Dating

Sorry for the lack of posts followers, someone should really explain to others that starting your dream job, planning a wedding, and moving should all be separate activities. Don't do all these things at once, kids. But recently my impending wedding and working with teens has got me thinking about dating. Let's dive in shall we? When I was in high school, various adults in my life (not my parents) would say over and over how teens shouldn't date. Some were more into "courtship" (the definition of which is always super creepy and sexist) and had conservative reasons for not dating as a teen (i.e. dating is only for getting married) and some just felt like teens should enjoy being teens and not worry about dating or marriage. Okay, fine, and I always felt like some people were just being judgmental and wanting to "throw their age around" so to speak. As a result, all these mixed messages just confused me greatly on how to view dating and being young. I wasn't supposed to be thinking of marriage but at the same time I was supposed to be not dating because of my future husband. But by not dating I would never meet my future husband or learn how to have dinner with a man so I would never be able to date said future husband. Oh, wait...I wasn't supposed to be thinking of my future husband. See my point? Dating in high school for me had fun and innocent moments like holding hands for the first time or eating too much candy in a movie together. It also had dramatic moments and fighting or arguing just because we were teenagers and were very dramatic individuals. I learned how to recognize verbal abuse from a boyfriend and how to end that relationship. I also made mistakes like being dramatic during a break up or jumping into a relationship immediately after a break up. Some of my experiences were fun and some were most definitely not but they were all MY experiences. I learned a lot and as an adult who's now engaged I don't regret holding hands or having a first kiss with someone other than my future husband (he doesn't care either). My soul is not in eternal danger because I didn't "court" rather than date (seriously, even the word alone is creepy). The only regret I do have is listening to all the mixed messages at that age. Those mixed messages carried into my early twenties and were no less confusing. You see, everyone was concerned about me in relation to my future husband. No one really seemed to care about ME and MY dreams. I'm a lot more than my dating history and I consider those memories to be humorous stories at dinners with friends or learning experiences for my current relationship. I also hope that if I ever have a daughter one day that these experiences will remind me not to judge her when she goes through a horrible break up at sixteen. I don't ever want to say, "In ten years you'll have ten more break ups under your belt" but rather "I know, it feels like your heart is going to explode." Dating in my teen years taught me a lot about heartache and fun but it was so confusing to navigate with everyone constantly talking about my future husband (except my mom, she told me if I was engaged before college she would send me away). I wish the other adults in my life would have understood that dating is normal and I wasn't going to hell if I held hands or kissed a teenage boy (I'd say "or girl" but in youth group that wasn't really discussed as an option...shocking). Dating really turned around in my college life though. Around 20, I decided marriage didn't seem like my thing and then I just dated around. And do you know what? I had the best time! I saw some great movies and had some great laughs. I went on a blind date and got into a screaming match about politics at Applebees (awesome) and I had some great conversations with some great people. Sometimes when my friends say, "there are no more good guys/girls left" I think you're right...nut ONLY if you're strictly looking for "the one" or your "soulmate". That sounds like a disappointing process. But if you're just looking for a meal or some conversation, dating becomes low pressure and...FUN! Can you believe it? All those romantic comedies are lying about how torturous dating is! Meeting people and trying new things (like sushi or rock climbing) are FUN! Even my screaming match was a little fun...well, much after the fact. I had some long relationships and some random dates but it all was great. And whenever I was single and desiring my soulmate it got less fun. Sure, once or twice I got my heart broken but I also broke some hearts of my own and I learned how to handle rejection well (eventually) and how to let down others well (again, eventually). Okay, and along the way I did decide to get married but only after meeting a guy where I realized I actually wanted the type of marriage we would have together (equal and tons of laughter...oh, and good food). My future is not my soul mate, if I lived in California it would be someone else or maybe no one at all. But he is a great man who is incredible and sweet (awwwwww). And maybe your story will end with you not getting married (or maybe legally you'll be able to soon) or you'll live together for many many many years. Either way, it's your story and your life. Just remember that your dating life isn't your life at all. It's a part of your life that will sometimes be awesome and sometimes not. You're in charge of your dating life, not fate and you can decide what's fun and what's not. So meet some people or even "court" as long it's your decision for you and you alone. And along the way I'm sure you'll make great new friends, maybe a husband, wife, or partner, and even eat some great food. Now I'm starving. Great.