As those of you who really care about my life details may know, I recently got married. 2 months ago to be exact. It was pretty much the best day of my life ever (besides when I bought my first Michael Kors or my first Women’s Studies class) and I can’t imagine a better wedding day. I’ve learned a lot about marriage in my years of living in sin/2 whole months of official legalities. For instance, treat your spouse how you would want to be treated, Wii Bowling games can get ugly, and date nights are super awesome with wedding rings. This blog post isn’t about how I’m an old married lady and have soooo much wisdom after 2 months though. I know, I know, you want my awesome in your face newlywed advice but please, let’s save that for another time.
This blog post is on what I’ve learned about gay marriage by actually getting married. Cue the clicking out of this browser and freaking out that this crazy Christian is still talking about The Church and gay marriage…Whew! That was a mouthful. I’m not going to preach at how awful and homophobic Christians are (although be honest, we certainly can be), just take a minute and hear what I have to say. I won’t change minds today and if you already agree with me you’ll just agree with everything I’m saying anyway, but hear me out because this blog post may just make you think.
I have always been for gay marriage. I’m pretty liberal and hang out with liberal people and it just plain makes sense. It’s a right that all people should have and frankly, gay marriage isn’t a risk to the sanctity of marriage, straight people are. Before I got engaged, I thought that not getting married would be the best way to stand up for gay marriage. If not everyone can get married, then why should I? It’s one form of activism and I still support people for doing it but I hadn’t really wanted to get married…and then I did. That’s when I stopped thinking in terms of legality and more emotionally. Marriage comes with a ton of legal rights that I don’t take lightly. Civil Unions leave out quite a few rights that marriage offers and they’re pretty important. (http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/marriage-compared-to-civil-unions.html) In addition to the legal right, we have the emotional connection of marriage.
You know what’s really cool about marriage? Everything. I get to call my partner my husband and when I do, everyone backs up that title. When I say, “this is my husband,” everyone at a party, our friends, and family would never call our relationship anything other than husband/wife, or marriage. Those words carry a weight and respect that is universally accepted. Even if my family didn’t accept my partner into our family (they do, it’s okay) they would still know that legally he is my husband and no ill will can change that fact because we have a marriage license to prove it. When we went on vacation to another state right after our wedding, our marriage was still recognized. Wherever we go, we are husband and wife and only we can decide if that stops (by the way it won’t). Legally being recognized holds that emotional weight with it. When we went to get our marriage license before the wedding, it didn’t feel “business like”, it felt incredible and loving (also hilarious but the Dolly Parton drag queen incident is for another day).
The point is that when I say “husband” friends, family, society, and our government also has to acknowledge it. It’s a fact and we even saw our marriage officially posted a week after our wedding. We have our marriage license handy for legal purposes but also because we love having it and knowing we shared our commitment in front of our loved ones. It’s pretty awesome knowing we love each other a whole bunch and everybody knows it (including our government). The personal is political. Is the sanctity in marriage really held in us denying the right or in 2 consenting adults who love each other so much that they desperately want the right to marry? I don’t know that minds can be changed on this topic (at least for a while longer). A lot depends on whom we know, how we’re raised, and religious views. I do think hearts can be changed though. And my heart says that more Christians need to come forward.
A lot of things haven’t changed in our relationship since we got hitched. We still binge watch television together like The Sopranos or 24. We still play Wii Bowling with a vengeance and help each other get out of plans we don’t want to keep. But a lot has changed too. All of a sudden we’re in a marriage and we feel closer than ever. Sometimes we feel like the only two people on earth and it’s overwhelmingly special and intimate. If someone told me my marriage wasn’t legal, it would feel like a slap in the face and it would cheapen everything we’ve built together. We would still go on to have our relationship together but I would always want that legal and societal recognition. I really would. I’ll never understand what that’s like and I’m sure over the years I’ll take my right for granted, but at least today I can acknowledge it. I do believe we’re entering a different era and gay marriage will be legal in all states. While these changed happen (a little late if you ask me) we need to open our hearts to tolerance and love as Jesus would. We need to rethink why we’ve been so against things that seem so sacred a family friendly. After all, we’re all just trying to live our best lives while we get so few years on this planet. We’re all just trying to do our best. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an awesome game of Wii Bowling with my awesome husband (who’s also going to lose this game so tragically he’ll look like a Game of Thrones character).
As those of you who really care about my life details may know, I recently got married. 2 months ago to be exact. It was pretty much the best day of my life ever (besides when I bought my first Michael Kors or my first Women’s Studies class) and I can’t imagine a better wedding day. I’ve learned a lot about marriage in my years of living in sin/2 whole months of official legalities. For instance, treat your spouse how you would want to be treated, Wii Bowling games can get ugly, and date nights are super awesome with wedding rings. This blog post isn’t about how I’m an old married lady and have soooo much wisdom after 2 months though. I know, I know, you want my awesome in your face newlywed advice but please, let’s save that for another time.
This blog post is on what I’ve learned about gay marriage by actually getting married. Cue the clicking out of this browser and freaking out that this crazy Christian is still talking about The Church and gay marriage…Whew! That was a mouthful. I’m not going to preach at how awful and homophobic Christians are (although be honest, we certainly can be), just take a minute and hear what I have to say. I won’t change minds today and if you already agree with me you’ll just agree with everything I’m saying anyway, but hear me out because this blog post may just make you think.
I have always been for gay marriage. I’m pretty liberal and hang out with liberal people and it just plain makes sense. It’s a right that all people should have and frankly, gay marriage isn’t a risk to the sanctity of marriage, straight people are. Before I got engaged, I thought that not getting married would be the best way to stand up for gay marriage. If not everyone can get married, then why should I? It’s one form of activism and I still support people for doing it but I hadn’t really wanted to get married…and then I did. That’s when I stopped thinking in terms of legality and more emotionally. Marriage comes with a ton of legal rights that I don’t take lightly. Civil Unions leave out quite a few rights that marriage offers and they’re pretty important. (http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/marriage-compared-to-civil-unions.html) In addition to the legal right, we have the emotional connection of marriage.
You know what’s really cool about marriage? Everything. I get to call my partner my husband and when I do, everyone backs up that title. When I say, “this is my husband,” everyone at a party, our friends, and family would never call our relationship anything other than husband/wife, or marriage. Those words carry a weight and respect that is universally accepted. Even if my family didn’t accept my partner into our family (they do, it’s okay) they would still know that legally he is my husband and no ill will can change that fact because we have a marriage license to prove it. When we went on vacation to another state right after our wedding, our marriage was still recognized. Wherever we go, we are husband and wife and only we can decide if that stops (by the way it won’t). Legally being recognized holds that emotional weight with it. When we went to get our marriage license before the wedding, it didn’t feel “business like”, it felt incredible and loving (also hilarious but the Dolly Parton drag queen incident is for another day).
The point is that when I say “husband” friends, family, society, and our government also has to acknowledge it. It’s a fact and we even saw our marriage officially posted a week after our wedding. We have our marriage license handy for legal purposes but also because we love having it and knowing we shared our commitment in front of our loved ones. It’s pretty awesome knowing we love each other a whole bunch and everybody knows it (including our government). The personal is political. Is the sanctity in marriage really held in us denying the right or in 2 consenting adults who love each other so much that they desperately want the right to marry? I don’t know that minds can be changed on this topic (at least for a while longer). A lot depends on whom we know, how we’re raised, and religious views. I do think hearts can be changed though. And my heart says that more Christians need to come forward.
A lot of things haven’t changed in our relationship since we got hitched. We still binge watch television together like The Sopranos or 24. We still play Wii Bowling with a vengeance and help each other get out of plans we don’t want to keep. But a lot has changed too. All of a sudden we’re in a marriage and we feel closer than ever. Sometimes we feel like the only two people on earth and it’s overwhelmingly special and intimate. If someone told me my marriage wasn’t legal, it would feel like a slap in the face and it would cheapen everything we’ve built together. We would still go on to have our relationship together but I would always want that legal and societal recognition. I really would. I’ll never understand what that’s like and I’m sure over the years I’ll take my right for granted, but at least today I can acknowledge it. I do believe we’re entering a different era and gay marriage will be legal in all states. While these changed happen (a little late if you ask me) we need to open our hearts to tolerance and love as Jesus would. We need to rethink why we’ve been so against things that seem so sacred a family friendly. After all, we’re all just trying to live our best lives while we get so few years on this planet. We’re all just trying to do our best. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an awesome game of Wii Bowling with my awesome husband (who’s also going to lose this game so tragically he’ll look like a Game of Thrones character).
