"Give him a hug!"

One thing my church upbringing gave me, was a front row seat to little girls dressed in frilly dresses as their parents forced them to give hugs. I never liked the fact that a greeting for a little girl is a forced hug for whomever and whenever. It's the first lesson in, "Don't trust your instincts, hug everyone because it's polite!" If said little girl looked hesitant or refused she was told, "Don't be rude" or "It's polite". I call bullshit.
Do we really wonder why these little girls grow up to women who question and doubt their own instincts. When sexual assault occurs, other women and men constantly question why she didn't run or scream, or get off the elevator, etc. Duh! Because when she was five, her parents told it was rude or would hurt a man's feelings if she didn't hug them.
I always felt this ritual was creepy but didn't make the connection until I was sitting in a class that an awesome group called Michael's House gave (they work with abused children in the Dayton area) and they talked about this same creepy issue. Teaching any child that when an adult asks for a hug or anything a child doesn't want to give, you give it, is crazy! Then you turn around and tell them, "But if someone makes you do something you don't want to do, come find Mommy or Daddy." Hello? Mommy and Daddy just made me hug someone I didn't want to! Contradiction much?
For the record: I never remember my parents making me do this and this creepy ritual isn't strictly happening in churches but it definitely happens in any group gathering. That often means it happens when it's coffee (not the good kind) time at church.
I'm not a parent and I don't blame parents (it's a long tradition to force kids to give hugs) but when you know better, you do better. How about your child saying hello? Or a handshake? Do you really have to force your scared child to give a hug? No. I've been a nanny for tons of little kids and after Michael's House training I used what they recommended. "Do you have an hugs to give today?" No, you don't? Then FINE! You're teaching your child that they don't have to hug if they don't want to.
I once attended a church where a man who made me really uncomfortable forced me to hug him every Sunday. It got to the point where my friends and I would either conveniently go to the bathroom during the greeting time or we forced ourselves into a horrible hug. Then one day I just said, "How about a handshake?" The angels sung and the clouds parted. I always had this power but never felt comfortable using it in this setting. What the hell (literally because we were in church).
So, if your child has a hug to give...awesome! Hug away! But, if she looks terrified or just plain doesn't want to...let her exercise the power and give a good old fashioned, "hello". Don't make her wait until she's 22 before she finally gets the ovaries to ask for a handshake instead.