"Click"

Over Spring Break, I read a book I’ve wanted to read for quite some time called Click. The book is a collection of writing by different feminists (of diverse backgrounds) who describe the moment/s that feminism “clicked” for them. Oprah says “Aha! Moment”, others describe it as the stars aligning or when something feels right all of a sudden. “Click” moments are used a lot in feminist discourse and are the basis of some of my favorite reads such as The Purity Myth, The Beauty Myth, etc. It’s really cool stuff! After taking some much needed R&R and reading Click, I thought I’d blog about some of my own similar moments! And if anyone else wants to share her/his click moment/s for feminism, feel free!
Growing up, my parents raised me to believe I could do anything I was passionate about. Not once did they say, “Girls do this, boys do that”. In fact, the feminists that they are said quite the opposite. I grew up in the church learning about all religions and cultures. Life was pretty good for me until I began to realize that other Christians didn’t feel the way my family did. I remember sitting in Sunday school in the sixth grade and listening to a huge jerk named Joshua Harris (look him up because he is crazy), author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, say on camera that if you kiss a boy or girl before marriage that you are living a life that will lead to hell. No joke. I tried to talk to the woman leading the class but she said, “Maybe you don’t agree with what he said because you feel guilty and know he’s right.” Click. At twelve, I didn’t know exactly why, but I knew that was not okay.
In high school, my family moved and I attended a new youth group. I quickly made friends with the girls but jealousies and crushes on boys tore our friendships apart. Suddenly, my opinionated self was seen as an “ungodly” woman and I was encouraged to let men lead. One of the boys in the youth group said to me, “You’re very pretty and I wanted to date you when we first met. But then I found out you had opinions and I changed my mind.” Click.
In college, I was a political science major put took a women’s studies class as an elective. Immediately, I fell in love reading feminist theory or blogs from www.feministing.com. I fell in love with the words of bell hooks and laughed with Jessica Valenti. I was at home. After changing my major, I went through some old papers and found a paper I wrote my senior year of high school where I described wanting to take women’s studies classes. I forgot my own high school dreams of feminism. I lost myself a little but now I was back on track with my passion. It was a moment that Mother God/the Universe whispered, “This is the right path. You’re exactly where you need to be.” Click.
Many of my fellow feminist friends describe the moment they cut their hair from long to short as the moment they felt more of “themselves”. For me, it was the opposite. I always had short hair or shoulder length hair. I hid under short hair. Secretly, I admired the other girls around me with long hair that flowed freely and set them apart from a crowd. I never grew it out though, because I didn’t feel like a “long haired” girl. Long hair represented everything I wanted, independence, freedom, passion, and a purposeful path. A joyous life, if you will. A couple years ago, I cut my hair really short after letting it grow out a bit. As soon as I cut it, I wondered what I was doing. I didn’t want short hair so why was I cutting it short? Ever since then, I haven’t done anything besides a trim (besides the one shoulder length break up hair cut) and I have never felt better. I feel more…me. It’s awesome! Maybe one day I’ll want it short but either way, I’ll do what I want with my hair because it’s my hair. It’s a symbol of my embracing of the real me. It’s a symbol for love of my authentic self (even if it is “ungodly”). Click.
Soon after deciding I didn’t want to get married (I watched too many friends go crazy during their own wedding plans), I entered a relationship with an awesome feminist man. At first, this relationship was wonderful and I was really proud of how feminist I was being in every aspect of my life. Even though we would never get married, I saw myself slowly getting caught up in what other people thought about our relationship. I was constantly wondering if my friends approved of us or if they thought we were “feminist” enough. Soon, all I talked about was my relationship until my own actions contributed to the inevitable break up. It was horrible. Months afterward, when I began to heal, I suddenly realized that any relationship can be heteronormative (even two feminist people). Any relationship can fall into this trap whether you wan to get married or not. What matters is love. I was still self conscious of my own feminism and that translated into my partnership. I was so worried about being liked and admired and I forgo about what I thought of me. The most important relationship is the one with me or else all others will surely fail. Click.
After years of silence, I finally started talking about my sexual assault. I met other women who identified as “survivor”. I joined a group where we believe that part of healing is activist work within the community and together we hold events where women and men can speak out against sexual assault and intimate partner violence. I found my voice and my spirit. I found other women. Click.