done
17. If your partner takes you to a crazy nice restaurant and shells out the big bucks, eating from his plate instead is not the best option...
18. The women in my life are incredible
19. Nonprofit work is the best
20. Some people need to leave your life (and you need to not feel guilty)
21. We have only 1 shot at this life so we need to live it well
22. Cooking is actually really fun
23. No ring was the right thing :)
Happy New Year! Feel free to share what you've learned this year with everyone!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
I'm Getting Married
I'm getting married to a super awesome guy named Aaron. So far, I've received so many congratulations along with some "huh?" responses. Trust me, it's nutso to think I'm getting married. I've never been the little girl dreaming of her wedding (in kindergarten all the girls dressed as brides and I went as a pumpkin). And the older I got, the more unfair it was to think that not everyone can be married (I know it's almost 2012 and we're STILL talking about this) so for me, I didn't want to "legally staple" myself to someone. If not everyone can do it and most women give up autonomy (I LIKE my last name) then why go there?
I also had MANY bad experiences with weddings as I got older. I know women who openly pressured men into proposing (there are societal reasons for this behavior) and went crazy for a diamond ring. I watched families go through unnecessary stress and go through wedding issues that they're steal dealing with. Bridezillas in real life (not the show) are really scary because when your friend acts that way you wonder if you could act that same way too. Weddings became a terrifying experience that revolved around stressed and anger...not really romantic. I had no problem with commitment (still don't) but I figured I could just live in sin and that would be that. problem solved.
Then I fell in love with a wonderful man and enjoyed a beautifully equal and hilarious relationship (we laugh so much more than you and your partner do...kidding...not really). During this time my partner and I discussed marriage many times and both agreed that we didn't want anything traditional. However, these conversations soon turned into my partner expressing his desire to marry for personal reasons and also as a sign of our commitment to each other. We also both love our family and friends so much and wanted a special day for everyone to enjoy and feel love. Together we decided to get married (legally) and to take our engagement and wedding as an occasion for activism. it's so unfair that Aaron and I even have this choice because he was born male and I was born female. We believe all people should have that right. We don't want to pretend that this isn't privilege on our part. it is.
So we're having a wedding that better reflects us with no proposal (instead a joint decision) and no ring (I don't wear diamonds and I don't need my partner to make a down payment on me) and a special day for everyone involved. We want this to be a happy process for everyone (including the man in my bridal party). Some aspects may seem traditional while others may seem crazy and that's just us. We're soooooooo cool! And we want to see everyone able to choose their own wedding or no wedding. Live in sin (sorry, I just love the phrase) or get "legally stapled" no matter who you are or love (even Kim Kardashian).
And most importantly, Aaron and I are more excited about our life together than we are about the wedding. We share a loving, equal, fun, and interesting relationship and I am so happy that we've started our life together. I hope that answers any questions people may or may not have had and I also wish love and happiness to everyone. This process is making me a bit cliche but worse things have happened :)
I also had MANY bad experiences with weddings as I got older. I know women who openly pressured men into proposing (there are societal reasons for this behavior) and went crazy for a diamond ring. I watched families go through unnecessary stress and go through wedding issues that they're steal dealing with. Bridezillas in real life (not the show) are really scary because when your friend acts that way you wonder if you could act that same way too. Weddings became a terrifying experience that revolved around stressed and anger...not really romantic. I had no problem with commitment (still don't) but I figured I could just live in sin and that would be that. problem solved.
Then I fell in love with a wonderful man and enjoyed a beautifully equal and hilarious relationship (we laugh so much more than you and your partner do...kidding...not really). During this time my partner and I discussed marriage many times and both agreed that we didn't want anything traditional. However, these conversations soon turned into my partner expressing his desire to marry for personal reasons and also as a sign of our commitment to each other. We also both love our family and friends so much and wanted a special day for everyone to enjoy and feel love. Together we decided to get married (legally) and to take our engagement and wedding as an occasion for activism. it's so unfair that Aaron and I even have this choice because he was born male and I was born female. We believe all people should have that right. We don't want to pretend that this isn't privilege on our part. it is.
So we're having a wedding that better reflects us with no proposal (instead a joint decision) and no ring (I don't wear diamonds and I don't need my partner to make a down payment on me) and a special day for everyone involved. We want this to be a happy process for everyone (including the man in my bridal party). Some aspects may seem traditional while others may seem crazy and that's just us. We're soooooooo cool! And we want to see everyone able to choose their own wedding or no wedding. Live in sin (sorry, I just love the phrase) or get "legally stapled" no matter who you are or love (even Kim Kardashian).
And most importantly, Aaron and I are more excited about our life together than we are about the wedding. We share a loving, equal, fun, and interesting relationship and I am so happy that we've started our life together. I hope that answers any questions people may or may not have had and I also wish love and happiness to everyone. This process is making me a bit cliche but worse things have happened :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What We Can Learn from Kim Kardashian
This week, news broke of reality star Kim Kardashian filing for divorce from NBA star Kris Humphries. Their wedding was extremely public and became a 4 hour special on E!. It was titled "Kim's Fairytale Wedding" and followed Kim as she planned her dream wedding. Viewers definitely turned in before learning about the end of the 72 day marriage. After news of the divorce filings broke, twitter and facebook were inundated with anti woman and heated remarks directed toward Kardashian. Many tweeters wrote about gay marriage and how Kim Kardashian has ruined the Idea of marriage (therefore gay people should marry).
Here's the thing, I am not a "fan" of Kim Kardashian so to speak and I do support gay marriage. However, Kardashian is not the only straight person to get a quick divorce (she's not even the first celebrity).
In an honest letter to fans Kardashian explained (paraphrasing) that she basically had doubts but that she felt pressure to no only GET married but to go through with her publicized wedding (again, I am paraphrasing).
People always wonder about the pressure for women to marry changed? If you ask Kardashian, not so much. How often does a celebrity known for her stereotypical femininity explain this? I don't know if Kardashian identifies as "feminist" but she brings up a feminist point. All the focus was on the wedding and that's something that I personally don't see as "changed". Every wedding I've ever attended has included immense pressure on everyone let alone the particular bride. I'm always saddened by the stress of a wedding, because marriage can be wonderful and rewarding (so can unmatched partnerships and single life). I think women can internalize his pressure to get married and then as a result, brome angry, stressed, and not joyful for the marriage. Women are taught to give up everything to get an engagement ring (including settling or pressuring men to propose) rather than to work toward a healthy, equal partnership (if they choose to have a marriage).
The message to women is "unless you're married, nothing else you do matters". You can even be a crazy liberal feminist ball buster...as long as you're married.
This is what Kardashian describe in her letter to fans. Gay people should legally be allowed to marry not because of Kim Kardashian but because we all deserve that legal right. The real lesson is that an emphasis on the partnership (whatever form that is) has to be more important than a wedding day. Maybe when I have a daughter, her Fairytale will be her dream job, or a best friend, or anything that doesn't involve a diamond ring and Vera Wang (love her clothes still).
Here's the thing, I am not a "fan" of Kim Kardashian so to speak and I do support gay marriage. However, Kardashian is not the only straight person to get a quick divorce (she's not even the first celebrity).
In an honest letter to fans Kardashian explained (paraphrasing) that she basically had doubts but that she felt pressure to no only GET married but to go through with her publicized wedding (again, I am paraphrasing).
People always wonder about the pressure for women to marry changed? If you ask Kardashian, not so much. How often does a celebrity known for her stereotypical femininity explain this? I don't know if Kardashian identifies as "feminist" but she brings up a feminist point. All the focus was on the wedding and that's something that I personally don't see as "changed". Every wedding I've ever attended has included immense pressure on everyone let alone the particular bride. I'm always saddened by the stress of a wedding, because marriage can be wonderful and rewarding (so can unmatched partnerships and single life). I think women can internalize his pressure to get married and then as a result, brome angry, stressed, and not joyful for the marriage. Women are taught to give up everything to get an engagement ring (including settling or pressuring men to propose) rather than to work toward a healthy, equal partnership (if they choose to have a marriage).
The message to women is "unless you're married, nothing else you do matters". You can even be a crazy liberal feminist ball buster...as long as you're married.
This is what Kardashian describe in her letter to fans. Gay people should legally be allowed to marry not because of Kim Kardashian but because we all deserve that legal right. The real lesson is that an emphasis on the partnership (whatever form that is) has to be more important than a wedding day. Maybe when I have a daughter, her Fairytale will be her dream job, or a best friend, or anything that doesn't involve a diamond ring and Vera Wang (love her clothes still).
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Feminism and Christianity
I gave another talk about my life as a feminist Christian and once again the class I was with was a little surprised and had many questions. Actually, women did. I was reminded yet again, how freeing this is for young women. In youth groups and Bible studies, women are often told (sometimes outright or implied) to be quiet and understand that the Bible isn't sexist but women don't exactly have a great role. In reality, the Bible is insanely feminist with many examples of bad ass women (Hello...women were the first who told the Good News and man had nothing to do with Jesus' birth).
Somehow though, these messages of feminism always get lost in the midst of a youth group lead by men for young men. This is changing but not soon enough. Telling women to take a back seat in religion might lead young women to choosing feminism (if they've gone that direction) over their religious beliefs. Do you want the beliefs that tell you to shut up or that you're a bad ass? All this lack of recognition in Christianity (or any religion for that matter) does is tell women they're not enough. In feminism, there isn't always room for religion and that pushes the gap even further.
Telling young women going through this battle that they can have both is a relief. I remember when I first realized that God didn't want me to shut up next to the men. God (whatever that is or isn't to you) wants you to know that you are more than enough and your bad ass feminist activism started in the Bible. Remember Mary, who was judged for her promiscuousity? She knew she wasn't a slut and she declared her space (gasp, did I just call Mary a slut?). Remember the OTHER Mary who we do remember as a slut? Well, she was the first disciple who the angel directed to share the Good News (take that). There are plenty more examples, people.
So, to young women I say, "You don't have to choose. Just live well." That's my only rule. Live well.
Somehow though, these messages of feminism always get lost in the midst of a youth group lead by men for young men. This is changing but not soon enough. Telling women to take a back seat in religion might lead young women to choosing feminism (if they've gone that direction) over their religious beliefs. Do you want the beliefs that tell you to shut up or that you're a bad ass? All this lack of recognition in Christianity (or any religion for that matter) does is tell women they're not enough. In feminism, there isn't always room for religion and that pushes the gap even further.
Telling young women going through this battle that they can have both is a relief. I remember when I first realized that God didn't want me to shut up next to the men. God (whatever that is or isn't to you) wants you to know that you are more than enough and your bad ass feminist activism started in the Bible. Remember Mary, who was judged for her promiscuousity? She knew she wasn't a slut and she declared her space (gasp, did I just call Mary a slut?). Remember the OTHER Mary who we do remember as a slut? Well, she was the first disciple who the angel directed to share the Good News (take that). There are plenty more examples, people.
So, to young women I say, "You don't have to choose. Just live well." That's my only rule. Live well.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Self Worth
Self worth is really tough. When I talk to teen girls, I always use the term "body image" but really it's self worth. For girls, self worth and our bodies is usually tied very closely together. Whether it's a television show pressuring girls to be "sexy", "desired" or "dumb" or a youth group telling them to be "quiet", "submissive" or "non-sexual", girls don't really make the terms. Everyone is more than eager to set the terms of self worth for girls but never to provide a space where they claim their own space, life, and self worth.
It's just not an option if you have a vulva (that's right, I used the correct term). Society and individuals really enjoy slut shaming and judging young women while sending them millions of mixed messages (doesn't sound crazy fun, right?).
I remember being incredibly sad as a teenager because I hated myself soooo sooo much. Talk about self worth! I had zip. I never felt "enough". So, instead of telling girls what they're doing wrong...try telling them "you are ENOUGH". It means more than you know. And try shutting up and listening to them. Young women are crazy bad ass and smart.
It's just not an option if you have a vulva (that's right, I used the correct term). Society and individuals really enjoy slut shaming and judging young women while sending them millions of mixed messages (doesn't sound crazy fun, right?).
I remember being incredibly sad as a teenager because I hated myself soooo sooo much. Talk about self worth! I had zip. I never felt "enough". So, instead of telling girls what they're doing wrong...try telling them "you are ENOUGH". It means more than you know. And try shutting up and listening to them. Young women are crazy bad ass and smart.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
You Should Only Play a Love Game if You're Lady Gaga
Love games. Lady Gaga sings about them, soap operas revolve around them, and teenagers live, breathe, drink, sleep and eat them. For what? Honestly, what does playing games with your significant other (or desired significant other) gain? I remember being sucked into the dramatic world of teenage relationships and thinking, "huh". Luckily, by my senior year, I regained consciousness. Yet, I still know people my age and older who have not broken the cycle they set at fifteen (or ten).
When I was about twenty-two ish, I had a really big epiphany. After thinking about some of my super healthy/super unhealthy relationships, I finally realized the secret...no games. By no games I mean: no bluffing, bribing, faking, lying (unless he or she got a haircut), guilting and anything else your little heart can dream. I have also named this the There's the Door Rule. Be clear in the beginning of a relationship about what I can and cannot offer. I expect the same from my partner. If you're clingy, tell somebody! Don't hide it and then let it all come out in crazy throughout your relationship. Say, "Hey, I am super crazy awesome and admittedly clingy when it comes to relationships. Can you deal with that?" This way, everyone knows what's up and they can decide if they're in or out with all the information. This is where I say, "I love so much space in a relationship you'll probably feel single sometimes." That's cool too!
It's called "There's the Door" because leaving is always an option for anyone. I am not a fan of threatening to leave a relationship or telling someone they can leave unless you mean it. If someone wants to leave...let them! Don't you want to be with someone who...I don't know...wants to be with you????? I sure as hell do! So, if you're threatening to leave, you better mean it. There's the door and please don't look over your shoulder at me as if I'm going to stop you from leaving. I now know that if someone wants to leave, then they should get to leave. Sure, break ups suck, but loving someone who doesn't want to be with you is definitely worse. Talk about a self esteem killer.
So, let's leave the love games to the teenagers/grown ups who play teenagers on T.V.
When I was about twenty-two ish, I had a really big epiphany. After thinking about some of my super healthy/super unhealthy relationships, I finally realized the secret...no games. By no games I mean: no bluffing, bribing, faking, lying (unless he or she got a haircut), guilting and anything else your little heart can dream. I have also named this the There's the Door Rule. Be clear in the beginning of a relationship about what I can and cannot offer. I expect the same from my partner. If you're clingy, tell somebody! Don't hide it and then let it all come out in crazy throughout your relationship. Say, "Hey, I am super crazy awesome and admittedly clingy when it comes to relationships. Can you deal with that?" This way, everyone knows what's up and they can decide if they're in or out with all the information. This is where I say, "I love so much space in a relationship you'll probably feel single sometimes." That's cool too!
It's called "There's the Door" because leaving is always an option for anyone. I am not a fan of threatening to leave a relationship or telling someone they can leave unless you mean it. If someone wants to leave...let them! Don't you want to be with someone who...I don't know...wants to be with you????? I sure as hell do! So, if you're threatening to leave, you better mean it. There's the door and please don't look over your shoulder at me as if I'm going to stop you from leaving. I now know that if someone wants to leave, then they should get to leave. Sure, break ups suck, but loving someone who doesn't want to be with you is definitely worse. Talk about a self esteem killer.
So, let's leave the love games to the teenagers/grown ups who play teenagers on T.V.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
"Give him a hug!"
One thing my church upbringing gave me, was a front row seat to little girls dressed in frilly dresses as their parents forced them to give hugs. I never liked the fact that a greeting for a little girl is a forced hug for whomever and whenever. It's the first lesson in, "Don't trust your instincts, hug everyone because it's polite!" If said little girl looked hesitant or refused she was told, "Don't be rude" or "It's polite". I call bullshit.
Do we really wonder why these little girls grow up to women who question and doubt their own instincts. When sexual assault occurs, other women and men constantly question why she didn't run or scream, or get off the elevator, etc. Duh! Because when she was five, her parents told it was rude or would hurt a man's feelings if she didn't hug them.
I always felt this ritual was creepy but didn't make the connection until I was sitting in a class that an awesome group called Michael's House gave (they work with abused children in the Dayton area) and they talked about this same creepy issue. Teaching any child that when an adult asks for a hug or anything a child doesn't want to give, you give it, is crazy! Then you turn around and tell them, "But if someone makes you do something you don't want to do, come find Mommy or Daddy." Hello? Mommy and Daddy just made me hug someone I didn't want to! Contradiction much?
For the record: I never remember my parents making me do this and this creepy ritual isn't strictly happening in churches but it definitely happens in any group gathering. That often means it happens when it's coffee (not the good kind) time at church.
I'm not a parent and I don't blame parents (it's a long tradition to force kids to give hugs) but when you know better, you do better. How about your child saying hello? Or a handshake? Do you really have to force your scared child to give a hug? No. I've been a nanny for tons of little kids and after Michael's House training I used what they recommended. "Do you have an hugs to give today?" No, you don't? Then FINE! You're teaching your child that they don't have to hug if they don't want to.
I once attended a church where a man who made me really uncomfortable forced me to hug him every Sunday. It got to the point where my friends and I would either conveniently go to the bathroom during the greeting time or we forced ourselves into a horrible hug. Then one day I just said, "How about a handshake?" The angels sung and the clouds parted. I always had this power but never felt comfortable using it in this setting. What the hell (literally because we were in church).
So, if your child has a hug to give...awesome! Hug away! But, if she looks terrified or just plain doesn't want to...let her exercise the power and give a good old fashioned, "hello". Don't make her wait until she's 22 before she finally gets the ovaries to ask for a handshake instead.
Do we really wonder why these little girls grow up to women who question and doubt their own instincts. When sexual assault occurs, other women and men constantly question why she didn't run or scream, or get off the elevator, etc. Duh! Because when she was five, her parents told it was rude or would hurt a man's feelings if she didn't hug them.
I always felt this ritual was creepy but didn't make the connection until I was sitting in a class that an awesome group called Michael's House gave (they work with abused children in the Dayton area) and they talked about this same creepy issue. Teaching any child that when an adult asks for a hug or anything a child doesn't want to give, you give it, is crazy! Then you turn around and tell them, "But if someone makes you do something you don't want to do, come find Mommy or Daddy." Hello? Mommy and Daddy just made me hug someone I didn't want to! Contradiction much?
For the record: I never remember my parents making me do this and this creepy ritual isn't strictly happening in churches but it definitely happens in any group gathering. That often means it happens when it's coffee (not the good kind) time at church.
I'm not a parent and I don't blame parents (it's a long tradition to force kids to give hugs) but when you know better, you do better. How about your child saying hello? Or a handshake? Do you really have to force your scared child to give a hug? No. I've been a nanny for tons of little kids and after Michael's House training I used what they recommended. "Do you have an hugs to give today?" No, you don't? Then FINE! You're teaching your child that they don't have to hug if they don't want to.
I once attended a church where a man who made me really uncomfortable forced me to hug him every Sunday. It got to the point where my friends and I would either conveniently go to the bathroom during the greeting time or we forced ourselves into a horrible hug. Then one day I just said, "How about a handshake?" The angels sung and the clouds parted. I always had this power but never felt comfortable using it in this setting. What the hell (literally because we were in church).
So, if your child has a hug to give...awesome! Hug away! But, if she looks terrified or just plain doesn't want to...let her exercise the power and give a good old fashioned, "hello". Don't make her wait until she's 22 before she finally gets the ovaries to ask for a handshake instead.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Gay Marriage and Christians (Gasp!)
First of all, sorry for the few and far between blog posts this summer, guys! I started the summer off with a lung infection/cyst issue that is still boggling the minds of doctors leaving me in a lot of intense pain. However, I'm starting to feel mostly pain free now so hopefully the medical issues go away. Now, on to the blogging.
I've discussed gay marriage on here before, but with the recent New York law and rumors surrounding Obama's possible gay rights run in 2012, I think it's worth looking at from a biblical perspective. Stay with me, though. Whenever I talk to non-religious people, they ask me why other Christians are so against gay marriage and I really don't have a great answer. You see, I wish I could quote the one Bible verse that says it all, but there isn't one. At least that would solve the mystery.
When I ask other Christians why they're against gay marriage they vaguely say, "It's clearly in the Bible." Then I respond with, "What verse?". There's usually silence. There isn't a clear cut Bible verse that answers this question (leading me to believe that it doesn't need to be a question at all for Christianity). There are different parts of Bible verses that, when taken out of context, vaguely address homosexuality, but that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. The more I press for a clear cut answer, the more Christians squirm (and get P-I-S-S-E-D).
I've heard people claim that the Bible isn't a clear cut answer kind of book but I disagree. While the books are littered with metaphors (often misinterpreted) and analogies, there are also clear "laws" (i.e. the Ten Commandments are pretty damn clear in my book and they don't mention homosexuality).
Where do I stand? As if we didn't already know? Homosexuality is possibly MORE natural than heterosexuality (have you ever seen how hard straight people work at being straight?). Seriously though, it's not my opinion (after careful reading of Bible verses and speaking with spiritual advisers) that God has any beef with gay marriage. I don't even think that it matters. It's not something for Christians to TOLERATE or to live with hoping that their friends give it up for the hetero bedroom activities, it just isn't even an issue.
Remember the cardinal rule? God is good. Condemning people who are gay to hell? That sounds absurd when people say that shit aloud. It just doesn't make sense and doesn't have a Biblical basis whatsoever.
So, the next issue is then, "Why do Christians believe this with a passion if there's no Biblical proof?" Well, we don't. I'm not the only Christian who thinks this is bullshit. The loudest Christians claim that homosexuality is a sin and sending everyone to hell (some even claim PRIDE is the reason the world will end...we're still waiting on that by the way). I don't know these people or their hearts but I can say that whether or not they truly believe this bullshit, they're just spreading hate. I don't completely understand it because Christians who legitimately don't know what to think about homosexuality tend to stay quiet, discuss the issue respectfully, and look in the Bible themselves. They don't act "high and mighty" condemning people to hell.
I don't know exactly why this hatred is so loud in our society. I think a lot of it stems from sexism (i.e. these same loud mouths aren't too fond of women, especially the women themselves), and that's about as far as I get. At times, I try to understand and other times I think understanding hatred is almost impossible. There's no logical argument and trying to find one can imply that these people actually have a point.
Either way, this is where I land on the issue, crystal freaking clear.
I've discussed gay marriage on here before, but with the recent New York law and rumors surrounding Obama's possible gay rights run in 2012, I think it's worth looking at from a biblical perspective. Stay with me, though. Whenever I talk to non-religious people, they ask me why other Christians are so against gay marriage and I really don't have a great answer. You see, I wish I could quote the one Bible verse that says it all, but there isn't one. At least that would solve the mystery.
When I ask other Christians why they're against gay marriage they vaguely say, "It's clearly in the Bible." Then I respond with, "What verse?". There's usually silence. There isn't a clear cut Bible verse that answers this question (leading me to believe that it doesn't need to be a question at all for Christianity). There are different parts of Bible verses that, when taken out of context, vaguely address homosexuality, but that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. The more I press for a clear cut answer, the more Christians squirm (and get P-I-S-S-E-D).
I've heard people claim that the Bible isn't a clear cut answer kind of book but I disagree. While the books are littered with metaphors (often misinterpreted) and analogies, there are also clear "laws" (i.e. the Ten Commandments are pretty damn clear in my book and they don't mention homosexuality).
Where do I stand? As if we didn't already know? Homosexuality is possibly MORE natural than heterosexuality (have you ever seen how hard straight people work at being straight?). Seriously though, it's not my opinion (after careful reading of Bible verses and speaking with spiritual advisers) that God has any beef with gay marriage. I don't even think that it matters. It's not something for Christians to TOLERATE or to live with hoping that their friends give it up for the hetero bedroom activities, it just isn't even an issue.
Remember the cardinal rule? God is good. Condemning people who are gay to hell? That sounds absurd when people say that shit aloud. It just doesn't make sense and doesn't have a Biblical basis whatsoever.
So, the next issue is then, "Why do Christians believe this with a passion if there's no Biblical proof?" Well, we don't. I'm not the only Christian who thinks this is bullshit. The loudest Christians claim that homosexuality is a sin and sending everyone to hell (some even claim PRIDE is the reason the world will end...we're still waiting on that by the way). I don't know these people or their hearts but I can say that whether or not they truly believe this bullshit, they're just spreading hate. I don't completely understand it because Christians who legitimately don't know what to think about homosexuality tend to stay quiet, discuss the issue respectfully, and look in the Bible themselves. They don't act "high and mighty" condemning people to hell.
I don't know exactly why this hatred is so loud in our society. I think a lot of it stems from sexism (i.e. these same loud mouths aren't too fond of women, especially the women themselves), and that's about as far as I get. At times, I try to understand and other times I think understanding hatred is almost impossible. There's no logical argument and trying to find one can imply that these people actually have a point.
Either way, this is where I land on the issue, crystal freaking clear.
Monday, June 20, 2011
PRIDE!
Saturday I went to PRIDE in Columbus, Ohio. I was first introduced to PRIDE, two years ago by a big group of friends. I immediately fell in love! It was full of people, beer, children, parents, single people looking for love, dancing, and smiles. I couldn't’t believe how happy everyone was! There are tons of festivals every summer, but no one smiles as much as they do at PRIDE. This year, I went with a different group of friends, which happened to include a one year old (cutest baby ever).
Seeing PRIDE through a baby’s eyes was a lot like experiencing PRIDE for the first time. Other couples and parents were constantly guessing his age and wishing his parents well in the midst of one of the best parades around. Let’s just say this baby was quite pleased with being the center of attention at the same time Lady Gaga played in the background.
It was a reminder that PRIDE is fun and campy but it’s a lot more than just that. PRIDE is the one escape each year where families can enjoy the festivities without someone shoving the Bible in their faces. There were protesters there but we managed to avoid them quite successfully with very little effort. In a world where LGBTQI rights are…well…non existent (depending where you live, work, etc)…it was a welcome change.
It was incredible to see so many kids enjoying themselves and seeing all around them that whatever “form” their family is, it’s wonderful! So, while I didn’t go dancing late that night (I was exhausted and asleep by 9:30 pm), or drink more than two beers, I had the most fun I’ve ever had at PRIDE. This year, I was reminded why the parade means so much. It’s all about love and celebration of life.
Seeing PRIDE through a baby’s eyes was a lot like experiencing PRIDE for the first time. Other couples and parents were constantly guessing his age and wishing his parents well in the midst of one of the best parades around. Let’s just say this baby was quite pleased with being the center of attention at the same time Lady Gaga played in the background.
It was a reminder that PRIDE is fun and campy but it’s a lot more than just that. PRIDE is the one escape each year where families can enjoy the festivities without someone shoving the Bible in their faces. There were protesters there but we managed to avoid them quite successfully with very little effort. In a world where LGBTQI rights are…well…non existent (depending where you live, work, etc)…it was a welcome change.
It was incredible to see so many kids enjoying themselves and seeing all around them that whatever “form” their family is, it’s wonderful! So, while I didn’t go dancing late that night (I was exhausted and asleep by 9:30 pm), or drink more than two beers, I had the most fun I’ve ever had at PRIDE. This year, I was reminded why the parade means so much. It’s all about love and celebration of life.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The Quran
Yesterday in my women’s studies class, a woman from Iran spoke to us about her time in prison (she was arrested for spreading information about democracy) and her spiritual journey with Islam. It was really great to see her art work and hear about her experience with prison and how that affected her faith when she was released after five years.
For about a year, she still had faith in Islam but was very torn between her belief of what Islam is versus that of her country (and other countries that observe Islam). So, after this year of confusion, she began a journey to seek the truth of her faith by going directly to the Quran. Here are some examples of the verses she shared that also had a profound impact on me.
Quran, 25:63
“The worshipers of the Most Gracious are those who tread the earth gently and when the ignorant speak to them, they only utter peace”
Quran, 2:256
“There shall be no compulsion in religion”
Quran, 39:18
“They are the ones who examine all words, then follow the best. These are the ones whom God has guided, these are the ones who possess intelligence”
Quran, 17:36
“You shall not accept any information, unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight, and the brain, and you are responsible for them”
I love that these verses from the Quran challenge the mainstream idea of Islam. These are all about peace and several mentioned the equality of men and women but admittedly, I couldn’t write them down quickly enough. I’ll have to research those in the near future. But I also loved how the Quran openly challenges all people to seek our own truth in life. As I continue my journey of faith and spirituality, this idea really resonates with me. Christianity has become rather compulsive in the sense that many followers of my faith believe that they need to convert everyone to their specific version of Christianity, in order to not go to “hell”. As someone who personally follows Christianity, I find this idea frustrating and feel a great sense of freedom with these verses from the Quran. We are all meant to seek our truth and when it’s truth, you cannot go wrong. My truth is not to practice intolerance or believe that God wants me to blindly follow Her. My truth and my spirituality is one of great thinking and PEACE. When there’s an injustice I will always speak, but my God is one of peace and good. Therefore, compulsive Christianity to escape the wrath of hell does not add up with my truth.
For about a year, she still had faith in Islam but was very torn between her belief of what Islam is versus that of her country (and other countries that observe Islam). So, after this year of confusion, she began a journey to seek the truth of her faith by going directly to the Quran. Here are some examples of the verses she shared that also had a profound impact on me.
Quran, 25:63
“The worshipers of the Most Gracious are those who tread the earth gently and when the ignorant speak to them, they only utter peace”
Quran, 2:256
“There shall be no compulsion in religion”
Quran, 39:18
“They are the ones who examine all words, then follow the best. These are the ones whom God has guided, these are the ones who possess intelligence”
Quran, 17:36
“You shall not accept any information, unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight, and the brain, and you are responsible for them”
I love that these verses from the Quran challenge the mainstream idea of Islam. These are all about peace and several mentioned the equality of men and women but admittedly, I couldn’t write them down quickly enough. I’ll have to research those in the near future. But I also loved how the Quran openly challenges all people to seek our own truth in life. As I continue my journey of faith and spirituality, this idea really resonates with me. Christianity has become rather compulsive in the sense that many followers of my faith believe that they need to convert everyone to their specific version of Christianity, in order to not go to “hell”. As someone who personally follows Christianity, I find this idea frustrating and feel a great sense of freedom with these verses from the Quran. We are all meant to seek our truth and when it’s truth, you cannot go wrong. My truth is not to practice intolerance or believe that God wants me to blindly follow Her. My truth and my spirituality is one of great thinking and PEACE. When there’s an injustice I will always speak, but my God is one of peace and good. Therefore, compulsive Christianity to escape the wrath of hell does not add up with my truth.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Whispers
This week has been a time for whispers. If you watch Oprah, then you know what I'm talking about but just in case we'll review. A whisper is when the universe is trying to tell you something. It could be "Maybe I need a new job" or "Something is not right". Whatever the whisper, someone or something is attempting to send a message. I have been getting whispers recently, and am trying to follow them. In my past, I have ignored these whispers, ending with a brick wall to replace the universe's once subtle message. I know these whispers are in my life to guide me in truth and authenticity (you know, so I should probably listen or something). It's very cool to be discovering our truths as individuals...but it can also be frustrating. Sometimes we hear too many opinions or too much of the world and we can barely hear our own thoughts and desires! So, in times like these when I'm a little unsure of my next steps, I sit in quiet and let my wants and my truths come to the surface. That can be through meditation, writing, yoga, walking, anything! All that matters is that I take time for the "whisper" as Oprah puts it. And so I will.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Self-Esteem
It's really sad to hear stories of low self-esteem from teenagers. The "It Gets Better" campaign is doing great work for suicidal teens (originated specifically for gay teens) and it gets me thinking that maybe women should start some sort of campign for body image as well.
It hurts me to hear young women and girls expressing hatred for themselves. There's so much pressure to look a certain way, not be too smart or too funny, fit in, be nice, etc. Women are always being watched and this objectification starts younger and younger each week it seems!
It's so discouraging to me and then I hear my friends and women older tham myself saying similar things and expressing a similar self hatred.
If you believe in any creator or the universe as a creator we've all been made with purpose. We're all wonderful and valued even when we don't feel it. I wonder what the world could look like if we all reach out to children, youth, ourselves, our peers, our mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. Maybe instead of claiming that gay people will burn in hell and claiming that Jesus could come back on Saturday, we should try spreading some love. You know, like Jesus did. But it seems that idea is much too radical.
It hurts me to hear young women and girls expressing hatred for themselves. There's so much pressure to look a certain way, not be too smart or too funny, fit in, be nice, etc. Women are always being watched and this objectification starts younger and younger each week it seems!
It's so discouraging to me and then I hear my friends and women older tham myself saying similar things and expressing a similar self hatred.
If you believe in any creator or the universe as a creator we've all been made with purpose. We're all wonderful and valued even when we don't feel it. I wonder what the world could look like if we all reach out to children, youth, ourselves, our peers, our mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc. Maybe instead of claiming that gay people will burn in hell and claiming that Jesus could come back on Saturday, we should try spreading some love. You know, like Jesus did. But it seems that idea is much too radical.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
The End of the World
Apparently May 21st is the end of the world. You heard me right! One crazy group originating in Kentucky decided (based on gay PRIDE parades...seriously) that the world is ending May 21, 2011. Today is May 12th! The belief is that when the world "ends" that Jesus will come back and take all the Christians (specifically hateful evangelical ones. For example, I don't count as a Christian to these people), and the rest of us will be lit on fire or something like that. Life is so hard.
What do we do with this as Christians/non-Christians. Well, the end of the world thing is a good argument (not the specific date though). Biblically, when the world ends is unknown (just in case you were unsure of whether or not this group is crazy). However, there are tons of people who talk about Jesus coming back and a torturous five months or so where everyone who is not "Christian" burns and is tortured. This particular argument is some times effective because there is so much unknown about afterlife and God (god) so even if people logically know that doesn't sound right, some still wonder.
This is a scare tactic that can work for only bad. A wise woman once said that God is good. Because she knows this, her litmus test for crazy unbiblical claims is that if something doesn't fit into the realm of God is good, then it clearly isn't true. The "rapture" is one of the most misquoted and misunderstood books of the Bible. Why? Because we really don't know what the future brings. Our desire to constantly be one step ahead of the universe has resulted in taking one book of the Bible and treating it like a guide book to the end of times.
During a recession, this tactic is especially appealing because we're struggling. If you're losing your house this week and the world ends the 21st...well, that's a deal.
Being "saved" isn't exactly what the Bible says gets us into heaven. For me, when Jesus says he is the "way, truth, and light", to me it's his way of life. I am not saying that "good works" get us into heaven. But it's possible that our hearts do. I honestly don't know if I believe in hell. If it exists, it's strictly for evil (like when someone holds a "God Hates Fags" sign at a PRIDE parade where two men are trying to teach their young child how to use a swing set on a playground (I shit you not, I saw this happen two years ago).
I really think of heaven as when my soul, heart, and mind line up. Life is a journey and I may never get there. However, to me this way of life (that Jesus and so many other religious figures have and do symbolize/illustrate) is the way, truth, and light. It is the way to truth, truth is the only way to live, and leads to spreading your light or joy. Bad ass right? This is my spirituality that is still developing and comes from a lot of religious research and classes. So, figure out what your truth is (religious, atheist, whatever floats your boat and doesn't harm others). Until then, the "Christians" are leaving May 21st. Let the gayest party ever begin!
What do we do with this as Christians/non-Christians. Well, the end of the world thing is a good argument (not the specific date though). Biblically, when the world ends is unknown (just in case you were unsure of whether or not this group is crazy). However, there are tons of people who talk about Jesus coming back and a torturous five months or so where everyone who is not "Christian" burns and is tortured. This particular argument is some times effective because there is so much unknown about afterlife and God (god) so even if people logically know that doesn't sound right, some still wonder.
This is a scare tactic that can work for only bad. A wise woman once said that God is good. Because she knows this, her litmus test for crazy unbiblical claims is that if something doesn't fit into the realm of God is good, then it clearly isn't true. The "rapture" is one of the most misquoted and misunderstood books of the Bible. Why? Because we really don't know what the future brings. Our desire to constantly be one step ahead of the universe has resulted in taking one book of the Bible and treating it like a guide book to the end of times.
During a recession, this tactic is especially appealing because we're struggling. If you're losing your house this week and the world ends the 21st...well, that's a deal.
Being "saved" isn't exactly what the Bible says gets us into heaven. For me, when Jesus says he is the "way, truth, and light", to me it's his way of life. I am not saying that "good works" get us into heaven. But it's possible that our hearts do. I honestly don't know if I believe in hell. If it exists, it's strictly for evil (like when someone holds a "God Hates Fags" sign at a PRIDE parade where two men are trying to teach their young child how to use a swing set on a playground (I shit you not, I saw this happen two years ago).
I really think of heaven as when my soul, heart, and mind line up. Life is a journey and I may never get there. However, to me this way of life (that Jesus and so many other religious figures have and do symbolize/illustrate) is the way, truth, and light. It is the way to truth, truth is the only way to live, and leads to spreading your light or joy. Bad ass right? This is my spirituality that is still developing and comes from a lot of religious research and classes. So, figure out what your truth is (religious, atheist, whatever floats your boat and doesn't harm others). Until then, the "Christians" are leaving May 21st. Let the gayest party ever begin!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Body Image Update
Around New Year's, I made a resolution to only think and speak positive thoughts about my body. It's May, so I thought you all deserved an update (also, I know some readers did it with me).
What a difference! I'm far from perfect, but I am meditating now and viewing myself in a whole new light. I catch myself staring too closely at the mirror or pinching my "love handles". I don't allow other people to comment on my body negatively and I'm trying to get back into my yoga routine. It's really awesome! I don't think I realized how negative I was being to myself until I stopped. It feels like a weight (haha) has been lifted off my shoulders!
The other day someone I work with was telling me about her thirteen year old daughter who has self esteem issues. It really pissed me off! Why is that if you have a vagina, you'll spend 75% of your time getting over bullshit standards? What the hell? It's no wonder we aren't ruling the world when we're standing in front of a mirror degrading ourselves every morning!
My experiment has shown me more than ever that this bullshit is everywhere and not going away unless we all speak up. Share your experiences with body image or your own resolution to be more positive about yourself. You can use this blog, facebook (be careful), or tell your friends but let's start these conversations. Let's shove our awesomeness in the face of bullshit (I am really on a roll with this whole swearing thing today). Let's love each other and ourselves! You know you want to...
What a difference! I'm far from perfect, but I am meditating now and viewing myself in a whole new light. I catch myself staring too closely at the mirror or pinching my "love handles". I don't allow other people to comment on my body negatively and I'm trying to get back into my yoga routine. It's really awesome! I don't think I realized how negative I was being to myself until I stopped. It feels like a weight (haha) has been lifted off my shoulders!
The other day someone I work with was telling me about her thirteen year old daughter who has self esteem issues. It really pissed me off! Why is that if you have a vagina, you'll spend 75% of your time getting over bullshit standards? What the hell? It's no wonder we aren't ruling the world when we're standing in front of a mirror degrading ourselves every morning!
My experiment has shown me more than ever that this bullshit is everywhere and not going away unless we all speak up. Share your experiences with body image or your own resolution to be more positive about yourself. You can use this blog, facebook (be careful), or tell your friends but let's start these conversations. Let's shove our awesomeness in the face of bullshit (I am really on a roll with this whole swearing thing today). Let's love each other and ourselves! You know you want to...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What Women's Studies Means to Me
With the recent events at Wright State University, and my blog post covering the new decision, I thought it would be more than appropriate to write about what Women's Studies has meant to me personally during my time here.
When I first entered a Women's Studies class, I immediately felt at home. Despite a few sexist comments from men and women around me, the loudest people were those who really felt a commitment to feminism. I remember reading Alice Walker, bell hooks, Baumgardner and Richards. They spoke to me and ignited a passion for me that felt different than anything else in my life. Jessica Valenti describes her own similar experience in college as finally "getting past the bullshit". That's exactly how I felt. I suddenly realized all the pressure I constantly felt to be pretty, excessively thin, smart but not too smart, funny but not too funny, liked by men, etc. was all bullshit. It was the most liberating experience I've ever had.
As I took more classes, my professors taught me how to deconstruct this "bullshit" using feminist theory. I felt empowered, not to mention...happy. You see, while I spoke at my first women's studies conference, wrote kick ass papers, learned to argue effectively, and the definition of heteronormative, I also learned to love myself.
I took great classes because the Women's Studies department at Wright State is so great. Its director made sure we had classes that challenged and taught us so much. It's because of this effort that while I have flourished in the academic context, I have also flourished as a human being.
What's happening right now is so deeply personal to me because of what the program has meant to me. I do not believe that losing its director would do anything positive for women's studies at Wright State. I do believe it will do great harm. I'm graduating soon and I would like to see other students have the opportunity for a similar experience. Without such a well run program, such a personal experience, amazing classes, and great faculty and staff, I wouldn't be who I am today. No matter the outcome, I will never forget that. Because of what Women's Studies means to me, I will fight for these women and this program that has shaped me to greatly.
When I first entered a Women's Studies class, I immediately felt at home. Despite a few sexist comments from men and women around me, the loudest people were those who really felt a commitment to feminism. I remember reading Alice Walker, bell hooks, Baumgardner and Richards. They spoke to me and ignited a passion for me that felt different than anything else in my life. Jessica Valenti describes her own similar experience in college as finally "getting past the bullshit". That's exactly how I felt. I suddenly realized all the pressure I constantly felt to be pretty, excessively thin, smart but not too smart, funny but not too funny, liked by men, etc. was all bullshit. It was the most liberating experience I've ever had.
As I took more classes, my professors taught me how to deconstruct this "bullshit" using feminist theory. I felt empowered, not to mention...happy. You see, while I spoke at my first women's studies conference, wrote kick ass papers, learned to argue effectively, and the definition of heteronormative, I also learned to love myself.
I took great classes because the Women's Studies department at Wright State is so great. Its director made sure we had classes that challenged and taught us so much. It's because of this effort that while I have flourished in the academic context, I have also flourished as a human being.
What's happening right now is so deeply personal to me because of what the program has meant to me. I do not believe that losing its director would do anything positive for women's studies at Wright State. I do believe it will do great harm. I'm graduating soon and I would like to see other students have the opportunity for a similar experience. Without such a well run program, such a personal experience, amazing classes, and great faculty and staff, I wouldn't be who I am today. No matter the outcome, I will never forget that. Because of what Women's Studies means to me, I will fight for these women and this program that has shaped me to greatly.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
This is What a PISSED of Feminist Looks Like
Today there was a mass email sent to faculty, staff, and students at Wright State University. This email informed said parties that earlier a decision was made by Dean Charles Taylor decided to "eliminate the directoships and associated staff positions of the undergraduate interdisciplinary programs, including Women's Studies." All six directors are women in charge of Women's Studies, African American Studies, International Studies, Criminal Justice, Social Science Ed, and Liberal Studies.
This has been described as a "budget" concern. As a Women's Studies student, this is yet another reminder that my work may never be considered valid or important to some. It reminds me that women who work in these fields are viewed as replaceable (not even needing to be replaced) and are expected to carry this workload without thanks or even pay (whom do they think will pick up the slack from ELIMINATING six jobs). Women's Studies literally saved my life during a time where I was severely depressed after my sexual assault. Through feminist theory and classes, I learned how to channel my pain and anger into great work. I learned about bell hooks and Audre Lorde right after reading Jessica Valenti's bad ass works. I learned to see the world for the good and to fight against the bad. As a Women's Studies professor said to me on the phone today, "We don't fight because we think we'll win. We fight because it's right."
This is wrong. These six women matter. Daily, they pour themselves into these jobs. I am ashamed of my university and sad to learn how Wright State feels about women. More than that, I am pissed. I am pissed as hell. And if Wright State wants to see what a pissed off feminist looks like, they'll soon see us...a lot of us. Mobilize. Don't take shit. Use the theory from the classroom and create change with it. These are the women who have changed our lives.
P.S. You can reach Charles Taylor at: charlestaylor@wright.edu or his office at 937-775-2225 170 Millett Hall :)
This has been described as a "budget" concern. As a Women's Studies student, this is yet another reminder that my work may never be considered valid or important to some. It reminds me that women who work in these fields are viewed as replaceable (not even needing to be replaced) and are expected to carry this workload without thanks or even pay (whom do they think will pick up the slack from ELIMINATING six jobs). Women's Studies literally saved my life during a time where I was severely depressed after my sexual assault. Through feminist theory and classes, I learned how to channel my pain and anger into great work. I learned about bell hooks and Audre Lorde right after reading Jessica Valenti's bad ass works. I learned to see the world for the good and to fight against the bad. As a Women's Studies professor said to me on the phone today, "We don't fight because we think we'll win. We fight because it's right."
This is wrong. These six women matter. Daily, they pour themselves into these jobs. I am ashamed of my university and sad to learn how Wright State feels about women. More than that, I am pissed. I am pissed as hell. And if Wright State wants to see what a pissed off feminist looks like, they'll soon see us...a lot of us. Mobilize. Don't take shit. Use the theory from the classroom and create change with it. These are the women who have changed our lives.
P.S. You can reach Charles Taylor at: charlestaylor@wright.edu or his office at 937-775-2225 170 Millett Hall :)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
"Click"
Over Spring Break, I read a book I’ve wanted to read for quite some time called Click. The book is a collection of writing by different feminists (of diverse backgrounds) who describe the moment/s that feminism “clicked” for them. Oprah says “Aha! Moment”, others describe it as the stars aligning or when something feels right all of a sudden. “Click” moments are used a lot in feminist discourse and are the basis of some of my favorite reads such as The Purity Myth, The Beauty Myth, etc. It’s really cool stuff! After taking some much needed R&R and reading Click, I thought I’d blog about some of my own similar moments! And if anyone else wants to share her/his click moment/s for feminism, feel free!
Growing up, my parents raised me to believe I could do anything I was passionate about. Not once did they say, “Girls do this, boys do that”. In fact, the feminists that they are said quite the opposite. I grew up in the church learning about all religions and cultures. Life was pretty good for me until I began to realize that other Christians didn’t feel the way my family did. I remember sitting in Sunday school in the sixth grade and listening to a huge jerk named Joshua Harris (look him up because he is crazy), author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, say on camera that if you kiss a boy or girl before marriage that you are living a life that will lead to hell. No joke. I tried to talk to the woman leading the class but she said, “Maybe you don’t agree with what he said because you feel guilty and know he’s right.” Click. At twelve, I didn’t know exactly why, but I knew that was not okay.
In high school, my family moved and I attended a new youth group. I quickly made friends with the girls but jealousies and crushes on boys tore our friendships apart. Suddenly, my opinionated self was seen as an “ungodly” woman and I was encouraged to let men lead. One of the boys in the youth group said to me, “You’re very pretty and I wanted to date you when we first met. But then I found out you had opinions and I changed my mind.” Click.
In college, I was a political science major put took a women’s studies class as an elective. Immediately, I fell in love reading feminist theory or blogs from www.feministing.com. I fell in love with the words of bell hooks and laughed with Jessica Valenti. I was at home. After changing my major, I went through some old papers and found a paper I wrote my senior year of high school where I described wanting to take women’s studies classes. I forgot my own high school dreams of feminism. I lost myself a little but now I was back on track with my passion. It was a moment that Mother God/the Universe whispered, “This is the right path. You’re exactly where you need to be.” Click.
Many of my fellow feminist friends describe the moment they cut their hair from long to short as the moment they felt more of “themselves”. For me, it was the opposite. I always had short hair or shoulder length hair. I hid under short hair. Secretly, I admired the other girls around me with long hair that flowed freely and set them apart from a crowd. I never grew it out though, because I didn’t feel like a “long haired” girl. Long hair represented everything I wanted, independence, freedom, passion, and a purposeful path. A joyous life, if you will. A couple years ago, I cut my hair really short after letting it grow out a bit. As soon as I cut it, I wondered what I was doing. I didn’t want short hair so why was I cutting it short? Ever since then, I haven’t done anything besides a trim (besides the one shoulder length break up hair cut) and I have never felt better. I feel more…me. It’s awesome! Maybe one day I’ll want it short but either way, I’ll do what I want with my hair because it’s my hair. It’s a symbol of my embracing of the real me. It’s a symbol for love of my authentic self (even if it is “ungodly”). Click.
Soon after deciding I didn’t want to get married (I watched too many friends go crazy during their own wedding plans), I entered a relationship with an awesome feminist man. At first, this relationship was wonderful and I was really proud of how feminist I was being in every aspect of my life. Even though we would never get married, I saw myself slowly getting caught up in what other people thought about our relationship. I was constantly wondering if my friends approved of us or if they thought we were “feminist” enough. Soon, all I talked about was my relationship until my own actions contributed to the inevitable break up. It was horrible. Months afterward, when I began to heal, I suddenly realized that any relationship can be heteronormative (even two feminist people). Any relationship can fall into this trap whether you wan to get married or not. What matters is love. I was still self conscious of my own feminism and that translated into my partnership. I was so worried about being liked and admired and I forgo about what I thought of me. The most important relationship is the one with me or else all others will surely fail. Click.
After years of silence, I finally started talking about my sexual assault. I met other women who identified as “survivor”. I joined a group where we believe that part of healing is activist work within the community and together we hold events where women and men can speak out against sexual assault and intimate partner violence. I found my voice and my spirit. I found other women. Click.
Growing up, my parents raised me to believe I could do anything I was passionate about. Not once did they say, “Girls do this, boys do that”. In fact, the feminists that they are said quite the opposite. I grew up in the church learning about all religions and cultures. Life was pretty good for me until I began to realize that other Christians didn’t feel the way my family did. I remember sitting in Sunday school in the sixth grade and listening to a huge jerk named Joshua Harris (look him up because he is crazy), author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, say on camera that if you kiss a boy or girl before marriage that you are living a life that will lead to hell. No joke. I tried to talk to the woman leading the class but she said, “Maybe you don’t agree with what he said because you feel guilty and know he’s right.” Click. At twelve, I didn’t know exactly why, but I knew that was not okay.
In high school, my family moved and I attended a new youth group. I quickly made friends with the girls but jealousies and crushes on boys tore our friendships apart. Suddenly, my opinionated self was seen as an “ungodly” woman and I was encouraged to let men lead. One of the boys in the youth group said to me, “You’re very pretty and I wanted to date you when we first met. But then I found out you had opinions and I changed my mind.” Click.
In college, I was a political science major put took a women’s studies class as an elective. Immediately, I fell in love reading feminist theory or blogs from www.feministing.com. I fell in love with the words of bell hooks and laughed with Jessica Valenti. I was at home. After changing my major, I went through some old papers and found a paper I wrote my senior year of high school where I described wanting to take women’s studies classes. I forgot my own high school dreams of feminism. I lost myself a little but now I was back on track with my passion. It was a moment that Mother God/the Universe whispered, “This is the right path. You’re exactly where you need to be.” Click.
Many of my fellow feminist friends describe the moment they cut their hair from long to short as the moment they felt more of “themselves”. For me, it was the opposite. I always had short hair or shoulder length hair. I hid under short hair. Secretly, I admired the other girls around me with long hair that flowed freely and set them apart from a crowd. I never grew it out though, because I didn’t feel like a “long haired” girl. Long hair represented everything I wanted, independence, freedom, passion, and a purposeful path. A joyous life, if you will. A couple years ago, I cut my hair really short after letting it grow out a bit. As soon as I cut it, I wondered what I was doing. I didn’t want short hair so why was I cutting it short? Ever since then, I haven’t done anything besides a trim (besides the one shoulder length break up hair cut) and I have never felt better. I feel more…me. It’s awesome! Maybe one day I’ll want it short but either way, I’ll do what I want with my hair because it’s my hair. It’s a symbol of my embracing of the real me. It’s a symbol for love of my authentic self (even if it is “ungodly”). Click.
Soon after deciding I didn’t want to get married (I watched too many friends go crazy during their own wedding plans), I entered a relationship with an awesome feminist man. At first, this relationship was wonderful and I was really proud of how feminist I was being in every aspect of my life. Even though we would never get married, I saw myself slowly getting caught up in what other people thought about our relationship. I was constantly wondering if my friends approved of us or if they thought we were “feminist” enough. Soon, all I talked about was my relationship until my own actions contributed to the inevitable break up. It was horrible. Months afterward, when I began to heal, I suddenly realized that any relationship can be heteronormative (even two feminist people). Any relationship can fall into this trap whether you wan to get married or not. What matters is love. I was still self conscious of my own feminism and that translated into my partnership. I was so worried about being liked and admired and I forgo about what I thought of me. The most important relationship is the one with me or else all others will surely fail. Click.
After years of silence, I finally started talking about my sexual assault. I met other women who identified as “survivor”. I joined a group where we believe that part of healing is activist work within the community and together we hold events where women and men can speak out against sexual assault and intimate partner violence. I found my voice and my spirit. I found other women. Click.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Love and Marriage
I'm back! Actually, I started a new job and in the midst of the craziness that is my work schedule, I abandoned you. However, I've been doing some marriage research and this is what I've found.
There is a lot of patriarchy that comes with marriage. You can try to get rid of some but due to our wonderful government (talking to you Boehner) and legalities, patriarchy comes with it through bank statements, house loans, etc.
Engagement rings are essentially down payment rings. This trend was started after men started wearing wedding rings (used to only be women who wore wedding rings) and remain status symbols and cause women to have bridezilla moments on television networks TLC and Oxygen (kidding...sort of).
This is a right that not all people have.
So, I talked to my friends who are married, getting married, want to get married, want to get married but can't, etc. and the number one reason for wanting to get married was...love. Awwwwwwwww!
I actually loved this answer. I love love. After I prodded further though (I was so unbelievably annoying during this process) people started telling me, "We already live together" or "My mom will kill me if I don't get married soon", and even, "It's a lot cheaper in the long run". Some couples were gay, straight, bisexual, eternally living in sin, married, undecided, the list goes on and on.
The number one lesson I thought I would learn was, "Why don't I want this?" The number one lesson I actually learned was, "Every couple is unique and has to do what works for them." Seriously, guys! I learned a Barney lesson from my marriage research. Every woman or man I spoke to eventually mentioned that for them it was right so they went about it in a different way. My Shero Jessica Valenti was married last year and she publicly spoke about her feminist ceremony, no enagagement ring, and marriage discussion rather than proposal. I have a great friend who was proposed to at a Coldplay concert which was really special for she and her husband. It's all different and there's no one "right" way. So, I would like to leave this door of exploration and research open (you guys totally get more blog posts), but I think I'll be moving forward with a different goal in mind. What works for other people? What works for me right now? Tomorrow? In five minites? In fifty years? And every post will end by recognizing that as long as the couple loves themselves and each other, then that's okay.
So, for me an enagagement wouldn't work and we should discuss the history with each other. We should definitely challenege ourselves and each other. But if a friend loves hers because for her it means something else, then I'm happy for her. However, if she walks around with a tiara screaming, "This is MY day," I may rescue her by sliding it off her finger (kidding...sort of).
There is a lot of patriarchy that comes with marriage. You can try to get rid of some but due to our wonderful government (talking to you Boehner) and legalities, patriarchy comes with it through bank statements, house loans, etc.
Engagement rings are essentially down payment rings. This trend was started after men started wearing wedding rings (used to only be women who wore wedding rings) and remain status symbols and cause women to have bridezilla moments on television networks TLC and Oxygen (kidding...sort of).
This is a right that not all people have.
So, I talked to my friends who are married, getting married, want to get married, want to get married but can't, etc. and the number one reason for wanting to get married was...love. Awwwwwwwww!
I actually loved this answer. I love love. After I prodded further though (I was so unbelievably annoying during this process) people started telling me, "We already live together" or "My mom will kill me if I don't get married soon", and even, "It's a lot cheaper in the long run". Some couples were gay, straight, bisexual, eternally living in sin, married, undecided, the list goes on and on.
The number one lesson I thought I would learn was, "Why don't I want this?" The number one lesson I actually learned was, "Every couple is unique and has to do what works for them." Seriously, guys! I learned a Barney lesson from my marriage research. Every woman or man I spoke to eventually mentioned that for them it was right so they went about it in a different way. My Shero Jessica Valenti was married last year and she publicly spoke about her feminist ceremony, no enagagement ring, and marriage discussion rather than proposal. I have a great friend who was proposed to at a Coldplay concert which was really special for she and her husband. It's all different and there's no one "right" way. So, I would like to leave this door of exploration and research open (you guys totally get more blog posts), but I think I'll be moving forward with a different goal in mind. What works for other people? What works for me right now? Tomorrow? In five minites? In fifty years? And every post will end by recognizing that as long as the couple loves themselves and each other, then that's okay.
So, for me an enagagement wouldn't work and we should discuss the history with each other. We should definitely challenege ourselves and each other. But if a friend loves hers because for her it means something else, then I'm happy for her. However, if she walks around with a tiara screaming, "This is MY day," I may rescue her by sliding it off her finger (kidding...sort of).
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The Black Swan; Super Gross, Super Feminist!
Last week, I saw The Black Swan with a friend. I was excited to see it due to all the hype, but I didn't do any research going in to this experience. Boy, was that a mistake! Great film, great metaphor! Nasty, nasty to watch!
Why so feminist? Natalie Portman plays a ballerina in NYC named "Nina". Nina is super sweet and always wear white and pink. She's really good but not "bad ass" enough for some of the darker roles. While casting for Swan Lake, her boss tells her that she's the perfect white swan (virginal, nice twin, etc.), but not the black swan (slutty boyfriend snatcher twin). Sound familiar? Hello, which "Mary" are you???? What's a ballerina to do?
Actually, Nina struggles with this same issue at home. Her crazy mother desperately wants Nina to stay a little girl, sweet, and a virgin (there is a super disturbing scene where Nina masturbates only to see her mother asleep in a chair next to her bed). Nina doesn't want that but she loves her weirdo momma. Her boss also sexually harrasses her and wants to sleep with her. She doesn't seem to want that either. Is there no middle ground?
What does Nina do? She mutilates herself literally. She literally scratches, peels, and cuts off her own skin! Super nasty to watch but also awesome. I say awesome because in a world where women and girls are pressured, abused, and told be skinnier, happier, whiter, etc., it's an awesome replication of real life. Nina tears at her own skin because of all this extreme pressure. What better example than through a ballerina who has extreme demands for body type? I thought it was genius!
I won't explain the end but I will say that Nina drives herself so fiercely to perfection that some bad shit happens. At first I felt it was too violent but afterward I thought about how many stories we hear about women and girls physically and emotionally hurting ourselves that go unnoticed! To see it on film like that really brought the message home.
I loved this film but I definitely had to look away at times. I think if we really looked at the damage being done to women and girls on a big screen like that, we'd all be forced to acknowledge it. So easily we move on or down play abuse of women. Street harassment is not only ignored but EXPECTED!
Overall, I loved this movie. Now let's do something about it!
Why so feminist? Natalie Portman plays a ballerina in NYC named "Nina". Nina is super sweet and always wear white and pink. She's really good but not "bad ass" enough for some of the darker roles. While casting for Swan Lake, her boss tells her that she's the perfect white swan (virginal, nice twin, etc.), but not the black swan (slutty boyfriend snatcher twin). Sound familiar? Hello, which "Mary" are you???? What's a ballerina to do?
Actually, Nina struggles with this same issue at home. Her crazy mother desperately wants Nina to stay a little girl, sweet, and a virgin (there is a super disturbing scene where Nina masturbates only to see her mother asleep in a chair next to her bed). Nina doesn't want that but she loves her weirdo momma. Her boss also sexually harrasses her and wants to sleep with her. She doesn't seem to want that either. Is there no middle ground?
What does Nina do? She mutilates herself literally. She literally scratches, peels, and cuts off her own skin! Super nasty to watch but also awesome. I say awesome because in a world where women and girls are pressured, abused, and told be skinnier, happier, whiter, etc., it's an awesome replication of real life. Nina tears at her own skin because of all this extreme pressure. What better example than through a ballerina who has extreme demands for body type? I thought it was genius!
I won't explain the end but I will say that Nina drives herself so fiercely to perfection that some bad shit happens. At first I felt it was too violent but afterward I thought about how many stories we hear about women and girls physically and emotionally hurting ourselves that go unnoticed! To see it on film like that really brought the message home.
I loved this film but I definitely had to look away at times. I think if we really looked at the damage being done to women and girls on a big screen like that, we'd all be forced to acknowledge it. So easily we move on or down play abuse of women. Street harassment is not only ignored but EXPECTED!
Overall, I loved this movie. Now let's do something about it!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Marriage...and Me
Is it just me or is everyone getting married these days? If it's not a celebrity then it's one of MY friends (too weird for me to handle). Adding to this marriage craziness is the gay marriage debate or couples choosing more and more to skip the religious nuptuals and just plain live in sin (hotness).
As political and historical marriage is, it's also EXTREMELY personal! For me, it's hard to watch weddings knowing that not all my friends can legally get married. On the other hand, I know couples who are legally married but live in separate homes (sign me up). So amidst all my confusion, I would like to really get personal and dig into this issue (yeah, I Miss is-it-an-open-bar-wedding feminist Christian).
For however long this takes me (eeek!), I'd like to answer my own questions about the issue (as well as some of yours). I really want to look at this issue in a different way. And while I promise to proceed with care and thoughtfulness, I will still keep my bad ass wit in every blog post. Don't worry, I'm not going to forget about the outside world during my research and soul searching (i.e. I will still call out douche bag behavior).
This personal project does really mean a lot to me though. So please feel free to send suggestions, personal stories, questions, etc. And buckle up, followers! It's going to be a bumpy ride!
As political and historical marriage is, it's also EXTREMELY personal! For me, it's hard to watch weddings knowing that not all my friends can legally get married. On the other hand, I know couples who are legally married but live in separate homes (sign me up). So amidst all my confusion, I would like to really get personal and dig into this issue (yeah, I Miss is-it-an-open-bar-wedding feminist Christian).
For however long this takes me (eeek!), I'd like to answer my own questions about the issue (as well as some of yours). I really want to look at this issue in a different way. And while I promise to proceed with care and thoughtfulness, I will still keep my bad ass wit in every blog post. Don't worry, I'm not going to forget about the outside world during my research and soul searching (i.e. I will still call out douche bag behavior).
This personal project does really mean a lot to me though. So please feel free to send suggestions, personal stories, questions, etc. And buckle up, followers! It's going to be a bumpy ride!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Patriarchy and Hierarchy in The Jersey Shore
In honor of the new season, I spent an entire two days watching the "Miami" season of this popular MTV show (the things I do for you). Personally, I found the show to be addictive, humorous, and frustrating. I admit that I did enjoy watching the show, but I did not enjoy the show. In our society of work, work, work, and immediate entertainment, it is pretty obvious why this show "works". For an hour, I didn't have to think about gender violence, homework, fitting everything into my schedule, or my to do list. In fact, I didn't have to think at all.
These "non-thinking" shows are quite popular and it's not hard to see why. We all want to take a break from our crazy lives in the form that a society dependant on technology has embraced. Ahhh, the genius of television! However, while watching this brainless television marathon, my feminism did not turn off. Readers, you're in for a treat!
The Jersey Shore consists of four young men and four young women. If we acknowledge the Guido characiture and move on, we see an actual family develop. The four women all enjoy dressing up in self proclaimed "hooker" clothing. They all wear make up and constantly fix their hair. What is so interesting, is the solidarity. The first season, the three main women (Angelina left the show early on) Snooki, Sammi, and Jwow, did everything together and formed a tight bond that few men could break. However, during the Miami season (season two), the girls ended this bond after Sammi's boyfriend cheated on her. Snooki and Jwow wrote an anonymous note telling her, causing all chaos. Alas, the conflict ended with Sammi and Jwow phyisically fighting. This makes the new focus on the women's fighting with each other.
All the women hold their own but Jwow is the "leader". In the show's intro, her quote is, "After I have sex with a guy, I rip his head off" clearly referencing the female praying mantis. Jwow voraciously defends the other women no matter what the consequences. She also appears to have a healthier relationship with her boyfriend in season two. Jwow is the feminist of the show. Politically, I have no idea where she stands, but compared to the other characters, she is more concerned with her female friendships and refuses to be treated as "less than". While Snooki and Sammi are tough, confident women in their own right, Jwow takes the cake.
However, despite this effort of female solidarity, the men hold the traditional patriarch in the family. Mike (The Situation) admits to being the "leader" or "father" of the eight. He decides when the gang leaves a club or restaurant. He cooks Sunday dinners for everyone and claims he is the "glue" of the family. The other men Pauly D, Vinny, and Ronnie, follow this lead. Together, they ridicule Angelina (who in season two leaves again) for her sexual encounters with multiple men. Admittedly they claim, "Girls don't do that". Even Ronnie who brags about cheating on Sammi (with no consequences) joins in the punishment of Angelina who does not adhere to this double standard. Jwow (who has a steady boyfriend) follows the lead and expresses that while this rule is a double standard, she agrees with the guys.
The men are the stars of the show. Their friendship is never broken as they support each other in "hook ups" and physical fitness. While the women fought season two, the men sang "Tee Shirt Time", (a running joke on the show) and generally had a good time. Despite Jwow's bad ass self, the men still maintain the patriarchal hierarchy in the house.
In conclusion, I cannot defend watching this show, but can use it as a basis for deconstructing patriarchy within households acting as mock families. Pretty cool for non-thinking television!
These "non-thinking" shows are quite popular and it's not hard to see why. We all want to take a break from our crazy lives in the form that a society dependant on technology has embraced. Ahhh, the genius of television! However, while watching this brainless television marathon, my feminism did not turn off. Readers, you're in for a treat!
The Jersey Shore consists of four young men and four young women. If we acknowledge the Guido characiture and move on, we see an actual family develop. The four women all enjoy dressing up in self proclaimed "hooker" clothing. They all wear make up and constantly fix their hair. What is so interesting, is the solidarity. The first season, the three main women (Angelina left the show early on) Snooki, Sammi, and Jwow, did everything together and formed a tight bond that few men could break. However, during the Miami season (season two), the girls ended this bond after Sammi's boyfriend cheated on her. Snooki and Jwow wrote an anonymous note telling her, causing all chaos. Alas, the conflict ended with Sammi and Jwow phyisically fighting. This makes the new focus on the women's fighting with each other.
All the women hold their own but Jwow is the "leader". In the show's intro, her quote is, "After I have sex with a guy, I rip his head off" clearly referencing the female praying mantis. Jwow voraciously defends the other women no matter what the consequences. She also appears to have a healthier relationship with her boyfriend in season two. Jwow is the feminist of the show. Politically, I have no idea where she stands, but compared to the other characters, she is more concerned with her female friendships and refuses to be treated as "less than". While Snooki and Sammi are tough, confident women in their own right, Jwow takes the cake.
However, despite this effort of female solidarity, the men hold the traditional patriarch in the family. Mike (The Situation) admits to being the "leader" or "father" of the eight. He decides when the gang leaves a club or restaurant. He cooks Sunday dinners for everyone and claims he is the "glue" of the family. The other men Pauly D, Vinny, and Ronnie, follow this lead. Together, they ridicule Angelina (who in season two leaves again) for her sexual encounters with multiple men. Admittedly they claim, "Girls don't do that". Even Ronnie who brags about cheating on Sammi (with no consequences) joins in the punishment of Angelina who does not adhere to this double standard. Jwow (who has a steady boyfriend) follows the lead and expresses that while this rule is a double standard, she agrees with the guys.
The men are the stars of the show. Their friendship is never broken as they support each other in "hook ups" and physical fitness. While the women fought season two, the men sang "Tee Shirt Time", (a running joke on the show) and generally had a good time. Despite Jwow's bad ass self, the men still maintain the patriarchal hierarchy in the house.
In conclusion, I cannot defend watching this show, but can use it as a basis for deconstructing patriarchy within households acting as mock families. Pretty cool for non-thinking television!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Body Image
I really hate the attacks on women and girls for our bodies. In the recent 10 years, I feel as if body image has gotten even crazier though! Nine year olds are dieting and sweatpants everywhere express the "juiciness" of our asses. Am I really living in a world where some of the MOST brilliant women aren't taken seriously because they're not drop dead gorgeous? But wait, if they are drop dead gorgeous, then they aren't taken seriously because they're too good looking! With me so far? Good, me either.
Do I think men have examples of negative body image in the media? Yes. Do they feel pressure? Sure. But it's not at the same level as women (not yet anyway). I'm actually terrified to have a daughter one day (no, not the birth part) because I don't know how to raise a completely healthy girl in this world. Even I the quintessential bad ass worries about her not so flat tummy at times (okay, more than at times).
I started getting really pissed off with myself and all the reasons I feel this way. And that's why for New Year's, a time where we're all told we need to diet, I am making a feminist resolution to truly love my body. I'm doing it for the future (verrrrrry future) daughter who might ask me one day if I love my body just the way it is. I'm doing it for my friends who I have watched first hand battle eating disorders. I'm doing it for the girls in the youth group who are beautiful inside and out. I'm doing it to combat the media and bullshit double standards that actually KILL women and girls. But most importantly, I'm doing it for me. I cannot afford to spend one more minute staring at my body or feeling self conscious. I don't know if you know, but ass kicking and world changing require my full attention!
So, my request for women everywhere is to join in my resolution of positive only comments about our bodies. And men? Please don't say nasty comments about women's bodies this year ("sweet ass" is a nasty comment too, douche bag).
If you're struggling with body image, Full Frontal Feminism is always a good book to awaken the goddess within!
Do I think men have examples of negative body image in the media? Yes. Do they feel pressure? Sure. But it's not at the same level as women (not yet anyway). I'm actually terrified to have a daughter one day (no, not the birth part) because I don't know how to raise a completely healthy girl in this world. Even I the quintessential bad ass worries about her not so flat tummy at times (okay, more than at times).
I started getting really pissed off with myself and all the reasons I feel this way. And that's why for New Year's, a time where we're all told we need to diet, I am making a feminist resolution to truly love my body. I'm doing it for the future (verrrrrry future) daughter who might ask me one day if I love my body just the way it is. I'm doing it for my friends who I have watched first hand battle eating disorders. I'm doing it for the girls in the youth group who are beautiful inside and out. I'm doing it to combat the media and bullshit double standards that actually KILL women and girls. But most importantly, I'm doing it for me. I cannot afford to spend one more minute staring at my body or feeling self conscious. I don't know if you know, but ass kicking and world changing require my full attention!
So, my request for women everywhere is to join in my resolution of positive only comments about our bodies. And men? Please don't say nasty comments about women's bodies this year ("sweet ass" is a nasty comment too, douche bag).
If you're struggling with body image, Full Frontal Feminism is always a good book to awaken the goddess within!
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year
It's a new year! Yay! I must admit that I feel Valentine's Day is bullshit and the Christmas season better than the actual Christmas Day. However, I love love love New Year's Eve. This most recent New Year's was a great one for many reasons. Let's look back at this shall we?
DADT was passed, friends of mine married, divorced, graduated, had babies, and kicked ass. Julian Assange is a hero to some, douche bag to others, and even a terrorist to a select few. It's been a big year.
So, what have I learned this past year?
1. It's crazy awesome to make douche bags in class look like total jerks with your insane brain!
2. It is not crazy awesome when douche bags interfere with an event trying to end domestic volence...
3. Tyler Perry always manages to promote stereotypes as he breaks down others...
4. I have THE best friends in the world
5. Rape is still incredibly misunderstood
6. Freedom is a really weird novel
7. Jersey Shore is horrifyingly addictive
8. I need to use my glasses more
9. Walk through the uncertainty to find peace (it's the ONLY way)
10. All pain is the same (I learned this after losing my dog)
11. Sometimes we need to let go (of the past and old friendships or old versions of ourselves)
12. Telling people how much they mean or have meant to you is always a good idea
13. Watching Oprah always helps
14. Being intentional is the best personality trait someone can have
15. Stretching my mind is when I feel the best
16. Life is unpredictable and that's okay
17. Everyone has a story worth hearing (Except Bill O'Reilly)
18. There's nothing quite like watching old movies for two days straight
19. I'm never alone (not in a stalker way)
20. When I drink, I am not a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, even though I may think I am at the time (there are pictures from a wedding to prove this)
21. Weddings aren't so bad (if I'm not the one walking down the aisle)
Here's to 2011 when I hope to see gay marriage legalized, my graduation, and all sorts of ass kicking. My New Year's resolution is to never say one negative thing about my body this year (I am horrified that I allowed myself to do so EVER). Anyone else? Anything you all learned?
DADT was passed, friends of mine married, divorced, graduated, had babies, and kicked ass. Julian Assange is a hero to some, douche bag to others, and even a terrorist to a select few. It's been a big year.
So, what have I learned this past year?
1. It's crazy awesome to make douche bags in class look like total jerks with your insane brain!
2. It is not crazy awesome when douche bags interfere with an event trying to end domestic volence...
3. Tyler Perry always manages to promote stereotypes as he breaks down others...
4. I have THE best friends in the world
5. Rape is still incredibly misunderstood
6. Freedom is a really weird novel
7. Jersey Shore is horrifyingly addictive
8. I need to use my glasses more
9. Walk through the uncertainty to find peace (it's the ONLY way)
10. All pain is the same (I learned this after losing my dog)
11. Sometimes we need to let go (of the past and old friendships or old versions of ourselves)
12. Telling people how much they mean or have meant to you is always a good idea
13. Watching Oprah always helps
14. Being intentional is the best personality trait someone can have
15. Stretching my mind is when I feel the best
16. Life is unpredictable and that's okay
17. Everyone has a story worth hearing (Except Bill O'Reilly)
18. There's nothing quite like watching old movies for two days straight
19. I'm never alone (not in a stalker way)
20. When I drink, I am not a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, even though I may think I am at the time (there are pictures from a wedding to prove this)
21. Weddings aren't so bad (if I'm not the one walking down the aisle)
Here's to 2011 when I hope to see gay marriage legalized, my graduation, and all sorts of ass kicking. My New Year's resolution is to never say one negative thing about my body this year (I am horrified that I allowed myself to do so EVER). Anyone else? Anything you all learned?
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