Love and Marriage

I'm back! Actually, I started a new job and in the midst of the craziness that is my work schedule, I abandoned you. However, I've been doing some marriage research and this is what I've found.

There is a lot of patriarchy that comes with marriage. You can try to get rid of some but due to our wonderful government (talking to you Boehner) and legalities, patriarchy comes with it through bank statements, house loans, etc.

Engagement rings are essentially down payment rings. This trend was started after men started wearing wedding rings (used to only be women who wore wedding rings) and remain status symbols and cause women to have bridezilla moments on television networks TLC and Oxygen (kidding...sort of).

This is a right that not all people have.

So, I talked to my friends who are married, getting married, want to get married, want to get married but can't, etc. and the number one reason for wanting to get married was...love. Awwwwwwwww!

I actually loved this answer. I love love. After I prodded further though (I was so unbelievably annoying during this process) people started telling me, "We already live together" or "My mom will kill me if I don't get married soon", and even, "It's a lot cheaper in the long run". Some couples were gay, straight, bisexual, eternally living in sin, married, undecided, the list goes on and on.

The number one lesson I thought I would learn was, "Why don't I want this?" The number one lesson I actually learned was, "Every couple is unique and has to do what works for them." Seriously, guys! I learned a Barney lesson from my marriage research. Every woman or man I spoke to eventually mentioned that for them it was right so they went about it in a different way. My Shero Jessica Valenti was married last year and she publicly spoke about her feminist ceremony, no enagagement ring, and marriage discussion rather than proposal. I have a great friend who was proposed to at a Coldplay concert which was really special for she and her husband. It's all different and there's no one "right" way. So, I would like to leave this door of exploration and research open (you guys totally get more blog posts), but I think I'll be moving forward with a different goal in mind. What works for other people? What works for me right now? Tomorrow? In five minites? In fifty years? And every post will end by recognizing that as long as the couple loves themselves and each other, then that's okay.

So, for me an enagagement wouldn't work and we should discuss the history with each other. We should definitely challenege ourselves and each other. But if a friend loves hers because for her it means something else, then I'm happy for her. However, if she walks around with a tiara screaming, "This is MY day," I may rescue her by sliding it off her finger (kidding...sort of).