I'm Getting Married

I'm getting married to a super awesome guy named Aaron. So far, I've received so many congratulations along with some "huh?" responses. Trust me, it's nutso to think I'm getting married. I've never been the little girl dreaming of her wedding (in kindergarten all the girls dressed as brides and I went as a pumpkin). And the older I got, the more unfair it was to think that not everyone can be married (I know it's almost 2012 and we're STILL talking about this) so for me, I didn't want to "legally staple" myself to someone. If not everyone can do it and most women give up autonomy (I LIKE my last name) then why go there?

I also had MANY bad experiences with weddings as I got older. I know women who openly pressured men into proposing (there are societal reasons for this behavior) and went crazy for a diamond ring. I watched families go through unnecessary stress and go through wedding issues that they're steal dealing with. Bridezillas in real life (not the show) are really scary because when your friend acts that way you wonder if you could act that same way too. Weddings became a terrifying experience that revolved around stressed and anger...not really romantic. I had no problem with commitment (still don't) but I figured I could just live in sin and that would be that. problem solved.

Then I fell in love with a wonderful man and enjoyed a beautifully equal and hilarious relationship (we laugh so much more than you and your partner do...kidding...not really). During this time my partner and I discussed marriage many times and both agreed that we didn't want anything traditional. However, these conversations soon turned into my partner expressing his desire to marry for personal reasons and also as a sign of our commitment to each other. We also both love our family and friends so much and wanted a special day for everyone to enjoy and feel love. Together we decided to get married (legally) and to take our engagement and wedding as an occasion for activism. it's so unfair that Aaron and I even have this choice because he was born male and I was born female. We believe all people should have that right. We don't want to pretend that this isn't privilege on our part. it is.

So we're having a wedding that better reflects us with no proposal (instead a joint decision) and no ring (I don't wear diamonds and I don't need my partner to make a down payment on me) and a special day for everyone involved. We want this to be a happy process for everyone (including the man in my bridal party). Some aspects may seem traditional while others may seem crazy and that's just us. We're soooooooo cool! And we want to see everyone able to choose their own wedding or no wedding. Live in sin (sorry, I just love the phrase) or get "legally stapled" no matter who you are or love (even Kim Kardashian).

And most importantly, Aaron and I are more excited about our life together than we are about the wedding. We share a loving, equal, fun, and interesting relationship and I am so happy that we've started our life together. I hope that answers any questions people may or may not have had and I also wish love and happiness to everyone. This process is making me a bit cliche but worse things have happened :)

What We Can Learn from Kim Kardashian

This week, news broke of reality star Kim Kardashian filing for divorce from NBA star Kris Humphries. Their wedding was extremely public and became a 4 hour special on E!. It was titled "Kim's Fairytale Wedding" and followed Kim as she planned her dream wedding. Viewers definitely turned in before learning about the end of the 72 day marriage. After news of the divorce filings broke, twitter and facebook were inundated with anti woman and heated remarks directed toward Kardashian. Many tweeters wrote about gay marriage and how Kim Kardashian has ruined the Idea of marriage (therefore gay people should marry).
Here's the thing, I am not a "fan" of Kim Kardashian so to speak and I do support gay marriage. However, Kardashian is not the only straight person to get a quick divorce (she's not even the first celebrity).
In an honest letter to fans Kardashian explained (paraphrasing) that she basically had doubts but that she felt pressure to no only GET married but to go through with her publicized wedding (again, I am paraphrasing).
People always wonder about the pressure for women to marry changed? If you ask Kardashian, not so much. How often does a celebrity known for her stereotypical femininity explain this? I don't know if Kardashian identifies as "feminist" but she brings up a feminist point. All the focus was on the wedding and that's something that I personally don't see as "changed". Every wedding I've ever attended has included immense pressure on everyone let alone the particular bride. I'm always saddened by the stress of a wedding, because marriage can be wonderful and rewarding (so can unmatched partnerships and single life). I think women can internalize his pressure to get married and then as a result, brome angry, stressed, and not joyful for the marriage. Women are taught to give up everything to get an engagement ring (including settling or pressuring men to propose) rather than to work toward a healthy, equal partnership (if they choose to have a marriage).
The message to women is "unless you're married, nothing else you do matters". You can even be a crazy liberal feminist ball buster...as long as you're married.
This is what Kardashian describe in her letter to fans. Gay people should legally be allowed to marry not because of Kim Kardashian but because we all deserve that legal right. The real lesson is that an emphasis on the partnership (whatever form that is) has to be more important than a wedding day. Maybe when I have a daughter, her Fairytale will be her dream job, or a best friend, or anything that doesn't involve a diamond ring and Vera Wang (love her clothes still).